A douchebag is a feminine hygiene product. However, it eventually became an insult, because 13-year-old boys (who made it an insult) are fucking stupid. If you are fucking stupid, and were looking for the definition of "douchebag" that applies to the insulting version of the word, then read on!
The douchebag is a common subspecies of the white American male jerk— a rude person who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence. Douchebags behave ridiculously in front of others, with no sense of how moronic they appear. They can be seen in almost any setting, although they do seem to prefer malls, college campuses, and country clubs.
Identifying the Douchebag
The common American douche is easily identified as a result of their distinctive manner of dress. There are slight variations, but common traits shared among them are as follows:
- Tom Brady
- Gelled hair
- Aviator Shades (usually worn when not needed, e.g., indoors)
- Plaid shorts
- The Two Douches
- Pastel polo shirts with popped collars, often wearing several at the same time
- Designer T-shirts (especially Ed Hardy)
- Brand new worn-out jeans, worn with overpriced flipflops
- Bluetooth Headsets
- Those flattened link chains
- Drives a red car
- Buttoned up collared shirt, worn open so the muscle shirt beneath is visible
- "Vintage" T-shirts of bands they've never listened to and know nothing about
- Quote Shitty Movie lines (usually from films involving Adam Sandler)
- Have an iPhone
- The quintessential douche accessory beyond questionable doubt is the Douche Hat.
- Drives a Hummer or some other loud gas-guzzling SUV type thing
—An offended douche
Qualities of a Douchebag
There are many ways for someone to be classified as a douchebag, but the main qualities of a douchebag are: stubbornness, complains excessively, asinine goals in life , extravagant, and knows he/she is right and you are wrong. They often have a short temper, but they usually are pussies and run to solitude.
Douchebags are commonly sighted attaching to their mangier, odorous silent partners, the ones who squeeze right into infected ground zero, THE DOUCHENOZZLES. ie. Giuliani
Classes of Douchebags
There are three classes of douchebags:
- The Plain Douchebag: Loud, Stupid, and Famous.
- The Educated Douchebag: While they have done their homework on whatever it is they are doing, what they are doing is spectacularly dumb; whether it be their main goal, or their motives, its extremely retarded.
- The Nice Douchebag: While they can seem like the nicest person alive, they are a douche through and through. An example is John Hardy, who gives jobs and food to hundreds of people in Bali on his farm. However, he lives extravagantly . . . believing that every time he looks at the mountains from his house, it lets him realize how amazing he is.
- The Goth Douchebag: Exactly what it sounds like. They are the rarest kind of douchebags. They wear platform boots, listen to Voltaire, and always get the hottest dead bitches. Examples: Gothzilla, TheeObsidianReaper, Jerry from Doomsday Refreshment Committee, Don Henrie
here is a picture of a typical douchebag http://newmedia2.funnyjunk.com/pictures/birth_control.jpg "We’re living in one of the most beautiful places on the planet…we don’t need ornamentation." – John Hardy
- Fred Phelps.
- Thomas Edison.
Types of Douchebags
- Redneck - This sub-species of douche often resides in Rural Areas and are best known for raging at NASCAR and WWE games, fucking their cousins (and at rare occasions, animals) and racist attacks towards Niggers and Mexicans.
- Emo - These faggots often vent their frustrations on the Internet, pitifully seeking attention from everybody they engage in contact with, these kids are more faggot than douchebag though most of these rejects often act "scene", so can be included.
- Goth - These punks are more volatile and hateful towards people as they shoot schools, befriend strange Azn kids to assist them and continue to write poems and listen to depressing, satanic music.
- Guido - These popular faggots are easily identified with their dyed orange skin, making themselves look like Castizo Mexicans and wear lip gloss... that's both the women AND men, just to clear things up!
- The French - These cocksucking faggots are universally loathed by their negative attributes as these guys hate America and lost EVERY world war and always surrender in wars, these people are snobby assholes and will never be white with all the Sand Niggers they have escaping into their country.
- Chav - Britfag equivalent to the 'Frat Bro' as these kids act as if they are shit poor and black, making them also partially Wigger and Redneck, these are the types of people whose idea of fun is to throw up on somebody's car and terrorize towns with their hoodies and graffiti, making them also part Sand Nigger.
- Wigger - Every Suburbanite's worst enemy... these kids are complete douches and will often bully in High Schools, they are roughnecks and consider themselves bad-ass but will NEVER try to start a fight with a person their own size, they are pretty much hated by about everyone, apart from other Douchebags of course.
- Yuppie - Annoying former Hippies/Hipsters who show off their wealth and try to shove their Liberal beliefs down your throat, they hate Rednecks, Chavs and Niggers.
- Punk - A bunch of annoying faggots who (along with Goth, Hipster and Emo) shop at Hot Topic, these types are Liberal advocates who will often pick fights with Skinheads, this type acts hard to be hardcore and are considered super effective towards White Trash and Rednecks but weak and helpless towards Jocks, Guidos or Wiggers.
- Hippy - A stinky type of subhuman who are often seen smoking weed and fighting for homosexuality, underaged sex and abortions, faggot marriages and race-mixing.
- Poor - Meh, they're all jobless deadbeats and the construction workers are either Polacks, Dagos, Mexicans or Niggers who are as dumb as a rock and eat cheap, shitty food from Wal-Mart.
- Cholo - These mestizo Chicano cunts who live in Barrios and constantly emulate Nigger culture (despite hating them) but with a Latino twist, these spics will also try to engage in sex with both Blancas, Chinas, Chicanas AND Sudacas.
- Retard - These spazzes often spend their time eating shit and boogers and screech their voices in high-pitched agonizing pain... this particular breed of 'Retard' can also be seen trolling on the Internet all the time, but horribly. "0FTBNSE8FN TYPING LIEK DIS" "HSSJJDDH948H8GIHBS" "HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE" "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO" "SMHSMHSMHSMH". The other breed of Retard is an offensive slur for a person who is actually disabled and for all circumstances should NOT be called that word.
- Ape - These low-life, subhuman pile of demon jizz are usually seen in an inner-city background and causing havoc, rioting and raping blond women, they will often harass you for money despite being work-shy, sons of bitches who can't bother to get off their lazy ass and get a job, borrow your money, tell them no? Ha! Either way they'll just steal it, attack or shoot you for it, they hate humans of every race (from Whites to Hispanics to Polynesians) yet will ALWAYS consider themselves to be Human rather than they apes that they are and will RAGE about it if you call them otherwise. SEE MORE IN Nigger.
- Arab - Arabs/Iranians who follow the Guido scene but instead they put a heap of foundation on their face and try to look "white" along with sporting huge beer bellies (yes, women included) and sprout hair all over their bodies, dress up in tracksuits and drive shitty white BMWs.
- Brony - Trolls on the Internet who are into "Religious Fanaticism" and worship MLP as the average Hipster would worship Apple, these guys can also be fat Dykes, hated by Anime Freaks, Jocks and Wiggers but liked by Furries. These fat fags are also 50-YEAR OLD MEN. MLP should just be for six-year old girls and below... and that's the end of it "SMH".
- White Trash - One step below Redneck and are ALWAYS poor WASP Americans, MANY generations of inbreeding and are always seen waving the WRONG Confederate flag.
- Bohemian - These cunts deliberately attempt to stand out from the in-crowd and will constantly try to avoid being "mainstream" and call us commoners or "conformists", High School communists who at times will act like a depressed Proletariat.
- You - LOL! No, you are just pathetic, and do not intimidate anybody! But are hated as much as one.
- Tssz - HUGE faggot!