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Dolphy (Susanne Almanstoetter of Hamburg, Germany) is yet another crazy, cartoon loving, Disney fan based primarily on DeviantART and Now 30 years old Dolphy is still madly in love with Jim from Treasure Planet (aka That Disney Film That Tanked and No One Cares About). If she draws anything other than Jim and her sucking face you better believe it'll be a furry that she managed to con someone into paying her to do. (Update: The trolls win! She is no longer a Treasure Planet fan). She now has a crush on Jack Frost from some other bad movie. A challenger has appeared: SelauraNetherfield.


Despite her unrequited love for cartoon boys around the age of fifteen, Dolphy is a loyal friend who will flame you to death if one of her internet buttbuddies is snarked by a group of jealous furfags (Fig.1). Birds of a feather flock together as is the case with Atimon, Dolphy's BFF and a rabid Timon fangirl who was snarked for her own disgusting Timon pr0n. As well as fellow Treasure Planet fan, Deviantart-favicon.png Wolvy - another furfag German girl who used to have a crush on John Silver (for some reason) Warning!: Going to Wolvy's DA page will require a dose of eye bleach afterwards.

Dolphy doesn't do anything unless she's getting paid!
Now YOU have to pay to see a picture of HER sucking cartoon dick. WTF!!??
What the fuck is in the water in Germany?
Dolphy is always up for playing dress up with Jim!

In the "artist's" own words:

From her own homepage;

You just don't understand.
Dolphy doing what she does best...
Even Dolphy's fans are scared of her
The truth.

My favorite TP-char: Maybe some of you have noticed that Jim is my very very favorite TP-char,no, my fave-cartoon-char of all times to be exact! *is obsessed* Why?Hey,just look at him!No,just kidding,it`s not only his outer appearance (although I think he`s really handsome!) but also his personality.You don`t believe me?When I saw the first screenshots of "Treasure Planet" (that was one year before the movie came to theaters) I thought he was cute but I wasn`t immediately all like "Waaahhh!I wanna have him!!!".In fact,my obsession developed quite slowly. I saw the movie for the first time and liked him just as I like nearly every Disney-char.I saw it for the second time and thought he was really cute.I saw it again and couldn`t get him out of my mind from this day on.Jim`s just like me.Stubborn (dunno why that`s the first thing I mention here *g*),often misunderstood,moody (<--me,me,ME!), quite suspicious and careful when he gets to know strange people.And we`re both some kind of outsiders,loners and dreamers.(Does anyone here know a way to Montressor?) ; )

Hobbies: Drawing,music (Disney-soundtracks above all!),cinema,talking and having fun with my friends,Internet,looking at fanart from other Disney-fans,...and eating pizza!!! : D



Fatty fails at 'running' away

Self Insert, Say WUT!?

Anyone who has had the misfortune of going through Dolphy's gallery will quickly realize she draws nothing but furries and herself - most of the time with a fifteen year old boy who she claims to have made older. She openly admits that the girl in these pics is her illustrated self insert. Any artist/author worth their salt knows that self-insert are a big no-no. Because if one person says they don't like the character that automatically means they don't like her. Honestly who would? It's already been discovered that she's a world class, stuck up, bitch. And that her love of a fictional character must not be called into question - but we'll get to that later.

Dolphy's self insert would not be nearly so god awful if she was an accurate self insert - what S.I. is? But it should be noted that her illustrated self looks nothing like her, something most of her ass kissing fans don't get. They only love that Dolphy has curves. What she and the fanherd don't get is that there is a difference between curves and fat. Real Dolphy is fat, drawn!Dolphy is "curvy." Compares these to her drawn self. You won't find any similarities.

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Her „professional“ Work

Right, her art IS simply out of this world...

In 2012 Dolphy was hired to illustrate a children's book by a very professional publisher with an unhealthy liking for Comic Sans (his discription of Dolphy reads like it was ment to be sarcastic). Because of this important job she quit commissions for a while. The story is about the Pinguin Pompety-Pooh, who bitches around because nobody remembered his birthday. He then escapes into a dream world where he is king and everybody loves him. There are some biographical similarities to Dolphy, which is probably why she agreed on that job, because she related to that unthankful little pinguin.

The illustrations are typical Dolphy-art: fucked up anatomy, perspective and lighting as well as bright plastic-colours. She took the chance and recycled old art for the backgrounds and inserted stuff that wasn't discribed in the text, like racist sterotypes. Because Dolphy knows nothing about character design and is a germanazi, the only way to make characters look different is to use racist stereotypes by giving them different skin colours and clisheed clothes. For example she portais an US-American girl carrying an US-flag and with a blow-job-face. Appropriate much?

Americans accoring to Dolphy: Flags and Blowjob-faces

However, this time Dolphy realized for once that she totally failed. Seems like she is ashamed for her artistic inability, because she never blurted out this great achievement to her fanherd and never asked anyone to buy this masterpiece like she usually does. She doesn't even show it as a reference for her skillz on her shitty portfolio. In fact, it's not easy to find that book, but we deliver that service for you: Here you go.

What happened to Nosedive?

It's no secret that Dolphy loves cartoon dick. And before there was Jim there was Nosedive. A natural reaction to that name is "Who?" Well we're here to open the vault and go back in time to 1996. Nosedive was the annoying, kid brother of Wildwing and apparently a main character in the lame ass cartoon version of the Mighty Ducks. The cartoon version of the mighty ducks had nothing to do with the movie trilogy and was twice as unnecessary. Featuring anthropomorphic ducks in a world inhabited by humans on the verge of being destroyed by Dinosaurs for some reason. I shit you not, that's what the show is about.

Anyway, for some reason Dolphy took a liking to Nosedive and started sucking his dick back in 1999 - where she produced assloads of crappy pics of her and her beloved as lions, inserting herself into their world as a fellow anthro duck - even though the possibility of more ducks on Earth is impossible. At any rate, Dolphy claims not to be a furry when that's how she started out. When Treasure Planet came out in 2002, Dolphy dumped Nosedive like a turd and proceeded to hump different teenager....a human teenager.

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Patterns of her „Love Life“

Jim is now experiencing the same fate as Nosedive did, after Jack Frost won Dolphy's heart. Maybe Jim got too old for her after 12 years of masturbating over him, maybe Dolphy needed fresh young meat as new fuel for her sick dreams to fap on. And Dolphy actually has the guts to justify her pedophile fantasies with depressions.

Pedophilia is ok when you feel depressed

Her crush on fictional teenage boys has a certain pattern. She prefers the whiny, stubborn characters, because she sees herself in them (does she want to have sex with herself then?) By putting her own screwed up personality as the highest object of attraction, she also has the perfect excuse to never even think about growing out of her childish, whiny, inflexible, stubborn nature. Since no one is attracted to a moody and unfriendly cow with bad teeth, she's still a single virgin. But since she regards herself as perfect just the way she is, the reason for not having a boyfriend is not that she's an unappealing bitch, but because she wants to be single. Nobody is good enough for her. Also, she hates children.

Breaking News - The trolls win

As for july 2018, Dolphy is no longer a Treasure Planet fan, which means in her crazy world that she broke up with Jim Hawkins. She says trolling is the reason.

File:Dolphy is no longer a TP fan.png
When Dolphy is no longer a Treasure Plant fan - what is she?
File:Dolphy TP over.jpg

She IS a furry

Dolphy does not have the will to develop or to have own creative ideas – which is why she never thought to attend conventions to earn some extra money. That was until one of her furry friends told her about the existence of places, where people would come to see her amazing art and give her their money. Dollar signs popped up in Dolphy's eyes and the attended EuroFurence – a european furry convention, where she draws pin-up-anthros and jerk-off-files for sexually confused adults, who feel aroused by animals of various kinds. She always denied to be a furry but now she can no longer hide the truth.

Fantasies of a 28 year old woman

Note: These were made in 2007 - 2008 when she was 23 (and should've known better than to put them anywhere on the internet)

This is the truth, the whole truth, so help me god
File:Dolphy truth.png
No need to worry, you really don't have to
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The talented "artist"

All look same
File:Dolphy sarcasm.png
Dolphy failing to notice sarcasm.

Dolphy is so much more than just a grown woman, Mary Sue and a furfag attending animation school with no job. What more could she possibly be, you ask? Well, read on.


REAL NAME : Susanne Almanstoetter

AGE/BIRTHDAY : 24 / October 4th , 1984 (she's 30 now)

HEIGHT : 1,67 m

WEIGHT : You really think she'll tell ya that? Then you're crazier than she thought! : D

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Even her tracing skills are awesome!

Disabling comments

Apparently we're immature brats with nothing better to do but from the look of her gallery so is she.
It doesn't matter what the commissioner pays for, but only what makes the artist happy

Some time ago Dolphy disabled comments on her deviations, because: it's too much to read and the comments are getting redundant (like she had nothing better to do with her life but to sit infront of her computer all day long and reaply to all her comments).

Whatever she claimes the reason to be, the real reason is that she was sick of getting her pictures critiqued instead of worshiping her amazing talent kissing her fat ass. If somebody advised her what to do different or *gasp* told what was wrong with the picture, she politely yet sternly replied, that she didn't ask for critique and ultimately deleted the comments. Dolphy has more than once demonstrated that she doesn't need to improve, since she's perfect, or as she put it “it matters what makes the artist happy“. Obviously she is happy with fucking up perspective, lighting and anatomy and to get paid to do so, so stop giving her advice.

However, oh-so-smart Dolphy realized that by disabling comments her fantards could no longer tell her how amazing and groundbreaking her art is. Obviously she couldn't live without perma-ass-patting and enabled comments again after a few weeks - but only on images without obvious perspective issues and flawd human anatomy, to make sure nobody says something meeeen.

Death of a Loved One, trivial compared to a loss of 30 dollars

All an act

Only Dolphy, with her legion of retarded fans, can get away with making herself seem like quite the poor starving artist for losing out on a little bit of money (a mere $30 or so?) while on the flip side, someone lost her mother.

Dolphy whined that one of her commissioners was able to get a free sketch from her oh-so-talented hands. This fan commissioned from Dolphy a picture dedicated to her recently dead mother. Dolphy usually shows her commissioners a sketch before the commissioner has to pay, and this episode was no exception. The commissioner was probably busy burying her dead mother, so paying an internet artist for something as trivial as this probably wouldn't be her top priority, and so she never answered Dolphy's emails.

Most other artists would let it be. Not finish the picture and be done with it--or perhaps even make it a gift for this poor girl. But Dolphy threw a bitch fit. She finished the picture, posted it on her DA site and bitched about how she got ripped off in true attention whore fashion.

Her fans whined with her in chorus. What cruel person could take advantage of poor Dolphy like that, after all. Screw your dead mother, Dolphy needs that $30 to buy more Jim memorabilia she can masturbate to!

she's the victim

And of course, Dolphy was eventually paid that money by fellow basement-dweller Dagerom [1]. That’s right, some idiot thought, “Oh, the injustice!”, paid Dolphy the money, and will see nothing from it.

Dolphy needs some moar asspats and money, plz.

The Concept Art Incident

Fuck you. Do you know how many pageviews I have? Do you know how many people watch me? I am a legend. If you wanted to be helpful, you should have said it more politely.


—some troll wannabe

On August 26, 2008, an unfunny newfag did it wrong and took a couple pieces of Dolphy's art to parade in front of the drawfags over at ConceptArt. It drew expected criticism on anatomy and perspective to which the obvious fail troll responded with standard boring and painfully fake butthurt, succeeding in generating a total of zero lulz. The thread was quickly locked as the Conceptart forumers realized obvious troll is obvious.

The real Dolphy was promptly alerted by her legion of fantards, posting a call to arms in her DA journal. Naturally her fanfucks flooded Conceptart to swamp the mods with hundreds of reports of the offender, and spamming the Conceptart Lounge with Dolphy Support threads. Insults and accusations flew as over 100 comments were posted in her journal, her fans foaming at the mouth, and lashing out at the troll, Conceptart's obvious jealousy at Dolphy's mad skillz, and accusing ED for their sins against Dolphy. The incident ended with with fans offering Dolphy asspats and e-penis sucking to ease the unjust cruelty of having her work unwillingly critiqued.

For the Love of Love (Troll Artwork and Exploitables)

Sparklekitty x Jim has quite the fan-following ever since Dolphy popularized it.

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Dolphy failing IRL

Dolphy's biggest dream was to one day become an animation artist for Disney. She managed to get a rare and expensive place at in animation school workshop, where she produced exactly one shitty animated short and recieved professional criticicm. She even wasn't mentally stable enough to make a driving licence because of criticism. Dolphy, addicted to ass pats and worship, couldn't handle the constructive feedback. She immediately abandoned her big dream and wanted to become a freelance artist instead, hoping that nobody would ever say "meen stuff" about her art.

But because she can't earn enough money with her art to "pay her bills" (which stands for food, since her parents pay her rent end everything else), she needed a real job. But instead of working in an art- or design-related branche, where she could use her talents and grow as an artist and a person, she chose the most easy, stupid job she could find: She works 2 days a week in a supermarket for 400 bucks a month in order to have enough time for her amazing artz. Turned out she hates that job, but she does it for the money (She tried to be a hooker, but nobody wanted to fuck that stinky blob her vagina is). Not much to go wrong here, right? Well, it wouldn't be Dolphy if she didn't fuck that up. Her boss made her sign a contract, that Dolphy didn't read. Turned out she had to work more for less money. After she realized what that contract actually meant for her, she posted a desperate rant on her life journal account, describing how she contacted a online-lawyer, annoying him with questions, how she could possibly get out of this dilemma. The laywer showed her the middle-finger, because you can't sue somebody for your own stupidity (not in germany at least).

Lately she posted on her Furaffinity-Account, that she wants moar money for her commissions, which again shows that Dolphy completely lost contact to reality. Nobody would pay that much to an artist, who isn't willing to take the time to learn anatomy and perspective properly or at least how to use references. Her poll about wether people want to support her on patreon also failed miserably.

She still created a patreon page in March 2015 and then wondered, why nobody wanted to support her. She then complained about her watchers and followers about enjoying her art for free for over 10 years now, nasty little parasites. What Dolphy fails to see is that her "art" is just artistic fast food: bad taste, bad quality, badly made, but when you can't cook you'll still eat it. It's lso interesting that most commissioners and fantards of her are bloody beginners in art. Dolphy rather listens to their unqualified ass-patting then to professionals that honestly try to help her.

So instead of conquering the world, getting an art-related job and maybe even developing as a personality by mastering the ups and downs of life, she hides in her tiny apartment between the masses of her disney merchandise, drawing ugly stuff for ugly people. In 10 years, when we all remember the good times we hung out at ED when we were bored, Dolphy will still do the same dull bullshit without any change at all. Dolphy fails at living a proper life. Also, she doesn't want a real boyfriend, because it's enough for her to long and lust over cartoon dick. She has the guts to say that she wants it that way and that she's all so happy (where do her depressions come from then?).

File:Dolphy patreon baaaawww2.png
Her milestone goals on patreon: NOW PAY HER BILLS ALREADY

Dolphy the Skilled Author

Dolphy's also into the fanfiction business! Doesn't that surprise you? But being a very skilled author she would NEVAR write Mary Sue fics. Here's an example from her "me did writy writy, wanna see?" page:

Jim glanced at her and Sarah had to restrain a chuckle at the helpless attitude of her son. He had really fallen for that girl. But suddenly the opening of the door, which he heard through all the noise around them, caught his attention and his gaze stopped at the person who had just entered the hall.

“Woa…” was all he could say as he stared agape at the girl that was slowly approaching him.

“Do you like it?” asked Dolphy shyly.

She was wearing a low-cut red dress that consisted of a strapless cloak-like top part which was held together on the chest by some darker ribbons. Those ribbons stopped at the waist so the light fabric hung down on both sides and revealed an almost white skirt underneath. As jewelry she had a collar in the same color as the ribbons with a drop-shaped pendant and matching earrings. Her bangs were braided to the back of her head and held together by a flower like barrette.

“You…you look awesome.” Jim managed to say at last with a look that said more than any words could ever do.

Dolphy smiled happily and gazed at the man in front of her. It seemed as if this uniform was made just for him, it made him look even handsomer than he already was. Knowing that she tended to get a little uncomfortable when talking to adults Jim gently grabbed her hand and led her to them. Of course she had already met them a few times but she was still afraid of saying something inappropriate and acting like an idiot. She knew how much Jim and his mother meant to each other and she wanted to be accepted and liked by her.

“Good evening Mrs.Hawkins.” greeted Dolphy shyly but to her relief she smiled softly and shook her hand heartily.

“How often have I told you to call me ‘Sarah’?” she meant in a very friendly way. “Good evening to you,too. Oh, and what a special evening it is! I`m so proud of Jim and you!”

Dolphy blushed and shot a quick glance at Jim to see that he was smiling fondly at her.

“Thank you Mrs.Haw-,…uhm, Sarah. I`m glad you could come.”



Dolphy's latest obsession

Fucking a fruit will give you bird flu.

Sometime last Thursday, Dolphy and her retarded friends decided to make a cartoon. This triggered Dolphy's lastest obsession, kiwis. That's right, those fucktarded birds that resemble hairy testicles. You can enjoy her Kiwi artwork, or, watch her shitty movie here. Please troll at your own convience.

What basically happens in the movie is a stupid bird is emo because all the other animals have fuck buddies but he/she/it doesn't. In a fit of emo raeg, it somehow knocks a fruit out of a tree, and decides to fuck it (sex scene tastefully cut out, but plenty of foreplay, post coital and morning after scenes included). The fruit, pissed off at being raped, decides to make a break for it. Some fatass retard sporting a pedo beard grabs the stupid bird and tries to kill it. The retarded chicken ends up tapping some other trap bird who is offended, but then gives in and gets fucked. The end.

Fun fact: Dolphy does the voice of the bird in this film. Imagine our Dolphy, fat and fugly as ever, in a studio, sighing, purring, and gasping into a microphone. Feel disgusted yet?

Another fun fact: The film is impossible to fap to. Go on. Try it.

Yet another fun fact: The film was so bad, that it never had a chance to win the Hamburg animation award. Yet, Dolphy was offended that the jury did not cherish her masterpiece. She then planned to earn some extra-money with commissions until she found a real job. Well, it's 8 years later and nothing has changed.

Dolphy's obsession with RotG

So... THAT's the reason why she has „no time“
LOL jealous

In 2012, 10 years after the release of Treasure Planet, Dolphy cheated on Jim with yet another teenage-cartoon-character, namely Jack Frost from the lame movie Rise of the Guardians.

She claimes not to lust over frozen dick, however, her own words proof her wrong: She doesn't get tired to throw tantrums of jealousy when somebody ships Jack with Elsa (from Disney's Frozen).

She is so obsessed with that movie, that not only did she write about 700 pages of fanfiction but also got it printed as a book in 2014, so she could also fap to her fantasies during a power blackout.

That massive amount of work also explains, why Dolphy doesn't have time to learn how not to fuck up a picture and constantly bawwws about how stressful her life is.


Horsetastic is a shitty webcomic Dolphy conned some bitch into paying her to do. It's an amazing, original, hilarious cartoon about horses doing horse things. Her creative, totally original characters are as follows:

There's also a little girl but Dolphy doesn't care about her because she's into little boys. For some reason the horses put up with the girl instead of stomping her to death.

Ways to Troll her

It's always fun messing with someone as stuck up as Dolphy. She gets aggravated at the littlest things. One very common one is when people don't read her TL;DR artist comments on her pictures. Tread lightly, this bitch isn't afraid to block anyone she feels will cause her drama and ruin her perfect stream of ass kissing comments.

1. Ask who the girl in her pictures is

2. Ask who the guy in her pictures is

3. Ask if she does requests/trades/anything without having to pay her

4. Tell her beta fish are stupid

5. Tell her that Jack and Elsa make a much better couple

6. Tell her Jim would never date a fat girl like her and link to a skinny Treasure Planet OC

7. Ask her why she broke up with Jim

8. Ask her why she draws Jim with white hair

9. Ask her about her porn art of her and Jim

10. Ask why she dumped Nosedive

11. Tell her she's not perfect and needs improvement i.e. THE TRUTH!

12. Ask why Jim is making out with his sister/mom

13. ????

14. PROFIT!!

See Also

External Links

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[...and then there was a gay orgy.It was a dark and stormy night...]

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