Disease

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A wax nose, a pair of sunglasses, and a santa beard: then the little fella's ready to hit the town![1]
A young man lecturing a dame on the dangers of disease.

Disease is, per the intarweb dicshunary: A pathological condition of a body part, an organ, or a system resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms. But really, what is disease? Why, is it one of the few sources of attention and pity in the quantities needed by attention whores to live. As a result of this, both IRL and internet attention whores are prone to feigning illness. Especially pretending to have illnesses and diseases that people around them have.

Thought Process

They see that their diseased friends get a lot of attention and pity, and when most of their self-loathing entries and threats of suicide start to get a response of TL;DR, they are prone to coming up with some disease, again commonly one someone on their friends list has (the really insane ones will all of a sudden claim to have multiple, conflicting diseases at the same time), and claiming that they have it. This will go on for several days.

The Lie Grows

MFW no-one on the internet claims to have my disease

Eventually they may claim to have seen a doctor who "informed" them that they had exactly what they'd been saying they had. They will act shocked and surprised. If this fails, they may escalate to self injury and more realistic threats of suicide. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, they actually mean it. If you're even luckier, there won't be any dipshits with internet crushes on them who feel the urge to reply to every one of their entries.

Around this period, expect friends of the disease whore in question to have conversations that consist of statements such as:

  • Her delusions are beginning to become the stuff of comedy gold.
  • This is the worst performance of MPD I've seen since Sybil.

The Symptoms of a Disease

  • Foul smelling blood
  • Tight throat
  • Double vision
  • Skin falling off
  • A persistent cough
  • Manic depression
  • Calcification of the extremities
  • Aversion to paper
  • Multicystic Retroperitonial Sacrococcygeous Embryo-Teratoma
  • Steven Spielberg

And Fades Away

Especially in the case of made-up diseases, attention whores tend to forget the lies they were telling for attention. A disease requires lots of Google to keep up with answering questions people may have, that's a lot of work. Invariably, though, there are enablers. Be prepared for fun and excitement!

Common Diseases to Pretend to Have

Missing Penis Syndrome

Otherwise known as being a woman.

Common Diseases to Actually Have

See Also

External Links


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Disease is part of a series on Body and Health
Body.jpg Body Parts:

AssAssholeBallsBodybuildingBoobsBrainCameltoeClitorisCockCumFatFinger BoxGuntHand of ClodHand of DiosIron penisManginaMoobsNeckbeardPissPussyShitSkeletonVagoo

Diseases and Illnesses:

AcneAddictionAIDSAlzheimer'sBeing a GingerCancer (and The Cancer That Is Killing /b/) • Comcast diseaseCOVID-19DiabeetusDiseaseDSMDuckfaceDwarfismEbolaEpilepsyErectile dysfunctionETDFetal Alcohol SyndromeFibromyalgiaGenital HerpesGOTISGRIDS (see also The GRIDS that is killing ED) • Heart AttackHyperbolimiaIRC DiseaseObesityPandemicParkinson's DiseaseSame Face SyndromeSARSSexually Transmitted DiseasesSwine FluThin SkinUser Stress SyndromeVirusVomitingWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Injuries:

1guy1jarBMECircumcisionCastrationDeathEmo Cutter GirlEunuch ArchiveGuroHangoverHeadshotLJ cutLobotomyPain SeriesPregnancyRectal foreign bodySelf-injurySuicideTattoosTrepanation

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Disease
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Life

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Disease is part of a series on Diseases and Disorders
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Diseases:

AIDSCancerCoronavirusDiabeetusDwarfismErectile dysfunctionFetal Alcohol SyndromeFibromyalgiaGenital HerpesGRIDSObesityParkinson's DiseaseSexually Transmitted DiseasesSwine Flu

Disorders:
Agoraphobia

AnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAsperger's SyndromeAttention deficit hyperactivity disorderBipolar disorderBody dysmorphic disorderBorderline personality disorderBug ChasersCarmen Electra complexChristianityChronic Troll SyndromeDepressionDyslexiaEating disordersEbola virusEpilepsyFauxlimiaGender dysphoriaHistrionic personality disorderHeterophiliaHomophiliaInconsistent personality disorderInsanityMental retardationMultiple personality disorderNarcissistic personality disorderObsessive-compulsive disorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderParaphiliasPost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPrader-Willi SyndromePsychopathySchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeVictim complex

Internet Diseases and Disorders:

Internet disease (see also Internet Disease Chart) • Internet troll personality disorderThe Cancer That Is Killing /b/The GRIDS that is killing ED