Dan Schneider

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With Jews, sexual abuse!
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Nickelodeon split with Danny on March 26, 2018!


Dan Schneider was the fat, greasy pedophile responsible for Nickelodeon's transition from decent cartoon channel into a smorgasbord of terrible live action sitcoms geared towards children, most of which contained transparent fetish fap material, until they finally, mercifully cut ties with Schneider in March of 2018. Schneider's works include Drake & Josh, All That, Sam & Cat, Victorious, iCarly, The Amanda Show, Zoey 101, Good Burger, Henry Danger and, most recently, Game Shakers. He is notorious for having a foot fetish, and has regularly featured questionable scenes in his shows involving young actresses' feet. Many wills were broken during the making of his shows, and some have gone off to do more undesirable things to suppress the trauma brought on from Danny's iron fist of pedophilia power.

Early life

Before his time as a director, he used to be in actor for such shit like Make the Grade and Better Off Dead, because being a part of a movie with a kid wanting to kill himself for being a pussy at life totally helps with netting a spot for making children's shows. Seeing how they were all low budget and didn't get our subject enough Jew Gold to hire a permanent foot-masseuse, he instead got to thinking maybe the new direction for money would be for kids to act like idiots on TV instead of him. If he hit the g-spot, he could get his money and have his power over children like he always wanted.

So after submitting the All That show idea to Nickelodeon, which at that point wasn't technically overflowing out the cunt with shitty sitcom semen and was still a sorta-cartoon channel, he waved good-bye to his acting career and dignity and hello to being a directing star.

Television career

This was where he truly blossomed into such a paragon of children's entertainment, and has the pounds to prove it. This area of entertainment dominated his life, because why should he go back to acting when he:

  1. . Has children do it for him.
  2. . Could get paid for doing nothing and sitting on his growing asscheeks.
  3. . Can hoard CP secretly and never get caught doing it.
  4. . ????
  5. . PROFIT!

Here's a quick list of summaries about all of his shows, not all of them on Nick, but shit just the same.

All That

A comedy sketch show in 1994 trying to rip off MADtv and SNL, while failing because they didn't have Christopher Walken. That and they failed in other things too. Several actors would go off and make their own shows once the shit ended such as local druggie Amanda Bynes and the nigger duo of Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell. The show was brought back to life because Via-cock wanted more money in 2002, then was killed again for good in 2005. The first few seasons were at least trying, but the last ones in 2002-2005 were abominations of the highest caliber.

Kenan & Kel

The first real Schneider sitcom, starring the two niggers of All That. Each episode begins with a little description to set up the plot, shenanigans ensue, Kenan's full of himself, Kel's a pussy-retard that has an orange soda fetish, and the little sister has a crush on Kel. They also had a only one movie of little worth to close out the series, and the theme song was made by washout rapper Coolio. Simply put, it's just two nigs wanting to succeed in life and failing at it.

Guys Like Us

The first sitcom by Schneider not on Nickelodeon and not for children, which is basically the plot that Two and a Half Men stole, with two cuckolded bachelors having to take care of a 6-year-old boy since his dad got a job overseas to Japan. That premise would be stolen by Schneider again to use for his CP paradise, iCarly.

The Amanda Show

An Amanda Show skit: My Beautiful Big Toe.

Another sketch show with good ol' future druggie Amanda Bynes along with other people no one cares about. Same deal as All That, except with somehow even shittier sketches, which had an 'I'm so random' spew-inducing style of comedy. Schneider received so many awards from The Amanda Show alone that he uses them as anal plugs in his sleep to keep his pants shit-free.

There is a rumor that Dan knocked up an underage Amanda Bynes and then paid for her abortion, causing her to sperg out on Twitter several years ago.

What I Like About You

The last sitcom he made that wasn't on Nickelodeon, starring Amanda again. Another comedic driveling crapbag of tricks, in which Amanda would be the only one recognizable by any fan, and Schneider's last show of Amanda to get CP from before she got to the age of consent.

Drake & Josh

Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Drake & Josh.

What many consider to be some of Schneider's best work, with two brothers at each other's throats all the time about pointless family shit and because they have opposite personalities. One's a suave, heartbreaking casanova-wannabe who's dumb as a doorstop, the other's a stickler for rules and seizure-sufferer that can't get a girl to save his sex life, add in Schneider's loli of the year, Miranda Cosgrove; and you have a recipe for some of the best comedy this side of- Wait, My Brother And Me did the same sort of "opposite brothers" premise but with niglets? Never mind. The brothers still made appearances in other Schneider shitfests, while Drake works on his failure band and Josh is stuck on Vine.

Zoey 101

An example of Schneider going back to hoarding CP once everyone else from The Amanda Show was too old, this piece is about a girl trying to fit into boarding school. Yep, that's it, with the nigger, the nerd, the dweeb that hooks up with her in the end, the popular boy, the Cliché Gang is all here. The fatass himself makes a guest appearance in the last episode, rapidly becoming the Stan Lee of children's shows. In 2007, Jamie Lynn Spears, who plays Zoey Brooks on Zoey 101, was raped and impregnated by Dan Schneider, making Dan the father of Jamie Lynn's daughter Maddie. Dan then had Jamie Lynn's boyfriend Casey claim to be the father so Dan could get away with rape. Star magazine wrote an article back in 2007 about how Spears family insiders and friends thought an older executive was the dad. Casey even doubted a few times that he was the dad and wanted Jamie Lynn to prove he was the dad with a paternity test. Spears family insiders and friends said that Casey even was cheating on Jamie Lynn, which he did do by hooking up with a hot 28 year old cougar named Kelli Dawson. Casey denied hooking up with Kelli and Jamie said Casey never slept with Kelli despite the large amounts of proof that show Casey did fuck Kelli. Britney Spears' ex-husband who she was married to for 55 hours, Jason Alexander, said he has seen Kelli and Casey dating. Spears family insiders and friends said Jamie Lynn had an unsteady relationship with Casey, which Jamie Lynn actually admitted.

Alexa Nikolas, who played Nicole Bristow on Zoey 101, stopped being on the show in about 2006. It was reported that she was kicked off the show for fighting with Jamie Lynn and calling Jamie's sister Britney Spears a whore or something. In 2007, when asked about Jamie's pregnancy, Alexa said she quit the show because of an "uncomfortable working environment". What's funny is that fighting with someone isn't something you call "uncomfortable". Being molested or sexually harassed is something you call uncomfortable. A decade later, Alexa Nikolas posted "MeToo" on Instagram.



Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: iCarly.

See the article, it speaks for itself. TL;DR: Schneider's CP paradise.


Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Victorious.

Again, see the damn article.

Sam & Cat

Not fake.

Made when Schneider thought he could potentially get arrested when he was stashing iCarly porn on his flash drives, so maybe fantasizing about of-age girls and not being a pedobear for this brief moment would balance it out. Combine the iCarly dyke and the Victorious retard and you've got even more shit spewing out than a leaking sewer pipe, now with 60% more innuendos.

Racy rumors

The show had led to an early cancellation thanks to drama from having Jennette's boobs leaked on the Internet and having Nickelodeon and Danny-boy treating her like their personal television money-slut. That and there were rumors of the ditz-dyke team butting heads over it and Schneider being his Jew self and not paying Jennette enough cause he liked redheads sucking him off over the blonde. The show was put on hold, then inevitably canceled on July 14th, 2014. To this day, the stupids of the Internet still think their argument got the show canceled after only one season.

Henry Danger

A twist in Danny's attempted sexual escapades, with Schneider experimenting with his sexual orientation and wondering what porn of a teen boy in a tight superhero suit with an older gentleman in another tight suit fighting crime would be like. Oh, it really is a goofier version of Batman and Robin if Robin was the focus? Yeah, Schneider's hit Uncyclopedia levels of creativity and comedy by now.

The Adventures of Kid Danger

If Henry Danger wasn't enough shit to sate your appetite, Schneider created a spin-off animated series titled The Adventures of Kid Danger, which premiered on Nickelodeon on January 15, 2018.

Game Shakers

Sky Whale isn't just in the show, it's a real game you can actually play. Why anyone would willingly play a game in which you're a narwhal bouncing around collecting donuts is unknown.

The latest from the Schneider's Bakery oven. It stars two 12-year-old girls, so it seems as though Schneider has gone back to his roots, and decided no amount of CP will ever be enough for the Gabe Newell of television. Prepare for potential underage innuendos just like before, but from the mouths of even younger girls.

Game Shakers might be the most painfully unfunny turd ever pinched from Schneider's lower orifice, and that is fucking saying something. The plot revolves around two little girls who made a shitty-looking mobile game involving narwhals, which inexplicably became popular after being made available for download on the Internet (in the scripted show, not in the real world, obviously). The first episode has numerous cameo appearances from real-life YouTube video game reviewers, proving once again that e-celebs will do anything for attention.

The show also features the return of Kel from Kenan & Kel, who apparently has nothing better to do after losing out on Saturday Night Live to Kenan.

In March 2016, Nickelodeon renewed Game Shakers for a second cringe-inducing season. Somehow, it was renewed again for a third season on November 16, 2016, and the third season premiered on Nickelodeon on February 10, 2018. It's unknown what dirt Schneider must have on some executives, to be allowed to keep churning out this shit and get it aired. but the good news is that the third season will be its last.

See also

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