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Children have many uses!

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Children are n00bs IRL. Like all n00bs, they are easy to pwn and this brings epic lulz. 13 year old boys and 16 year old girls are children, which explains why pedophiles like them. It is funny to point out that someone is a child and therefore a n00b; however, you may be pwned by their reminding you that you used to be one also. This is like the no u meme: you cannot defend against it, unless you were grown in a tube and released at puberty.

This is your kid

The joys of having children.
This is what happens when you fail to get a vasectomy.

Facts about Children

  • Children are demons conjured by condom companies and various other contraceptive manufacturing executives to scare you into using protection. Therefore, by having unprotected sex, you automatically perform the Summon Child (rank 3) ritual. This ritual, if successful, ruins your fucking life. Naturally, unprotected anal sex may seem like a nifty loophole, but despite it's obvious fun, it really isn't as this has a 9/13 chance of summoning AIDS and/or spawning Excrementals (if the buttfuckee is female).
  • Children are now considered the most prevalent and dangerous Sexually Transmitted Disease, (as there might be a cure for aids) the cure for which is abortion.
  • No matter where you go; dumbass parents will bring their screaming and annoying children to where ever you are.
  • Ironically fags cannot contract the children disease. They developed immunity after the CIA infected them with G.R.I.D.S.
  • All children are notoriously stupid and, as punishment, must attend school.
  • Children think picking your nose is good for you.
  • 89% of people claiming to be children on IRC are fat, old, pedophiles. The other 11% are FBI agents trying to catch and convict the former. The real children on IRC, claim to be adults, but act like morons, can't spell, use ALL CAPS, aLTeRNaTiNG CaPS, use DoS attacks on other IRC people for fun, get in OP wars on IRC, abuse OPs, flame, cuss, etc.
  • Children have shit taste in everything because they sponge off preferences and aversions from other stupid children or whatever shit they're watching on TV, or, god forbid, the internet.
    • Also, children like to eat shit because “it’s chocolate.”
  • You know that thing you like? You know the one I mean. You know, the thing you're always raving about for its deep, intricate plots and subtle many-layered character development? Yeah, that. That's for children.
  • If you have a LiveJournal and rape a child, you become e-famous and get a "Sick Fucks" category story on ED, like ohbutyouwillpet. That's more than worth the jail term.
  • Children in third world countries are commonly known as cannon fodder.
  • American children are often seen on documentaries of RL, like AMFV, offering LULZ in the form nutpunches and cuntpunches.
  • Sam Rassenfoss is a lover of all types of children, because he is a pedophile.
  • No one gives a shit about YOUR childhood. It will either be raped by Rule 34 on the internets, or by a shitty remake in Hollywood.
  • Posting porn on a recently dead child's facebook tribute will result in epic lulz.
  • Children make up 80% of /b/

On a side note, in reality, children are overrated cult objects created by christfags and soccer moms, but in truth, no one really cares about them.

Stages of Childhood

Mommy will be getting a call from her child's teacher real soon.
That's better.
  1. Baby: Funniest when dead. Most likely to be raped by a LiveJournal user.
  2. Toddler: Discovers things. Most likely to be raped by a swarthy Chinese man.
  3. Child: If the parents have any money, this will be the fucktard stage. Most likely to be raped by unimaginative pederasts.
  4. Teenager: HORMONESHORMONESOMFGFUCK ANYTHING IN SIGHT!!1!! If there's grass around the wicket, it's time to play cricket!
  5. Adult: become an adult baby. It's all good, baby.
  6. Elder: Smell funny, soon to die!
  7. Corpse: Most likely be be raped by a necrophiliac.
  8. ????
  9. Profit!


There is much ongoing controversy on the topic of children. One group, known as Childfree, believes that nobody should have children. Members of this group usually use contraception or castration to ensure that they never have children.

The opposing group, known as the pro-choice group, believes that everyone should get pregnant, followed by an abortion. This is the more enlightened point of view in regards to children and childbirth, common among feminists.

A third group, known as pregnant teens, are drunk sluts that are too stupid to know how to have their mates use condoms, and if you are looking to get laid (easily!) we recommend looking there.


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See also

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