Chick tracts

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Jack has died and gone to Hell

Not to be confused with the other kind of Chick Tract.

Hey Jack, whose ass did you cum in last night? OIC.
A typical Chick tract. No, srsly.
Jack Chick converts to Islam.
Cthulhu comes to roost! WILL YOU BE EATEN FIRST?
Cthulhu comes to roost! WHAT MUST I DO TO BE EATEN FIRST?
Silly Jack. Girls don't play D&D

Jack Chick is what happens when a comic book artist becomes a Christian fundamentalist. A typical Chick tract (also called Shit Tract) will usually feature a person who has yet to be "saved" or will be tricked by another character, who is usually the Devil in disguise. The character will eventually return to Jesus, after realizing the error of their ways. Everyone who isn't a Jesus freak goes directly to Hell, or is actively working for the Devil, or just goes to hell for very poorly justified reasons. They're often full of hilarious misinformation about just about fucking everything. Jack Chick tracts are a popular target for Photoshoppers, in part because they are so batshit insane. The inherent problem with shooping a Chick Tract is that the original untouched comics are usually the pinnacle of lulz and therefore cannot be improved upon.

Things Chick Hates

Oddly, Jack has no qualms about portraying Jew as a nigger. [29]

Apparently, Chick's site is b& in Singapore. LOL WUT?

Important Facts

  • Jack Chick does not do it for the lulz
  • Jack Chick hates Mudkips.
  • Jack Chick is the original internet meme.
  • Jack Chick is Pedobear, which also makes him a furry.
  • Jack Chick causes global warming, but doesn't believe in it.
  • Jack Chick is impervious to insults.
  • Jack Chick made a movie.
  • Jack Chick draws 'The Christian Hero' of his tracts in a style inspired by Tom of Finland.
  • Jack Chick believes God and Jesus are the same person, therefore worships the robot GodJesus.

Rule 34

Dark Dungeons in 2008.
The Trial in 2012.

There is Jack Chick Rule 34...but it sucks balls. In the bad way.

Actually it's not that bad. There are two known 34s done for separate works so far:

  • Dark Dungeons was a tract done in 1984, and a parody of it was created in 2008, depicting the character Marcie who killed herself after her D&D thief died of poison.
  • The Trial was a tract done in 1996, and a parody of it was created in 2012, depicting Jesus fucking the child protagonists Ann Gordon and Debbie Baxter.

Chick Dissections

As mentioned above, there isn't much you can do to improve the lulz-quotient of a Chick Tract because they're perfectly insane. Still some people are willing to make page-by-fucking-page readings of them, making fun of them. Usually these are made by godless atheist heathens who TL;DR everything.

Want to make one? Make an uninspired blogspot account and be sure to mention every 10 seconds that you're an atheist. Profit will follow.


See Also

External Links

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