Carrie Jenkins-Ichikawa and Jonathan Ichikawa

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Carrie Jenkins-Ichikawa and Jonathan Ichikawa are attention-whore professors of philosophy at the University of British Columbia, who got the attention they desperately crave by appearing on American newsmagazine show “Nightline” to flaunt their polyamory.


Carrie and Jonathan’s extraordinarily fascinating (to them) love life was also featured in a lengthy article in the Chronicle of Higher Education.

They are known for their online posturing, preening, tweeting and feuding.


Carrie has made a huge fucking deal about the fact that she has at least two guys pounding her out regularly. She has even been nicknamed “the hoover of Vancouver” for her reputed prowess in dick-sucking. Yet she annoys everyone by couching her polyamory in highly pretentious terms like “I have multiple loves” and sniffily replies “I don’t talk about my sex life in public” when anyone asks her how frequently and vigorously she is getting fucked or if “multiple loves” translates into “multiple orgasms.” Her cuck husband Jonathan, by contrast with Carrie’s active sex life, presumably has “multiple dildoes,” and sits at home tugging on his tiny penis because he tweets about how much time he spends on dating sites but never seems to get any dates.

The “throuple” they belong to demonstrates the principle that when two men share a woman, the testosterone of each male declines to, at most, half that of the average male. In the case of bug-eyed, veiny-headed Carrie Jenkins Ichikawa, due to her mousy and asexual appearance, the decline in the total free testosterone of her male partners is even more dramatic, to something like one-tenth the T-levels of the average male. Husband Jonathan Ichikawa (also known as “the Canuck cuck”) dyes his hair rainbow colors, eye-fucks the camera in frequent selfies he posts on Twitter, posts fashion tips, and has the personality of a giggly little girl. Boyfriend Ray Hsu (dubbed “the Lothario from Ontario”) is an elfin creature who weighs 11 pounds, wears skinny jeans, and teases his hipster bouffant to perfection every morning.

A student called out Itchy Cock
for advertising his polyamory on
his professional web site.

Jonathan Ichikawa, like the pathetic cuck that he is, revels in his ignominious status to such a degree that he lists “polyamory” as one of his “interests” on his professional website. A student justly called him out on this and even compared him to Harvey Weinstein. Gravely butthurt, Ichikawa posted the student’s email online, apparently seeking to rally his Twitter followers to reassure him that he is not a bad fellow.

Internet feuds

The Ichikawas have also received online attention due to their feuding with all-powerful philosophy warlord Brian Leiter, who successfully trolled Carrie to the point that she was forced to claim PTSD and trauma because Leiter was mean to her on the internet. Specifically, no joke, Carrie Jenkins-Ichikawa, the tenured Canada Research Chair in Philosophy, was supposedly rendered unable to “function as a normal member of the profession” because Leiter called her a “sanctimonious arse” in an email message.

The amount of sanctimony
and self-seriousness here
is staggering.

Upon receiving her tenured professorship, Carrie issued a haughty and silly statement online that she would no longer treat philosophy’s long-reigning reputation arbiter Brian Leiter as a “normal member of the profession.” Leiter amusingly didn’t just brush this off as the pathetic squeak of a comparative nonentity, but “released the Kraken”—his high powered Canadian lawyer—on her and her limp-dicked husband for defamation, causing two thirds of Canadian academia’s power-throuple to collectively shit its pants.

Shit got real when someone calling himself “Brian Leiter” mailed feces to Jenkins-Ichikawa and a few other people who had clashed with Leiter online in the past. Leiter (conveniently) was out of the country when the poop was mailed from Chicago. He made a big production of investigating who might have done such a thing, even hiring a handwriting expert and demanding handwriting samples from the top three suspects, with inconclusive results. Leiter also defended himself by pointing out that he had long been on record as stating that Carrie is not worth a shit as a scholar, so it would actually be a waste of perfectly good shit to send her any.

Crappy scholarship

Carrie proved she isn’t worth a shit as a scholar by mistaking an anonymous paper by a retarded undergraduate for the work of an esteemed professor in the philosophy of love named Alan Soble, resulting in major lulz. It was an especially stupid mistake because the undergraduate’s paper was full of references to Soble and criticisms of Soble by name, yet the dumb bitch who holds the Canada Research Chair in Philosophy didn’t have the brainpower to suss out that the paper wasn’t actually written by Soble. She reacted to criticism by crying that “everybody makes mistakes” and that her mean critics had triggered her “imposter syndrome” and were big bad meanies.

Since then, she has then wisely refrained from scholarship, instead writing a bad novel and posting on Twitter the oh-so-bad paintings she does.

Jonathan was a spousal hire who has never done anything interesting as a scholar and focuses mostly on coloring his hair, tweeting selfies, masturbating to the occasional positive student evaluation he receives, and fruitlessly looking for dates online.

Quotes by and about the Ichikawas

The smarmy Jonathan Ichikawa is up to his usual mischief


Brian Leiter

In September 2014, one week before the Philosophical Gourmet Report surveys were set to begin, [Jonathan and Carrie] released the petition, which claimed, falsely, that the single derisive e-mail had "very serious" effects on Jenkins, "impacting her health, her capacity to work, and her ability to contribute to public discourse as a member of the profession." None of this was true.


Brian Leiter

See, here's the thing. I AM a philosopher. I'm actually quite a good philosopher, by all the standard measurements. I'm also a tenured professor at a prestigious research university. That makes me an expert on philosophy.


Jonathan Ichikawa on himself

… there is some question as to whether Jenkins is to a sufficient extent a lover of the practice of scholarly rigor.


From the blog Jamesian Philosophy Refreshed

Carrie Jenkins, holder of a Canada Research Chair at the University of British Columbia, devoted an entire section of a published journal article on philosophy of love to criticizing (indeed mocking) an undergraduate paper that she found on the Internet and that she wrongly attributed to Alan Soble, a leading figure in the field. Her defense was “everyone makes mistakes." But not everyone makes mistakes of this magnitude, and her response to being criticized by the victim of her carelessness was to revert to her usual self-absorption and self-pity.


Brian Leiter

A serious issue has arisen that impacts Professor Carrie Ichikawa Jenkins.

Professor Jenkins has been targeted by Professor Brian Leiter (University of Chicago) with derogatory and intimidating remarks privately by email in July, and recently with further derogatory remarks publicly on Twitter.


Statement by philosophers defending Carrie against “serious butthurt” caused by meanie Brian Leiter

You throw words around (thoughtlessly dash them off). And no, you have absolutely no idea, not a clue, about how annoying your sophomoric mistakes are, for me, in my mind. Your power to imagine the experiences of others is profoundly limited, if not mauled, by your grandiose self-vision.


Philosopher Alan Soble in a message to Carrie

This week the philosophy community saw an unconscionably cruel personal attack by academics whose stature demands better. If Professors Leiter and Soble want to be taken seriously as academic professionals worth listening to, they must meet higher standards of public discourse.


Jonathan Ichikawa tweeted this when Carrie got caught completely misrepresenting Professor Soble’s views and she whined about how upsetting it was to be held accountable.

What are some good colours? for hair


Jonathan Ichikawa in a typical tweet

Anyone want to tell me a secret? You can DM me and I promise to keep your secret


Jonathan Ichikawa (we told you he has the personality of a little girl)

I propose that you move your very personal—especially sexual, but also drinking habits, to a website like … in a world where every aspect of the human being is commodified and yet you advertise intimate aspects of yourself on your professional website—it comes across as you marketing/selling/advertising these things—and one has to wonder why. Can your work not stand on its own merit?


A student who impressively has Itchy Cock’s number

Ah pride month, right, hello. I am bi and polyamorous, trans women are women, asexuality is a thing, straight pride isn’t a thing, the gender binary is broken, nothing wrong with kink, ditch colonial bs, the nuclear family is a social construct and so is normative romance.


Carrie Jenkins-Ichikawa

[Drewzifer] Ray looks like one of the guys who escaped Jeffrey Dahmer’s apartment.

[Dan Friend] Unfortunately, he escaped.

[Ted Nguyen] Now he’s banging the nerdy white girl.


YouTube comments on the Nightline segment about the Ichikawas and their boyfriend Ray

External links

See also

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