Carly Fiorina

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"There is no job that is America's God-given right anymore. We have to compete for jobs as a nation. Our competitiveness as a nation is not inevitable. It will not just happen."

Carleton S. "Carly" Fiorina is Texas Republican Ted Cruz's running mate for the 2016 US elections as Lyin Ted & Fugly Fiorina Make America Hideous, despite her failed 2010 campaign for U.S. Senator from California against Barbara Boxer. Carly brags that she was the first woman to successfully run a Fortune 20 company despite nearly destroying it.[1]

Currently, Carly seems to be running for either best Pee Wee Herman impersonator or Worst CEO/Politican ever. Every photo of her appears to be her in a pantsuit.

Her husband Frank is a former executive for AT&T, but it is suspected that she is "the man" in their relationship.

The CEO from Hell

Fiorina , the short-haired CEO from hell, merged together Compaq and Hewlett-Packard in 2000. The new Hewlett-Packard saw 18,000 layoffs. Carly justifies her actions were necessary to create 24,000 jobs...outside the United States.

There is no job that is America's God-given right anymore. We have to compete for jobs as a nation. Our competitiveness as a nation is not inevitable. It will not just happen.


—Carly Fiorina, yes she really said this

In 2005, HP fired her for being a total bitch, and for letting go of 3000 more workers to buy two Gulf Stream Private Jets.[2] Some say the creators of Google bought those jets shortly after she returned them. However, Carly didn't walk away with nothing. As part of her termination, she gave herself a $21,000,000 golden parachute, of which part of her severance package was spent on her ill-advised 2010 campaign for the senate. True to Fiorina's style, she lost.

McCain's Campaign Economic Manager

As John McCain's campaign economic manager, Fiorina, being the hip trendy person that she is, encouraged John McCain to pick Sarah Palin over Tim Pawlenty as vice president. Her influence and poor decision making paved the way Barack Obama to move into the White House.

Faux News sauce

Fiorina, like Palin, has been a constant contributor at Faux News especially Faux News Sunday.

2016 Presidential Campaign

She decided to run for President but ended up as one of the least favored candidates. After sucking off Cruz and his staff in an orgy of ugly, Cruz decided that Fiorina would be a handy asset for his campaign and selected her as his running mate. Cruz/Fiorina 2016! What could possibly go wrong?

Loves doggie style

Last Thursday this bitch decided to go in front of camera and record herself with a shitful of puppies. They desperately tried to get away from her. The video is more of a dog clusterfuck than the videos of Whitney Wisconsin being fucked doggystyle. The video itself asks many more questions than anyone could ever hope to answer. The high point of the video is when she tries to eat dog food only to puke it up.

Carly Fiorina Dog Food.gif
I always used to eat Milk-Bones as a kid. I thought they were very good


Campaign Commercials

Calling out her opponents Tom Campbell and Barbara Boxer, Fiornia hired some stoner who watched way too many Terry Gilliam movies to make the following commercials.

The whole purpose of these commercials is to create or use forced memes that are unfunny.


See Also

Carly Fiorina
is part of a series on Politics.
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