CandyJunkie

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Brb, beating Ripper's high score.

Candyjunkie, whose real name was Abraham Biggs, (moar liek Jewbraham Niggs, amirite?) was a young nigra living in Miami, Florida. He thus presents an odd example of a suicide. It is, among niggers, extremely rare as they typically die in gang fights and KFC robberies (or both at once, for several gangs often attempt to steal chicken from said restaurant at the same time) before being able to kill themselves. Abraham, however, is what is known as an Oreo (white on the inside) or HALFRICAN AMERICAN, and as such, did what many whites do: he took large amounts of anti-depressants, chugged NyQuil and cried on internet forums. Eventually, young Abraham's genes betrayed him, and he chose to follow in the footsteps of Sean "Puffy" Combs by copying a white man who had played the same tune before him.

As Abraham had attempted to OD before, he foresaw little difficulty, but things got too real, too fast. Perhaps the funniest part of Abraham's suicide was that even though he had been dead for several hours, the cops still pulled their guns TASERS on him, which proves that even in a post-Obama America, you still CAN'T BE TOO FUCKING CAREFUL.

Wow. Around Blacks, NEVER relax, I guess.

The Timeline

Obviously butthurt over life, Candyjunkie proceeds to post a goodbye thread on a bodybuilding forum to inform the people of his commitment to becoming an hero.

ALL TIMES EST

  • Nov 19, 2008 4:56 AM: User CandyJunkie of BodyBuilding forums create a topic in the misc subforum announcing his intended suicide.

Thread: Ask a guy who is gonna OD (again) tonight anything,: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=247628331

  • Nov 19, 2008 5:17-5:18 AM: CandyJunkie lists the drugs he has taken and will overdose on: 16mg xanax, 7 roxies, 3 ultram and lexapro as his remaining drug. He leaves a copypasta suicide note.

Thread: I'm gonna have 40 2mg bars of Xanax Tonight! http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=111785651

Thread: I'm trippin on bars on my webcam http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=112065441


   
 
enjoy your nap.talk to you in a few days
 

 
 

—gotspeed22

  • Nov 19, 2008 5:32-5:51 AM: User izaktj reports CandyJunkie is trying to sleep. Miscers plays around with the thought of calling the cops, but ultimately shrug off the issue and thread. CandyJunkie's webcam continues to roll as he lays motionless during the 6 hours the thread is ignored.
  • Nov 19, 2008 12:04 PM: User baby_matty bumps thread, stating that CandyJunkie is "still laying there." Posters begin to suspect that CandyJunkie is no longer breathing because of the lack of movement on his webcam.
  • Nov 19, 2008 1:03 PM: After alerting forum moderators, user AlexNipples receives controversial response from moderator "Roxie" regarding taking action to save CandyJunkie.
  • Nov 19, 2008 1:05 PM: User IVEverLow posts thread linking to CandyJunkie's phone number. A few minutes later, a user calls, is forwarded to voicemail and leaves infamous message "Do it faggot." This user is now confirmed to be a retard. Posters begin to talk about CandyJunkie's lack of movement as a sign of death or drug induced coma.
  • Nov 19, 2008 1:53 PM: User Bulker reports CandyJunkie's personal information, including name and number. Suggests that they call cops. Posters discuss the legitimacy of the broadcast, considering the possibility that the video is a still image or on a loop, like in that crappy Keanu Reeves movie, Speed.
  • Nov 19, 2008 2:09 PM: Users take action. Bulker sends failed email to Miami police department, posts the Miami Police department contact information and urges other posters to contact.
  • Nov 19, 2008 2:41 PM: User mophatthedamaja confirms CandyJunkie's suicide note is indeed copypasta, while Normg002 posts link to CandyJunkie's MySpace page.
  • Nov 19, 2008 2:55 PM: User jjlee138 announces successful communication with police; reports they are en route to CandyJunkie's location.
  • Nov 19, 2008 3:30 PM: Live on webcam, Broward County police break down CandyJunkie's door, throw a board at Abraham's butt, and shine a laser on his leg. A cop covers the webcam. The broadcast ends.

Forced entry to scene of an hero http://www.vkmag.com/videos/videos_man_pleegt_zelfmoord_achter_webcam/

  • Nov 19, 2008 10:58 PM: Unconfirmed reports regarding Abraham's status.


   
 
HEY RETARD SUICIDES DONT ALWAYS MAKE IT ON THE NEWS
 

 
 

—daviddavidsonlol


   
 
no worrys I'm not gonna kill myself
 

 
 

—Candyjunkie - (sauce)

The Note

This note has been confirmed to be copypasta.

To Whom It May Concern,

I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on. I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am an [email protected]#hole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am not good enough for her. I have come to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think that I am a major disappointment to him. I have a job but I?m always broke and I am in college but barely, I show up to class but that?s about it. I want my life to end. I am tired of [email protected]#$ing up everything. I am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this post and I hope that my parents know that I [email protected]#$ed up not them. It is my fault I screwed up my own life. The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or those who have crossed my path. This hate rages full force towards me and only me. I have long forgiven those who've hurt me, but I have not and cannot come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and the things I've done to hurt those in my life. You have all touched my life in one way or another, especially those whom I call family. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long. Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain. I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created. Forgive me.

Love always and forever,

as for my signature I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone reads this they will know it's me, "Can't feel pain if your dead? Just Saying"

p.s. i told u i was hardcore

The Live Feed

CandyJunkie getting ready to enjoy some delicious candy.
"I'm gonna have 40 2mg bars of Xanax Tonight!"
An eager audience awaits.

Users on justin.tv claim to have seen him ingest pills and alcohol, after which he lies down and stops breathing for ten hours. At approximately 3:30PM, his door is broken down by a police officer who points his gun's taser's laser pointer at the passed out nigra's ass, just in case. After giving the okay, an EMT makes his way towards the body and (presumably) checks if CandyJunkie is alive. The police officer covers the webcam.

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See Also

External Links

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Featured article November 25, 2008
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