From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigationJump to search
#Buttes macros

Buttes 101

The Birth of Buttes

Buttes (Which you thought was pronounced "butts"; it can be pronounced this way or "byoots." or "butt ass." Both are deemed correct, since everyone got tired of arguing over it years ago.) began as a an off-shoot of the IRC channel #SHSC on ZiRC (THE SAFE HAVEN). The wastes of oxygen who owned #SHSC insisted on maintaining a ChanServ access list based entirely around users who were the biggest failures, possessed a moist cock-port, or had a body fat percentage of above 50%. Originally intended as a channel for the discussion of Richard Stallman, the GPL, and stage-1 Gentoo installs, #SHSC quickly became the cool place to hang out for broke goons who worked help desk jobs at local libraries or UNI.

Buttes founders endlessly spammed the channel with various colorful ascii art floods for lulz when it became apparent that #SHSC had absolutely no redeeming qualities and was filled with the biggest faggots the internet had ever seen. (For more information, see Goons.) Nall, prince, and the other furry ZiRC opers threatened Buttes members with being billed for the bandwidth they were using, despite their inability to create a network that doesn't split every 47 seconds.


ButtesNet is a network of multinational IRC servers with a large variety of users. Originally filled with current and former outcasts of Something Awful, a large contingent of ButtesNet users are permabanned from most places on the internet. ButtesNet users are encouraged to abuse each other with svsnick changes, sajoins, kills, fuckyou.pl, massive colorful floods, nickname collisions, and pretty much any other annoyance tactic which would never be tolerated on other networks. New users generally find themselves being abused the most, and must withstand the test of fire to be accepted.

ButtesNet can be found at irc.buttes.org and connecting with SSL on port 7001 is encouraged.


A typical day in #buttes

Due to the client-lagging display of color and text in #buttes, actual attempts to chat are now done in #cockes. ButtesNet's extensive charter, written entirely in Middle English, lists only one rule, which is to avoid the temptation to flood this channel. Violations of this rule are a sure-fire way to provoke drama and possibly lulz. Anyone in that channel who is not in #buttes is a pussy failure who should probably install irssi anyway.

The official IRC client of ButtesNet is irssi. ButtesNet recommends the use of a tall xterm with font size set to 'unreadable' for the optimal #buttes chatting experience.

Cowsay, figlet, gay.pl, and dau.pl are also recommended for participation on ButtesNet.

Noteable ButtesNet Channels

  1. #buttes is your one stop source for colorful ascii floods, macros, bots, and abuse.
  2. #cockes has only ONE RULE, no spam.
  3. #chatkrew trolls, ascii floods, and #ed refugees. burked.
  4. #onebutan is filled with Mac zealots, 90% of whom are confirmed homosexuals.
  5. #gbs-fm has a depressing amount of goons idling in it at all times.

ButtesNet Charter

/  )~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(  \
| (     BUTTESNET CHARTER     ) |
|  )~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(  |
| ( Contents                  ) |
|  ) I. Preamble             (  |
| (  II. User Guidelines      ) |
|  ) III. Admin Guidelines   (  |
| (  IV. Rules                ) |
|  ) V. 55555                (  |
| ( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ) |
|  )I. Preamble              (  |
| (   urmom                   ) |
|  )                         (  |
| ( II. User Guidelines       ) |
|  )  don't be a slant       (  |
| (                           ) |
|  )III. Admin Guidelines    (  |
| (   kill octalc0de a lot    ) |
|  )                         (  |
| ( IV. Rules                 ) |
|  )  no spam in #cockes     (  |
| (                           ) |
|  )V. 55555                 (  |
\ (   wow just wow            ) /
       \   ,__,
        \  (oo)____
           (__)    )\
              ||--|| *



Grog has been the source of most of the more severe drama on ButtesNet involving Bantown, GNAA, and who knows what else. Grog is currently reported to be imprisoned somewhere in Australia, yet even in his absence- the crop of drama seeds he planted are still sprouting. More information about Grog can be found in previous edits of this page. ButtesNet users are looking forward to the memory of Grog slowly fading as he rots in prison.

The official weapon of Cock Sabre fencing matches.

The ANUS Incident and irc.chir.pn

On June 3rd, 2006, ScheisseGern broke up with sam, allegedly due to creative differences. Sam wanted to sit on his web 2.0 throne, endlessly counting his web 2.0 fortune of gold coins and stroking his massive big-font web 2.0 e-cock. ScheisseGern, on the other hand, had an intense desire to travel the globe competing in Cock Sabre fencing matches- spreading bird flu at every stop on his international tour.

With any break up, drama exploded everywhere. ANUS and ex-GNAA members fled to the newly created Buttes splinter network, Chirpnet, which can be found at irc.chir.pn.

ChrisDKK and ButtesCon

ButtesCon is an event held once a year where every Buttes member who has dosed up on enough Paxil to leave the house without having endless panic attacks comes to hang out and discuss future trolls. ButtesCon 2, hosted in Chicago, featured Buttesians from all over the world all sitting in a circle on their laptops chatting in IRC. Attendance at ButtesCon is required if users expect to have any Buttes street cred'.

ChrisDKK lives in Arlington Heights, a suburb just outside of the city, and couldn't leave his imaginary girlfriend or hugbox for long enough to join the rest of the Buttesians at ButtesCon. ChrisDKK was promptly ruined, and shamed off the internet for having such severe Asperger's and refusing to admit his girlfriend doesn't exist.

Since the ANUS incident and the inception of Chirpnet, the future of ButtesCon is uncertain. The tentative ButtesCon 3 planning committee have already begun initial preparations and fully plan on having a hugbox available in attempt to lure more of the Asperger's afflicted Buttesians out of their parents' basement.

  1. cockes is currently infested by Nords. Buttes chat can't be recommended to anyone unless they enjoy useless imaginary E/N written in broken English and Nordic frottage.


Hector, the official mascot of Buttes.

Official Mascot

Hector is a fat and lazy cat who lives with sam and ScheisseGern. His days consist of sleeping, eating, using the cat box, and harboring illegal Mexican immigrants from the United States government. Hector drinks a lot of Corona, and prefers El Pastor tacos with avocado to cat food.

Semi-Mottled Members

ScheisseGern is one of the Metawire admins. ScheisseGern has severe irritable bowel syndrome, and spends hours of each day sitting on the toilet. He has been known to take his MacBook, loaded bong, phone, gyro sandwich, and a beverage in the bathroom with him for extended shitting sessions.

Non-Notable Members

  • sam is co-founder and provides much of infrastructure behind buttes, as well as wrote Prototype. (Which is pretty shitty according to radium.) sam also bears an amazing resemblance to Frodo Baggins.
  • Gudrow is the senile king of Buttes.
  • octarc0de is a chinee hax0r who serrs info to the PRA. Anyone with an o-line on ButtesNet is encouraged to /kill octalc0de a lot, per article III of the ButtesNet charter.
  • hello is a troll incarnate who cannot say anything without trolling anyone. Last Thursday hello claimed that his entire existence was one epic troll, and that everything he ever said was a lie. hello is currently missing in action.
  • zenwhen loves dicks, which makes the fact that he was recently married to some fat new-age Wiccan whore that much more amazing. Buttesians fully expect him to be divorced within the year.
  • zybl0re loves buttes, and is in charge of coding the ButtesNet warden bot to police #buttesprison. Too bad he's too fucking lazy to ever do it.
  • bleep loves MIPS and is probably the biggest nerd on ButtesNet.
  • mikael loves emacs
  • abez loves bleep. We keep him around because his sister is hot, he's married to a gook, and has an insatiable love for MANGOSTEEN.
  • Winkie loves hating freedom, and plays EVE Online too much.
Sample cat photo io posts.
  • io posts lots of links to photos of his cats on flickr, and is the source of many of the most recent Buttes trolls, since everyone else has become SO LAZY WITH THEIR TROLLING. He has also recently developed a disturbing obsession with Lazytown.
  • jre is a former Something Awful writer and admin and now randomly quotes Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd and posts links to JB pictures. jre is considered to be the ButtesNet JB connoisseur.
  • Mr_X might as well be a 16 year old girl, because he is so fucking stupid and his idea of trolling someone is about on par with what you'd expect in TeenChat on AOL.
  • karabiner is the resident alarmist, he is missing in action.
  • Engimo is a cool dude who loves a fresh cut of skirt steak and donges.
  • gooktime hates slants
  • andrzej is a dumb polock with a name which is unpronounceable by the tongue of man.
  • Euronymous changes IRC handles on a bi-weekly basis and is generally fairly busy fighting for the freedom of the Something Awful forums users- which everyone agrees is fairly strange considering he was permabanned in like, 1999.

NORD Members

  • DiKKy is the original Nordic frotman who types in caps, smokes lucky strikes and breaks shit when drunk.
  • a43 lives on welfare, uses BSD, reads Evola and plots the fall of mass immigration system across scandinavia.
  • Strid has met DiKKy IRL.
  • captain_g plans to produce pornography involving women with Kalle
  • Kalle is a mathlete who enjoys brick by brick deconstruction of the female soul and has just about every single mental and physical disorder available.
  • kalleboo is gay for macs, Sony ericcson and mroach

Honorary Nord Members

  • mroach loves kalleboo and GSM. No, seriously. He is also starring in this summer's new cult hit, GSM MAN.
  • Engimo is a cool dude who loves a fresh cut of skirt steak, donges and massive amounts of nordfrot.

Furry Members

  • weasel is a stupid mustelid.
  • Pi (previously known as goat-see) has quit his current lifestyle lifestyle and instead devoted his life to hanging out with furs on #buttes. Pi is a yiffy mousie.
  • necco is like a wolf or some shit and often goes on and on about his exciting fursona, sucking dicks, and the side effects of AIDS cocktails.

Suspected Pedophiles

  • Catbus spends endless amount of time adding layer upon layer of encryption on his Linux-based file server. Reportedly he has a 3.0Ghz P4 based machine with RAID 5 and so many different types of encryption that the processor is completely slammed upon accessing any file. Logging on to these drives requires his password, a USB key, and a second password only a friend of his knows. ...What would someone need that much protection for? Another nail in the coffin for Catbus is that he lives in a secluded shack in the woods without running water. He has a diesel powered generator to run his child pornography torrent box, which is fed with a DSL internet connection. Catbus also has no job, and is said to live off selling children candy.

Fun Member Facts

  • Most Buttesians are gay, furries, or have some other sexual deviation which makes then complete outcasts by society's standards.
  • Most Buttesians are virgins.
  • Buttesians don't use Windows and often IRC as root, to truly live life on the wild side.
Buttesians don't read books, and if they did they probably wouldn't read a Dan Brown novel.

Controversy and Illuminati

Buttes has been the subject of some anger over in many corners of the series of tubes which make up the internets after posts were made on TrollTalk hyping it up as a, underground troll organization. Most buttesians don't even know what Slashdot is. The tattered remnants of the GNAA occasionally harass or flood the network, under the misguided notion that some sort of feud exists (or that anyone on buttes remembers who they are).

Past and Present Trolls

Buttes has been involved in, and suspected of even more fuckery on or around the Something Awful. The shadowy and narcissistic TEAMBARRY organization is suspected to be composed of people from Buttes. TEAMBARRY hosted a troll blog for a short period at teambarry.org (archive) which resulted in much lulz.

Recent trolls claimed by Buttes have included the Where Da Moviez At drama where a popular Something Awful file sharing service wdma.biz shutdown and Buttesians pretended to be operating its replacement. Buttes released a press release about this matter on trolltalk.

Currently Buttes is running a forum where Something Awful members can air their grievances in a semi-anonymous and humorous environment called SASS. This forum is an image of what Something Awful's forums were in the early days, before it became an aspie-infested wasteland.

Due to the recent popularity of ButtesNet, most active trolling projects have gone underground and are discussed in secret channels where only the most trusted Buttesians are allowed. Needless to say, Buttes is still trollin' harder than ever.

See Also


External Links


is part of a series on


Please visit the IRC PORTAL for more



Portal trolls.png

Buttes is part of a series on


Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article July 31, 2006
Preceded by
Buttes Succeeded by
Featured article February 9, 2008
Preceded by
Buttes Succeeded by
Fuzzy mazza