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A purified form of a weird protein produced by the not your friend Botulinus bacteria which is usually found in rotting meat. For centuries it was a horrible and dangerously threatening poison; in the 21st century, insane and vapid middle-aged cunts inject it into their faces. Totally not making this up, fam.

Women on Botox Whining

{{squote|Worst of all, I can’t properly emote. During dinner the other night, a friend was recounting a harrowing tale of trauma she had recently endured, and I had to stop her mid-story.

“I apologize,” I told her, “but I had my face frozen so you aren’t seeing what I’m really feeling right now which is shock and sadness and horror. Just know that I love you?”

I repeated modified versions of this refrain to my therapist, to my ex, to my mother and sister. One of them admitted to having it done to alleviate migraine pain, so here, buried deep in this story, is a disclaimer: there are plenty of medical uses for Botox aside from treating strabismus, and I’m not addressing or criticizing those here. We’re strictly talking about the use of Botox for cosmetic enhancement.

The past few weeks have actually been not just physically odd, but emotionally trying. I’m severely self-conscious for the first time since high school. Not being able to feel a part of your body that you use constantly as a means of relating to other people is intensely frustrating. (Scarily, there’s evidence that not being able to express empathy through mimicry and mirroring inhibits the ability to feel empathy. Yikes.) I feel sort of like a mannequin come to life, and it’s a creepy, out-of-body experience. Unlike with my friends and the guy at Starbucks and my cab driver, I can’t really explain to my two-year-old why her mom’s face doesn’t move the way it used to..........|--ArchiveToday-favicon.pngwhine whine whine

Then, soon after, possibly the worst part hit me- the derealization. It crept on slowly until I realized, “holy shit….this is not normal”. I felt like I was floating through life, watching myself and the world through a dirty lense, with a sense of detachment. I felt very socially awkward and was not able to keep a normal conversation going with anyone. Then, I experienced a weak feeling in the entirety of my left leg. It made me extra clumsy when walking and i started tripping and losing my balance easily. I got many other symptoms: dizziness, zero appetite, fever, nausea, pains in my head and neck, a heaviness in my forehead, extreme extreme anxiety and panic attacks, depression, stomach cramps, inability to eat (i would take a bite of something and want to barf immediately). I also got feelings of numbness in my scalp/forehead, and my coordination was a bit off. I noticed, trying to apply eyeliner with my right hand, that I was a bit off and my whole hand and arm just felt “weird” and distant, like they didn’t belong to me. i had never experienced anything like that before. The dizziness i felt became near constant when walking…I never fell over or passed out (although it felt very close to), but the dizziness would just not go away. It was a vertigo kind of dizziness, it felt like the world was spinning around me.


—--sounds like a decent trip on shrooms man

BREAKING NEWS: Thanks to the Botox, I have a wonky eyebrow. I can raise both brows, but the right one gets lazy and just droops after about 3 seconds. The left stays put. I don’t need a “Zoolander” expression often and now I’m stuck with one for four to six months.

The doctor apparently hated my face. She told me I needed everything from fillers to lifts to reconstructive surgery in order to look “okay.” I can’t tell anyone I did it. (Well, until now.) I’m not trying to hear, “But you’re only 28!” My mom doesn’t know, but when she visited recently, she kept asking why I was looking at her “like that.”



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