Bob Allen

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Judgment Day
OJ's nephew, Titusville policeman Danny Kavanaugh
Fatty Republican faggot Bob Allen
Old pals from way back
Republican careers usually end this way
The good old days before 11 July
Prosecutors enjoy some quiet time together
Bathroom goblin Bob Allen demonstrating his fellatio technique for the jury
Lurid details

Bob J. "BJ" Allen, Republican State Representative of Merritt Island, Florida, has been found guilty of telling a black policeman that he would actually pay him $20 for the privilege of sucking his big black dick in the handicapped stall of a public restroom.


Bob was sentenced on Friday, 16 November. He got off easy.

His sentence includes:

  • Six months probation,
  • $250 fine,
  • must pay $245 for restitution to Titusville Police
  • must attend a HIV awareness class,
  • pay court costs
  • undergo sexually transmitted disease testing, and
  • is not allowed to return to Space View Park :(

Because of the nature of the crime, the results of Bob's STD tests will be made public.

The crime

On the steamy hot afternoon of Wednesday, 11 July 2007, Representative Bob Allen was loitering in and around the mens' room at a beachside park in the bad areas of Titusville, Florida. Although there are lightning storms in Florida more than 300 days each year, Bob claimed he was only hanging out there because he was afraid of the lightning.

Bob was sitting on the toilet waiting for someone to stop by. Suddenly he noticed a huge buck negro enter the restroom. Bob's cock began to stiffen as he watched the man take a leak, go to wash his hands, find that there were no more paper towels, and go into the handicapped stall to look for some.

That's when Bob made his move. He looked over the top of the stall and caught the negro's dreamy brown eyes with his.

"Hey buddy."

Bob burst out of his stall, and moved swiftly into the spacious handicapped stall with the black man.

"What's up?" asked the black guy, who was really a policeman named Danny Kavanaugh. "Hi..." Bob stammered again. "This is kind of a public place... If I give you $20, will you let me blow you?"

Catching his drift, the cop asked Bob if maybe they should go someplace more private. Bob enthusiastically agreed, and as they were about to leave in Bob's car, the policeman arrested him.

Bob's excuses

Bob was a Florida State Representative. It is an important elected office. He represents his city in the state legislature, which means that one or two days a month he goes to the state capital of Tallahassee for a couple of hours of meetings. The rest of the time he plays golf, loiters in the mens' room and collects $150,000/year in salary.

Naturally, as a married man and an elected official, this had the potential to be an embarrassing experience. He immediately and frantically began making up lots of silly lies, all of which the policemen were writing down, in a vain attempt to explain his behavior. He was just scared of the black guy, and a couple of other black guys he saw in the parking lot. Man, some shit's gonna go down. Bob was scared. He only burst into the handicapped stall in a misguided effort to seek the black man's protection from the other black guys, which he would surely give Bob after a nice BJ and a 20-spot.

Noone believed Bob's stories. Especially his long-suffering wife.

After a quick but embarrassing trial, Bob was found guilty on November 9th 2007.

Who is Bob Allen?

Bob Allen co-sponsored a bill months before his arrest that would have increased public sex charges from a misdemeanor to a felony. The proposed bill addressed "unnatural and lascivious acts or exposure or exhibition of sexual organs" within 1,000 feet (304 meters) of a park, school or child care facility.

Bob was listed as co-chair for John McCain's Florida presidential campaign. He was first elected to the Florida House in 2000, and is married with one daughter. He lists his recreational interest as "water sports".

The Central Florida Gay Rainbow Democratic Club, which rates politicians using their Wizard of Oz-based scale, ranks Bob Allen as a "Wicked Witch", the "absolute worst of the worst".

Between 2003 and 2006 Allen voted with the Christian Coalition over 90% of the time. Allen has been endorsed by the Florida Right to Life Committee.

The Republican Blogosphere goes wild at the news

  • Please give Allen the benefit of the doubt and let him appeal the verdict. Larry Craig has been afforded the same benefit. Give Allen a chance. Posted by: | November 10, 2007 at 09:07 AM [EDITORIAL NOTE: HAHAHAHAHA, um, no.]
  • I am not an attorney, but can Allen have his conviction vacated until the appeals are exhausted? Posted by: | November 10, 2007 at 10:30 AM [EDITORIAL NOTE: HAHAHAHAHA, um, no.]
  • What’s the big deal, I thought the dems said this behavior was normal...just a life style choice.
  • If he was a Democrat the response from his party and the media would be, “nothing to see here, folks, move on...” Barney Frank would be jealous and nothing more would be heard about it.
  • These idiotic scandals are killing us. The boy scouts are right to keep “homosexuals” out and we should do the same. Anyone running for office as a Republican needs to be given a VERY through background investigation before a dime of cash or support is provided.
  • Sex! I think he thought the cop was one of the Village People...
  • This is beyond revolting. And yet the homos continue to insist that “it’s just an alternative lifestyle choice”. Obviously there are public health reasons we used to have sodomy laws. What will it take before we return to the days of common sense in dealing with these scum?
  • There is a chance this whole thing is a frame-up by some militant homosexuals (who hate Allen for his family-values). [EDITORIAL NOTE: HAHAHAHAHA, um, no.]

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