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It's fucking useless

Bing, also known as LMGTFY Beta is a search engine developed by Microsoft. As such it is very widely used by those too incompetent to change their Internet Explorer settings or other Windows defaults to use something that actually retrieves viable search results. It's perhaps most notable for its ability to retrieve search results which are so intuitive as to not having the text you searched for anywhere on the pages linked. It achieves this in the typical Microsoft fashion of telling you what you really wanted, because let's face it: You're too stupid to be using a search engine anyways and we all know you were really trying to find MSNBC news articles.

The Technology

Unlike Google, which only uses a narrow spectrum of what matches meta data combined with how many views each page gets from google results, Bing uses a dynamic array with several variables considered when supplying its search results. In order of importance they are:

  1. How much money the search result has paid Microsoft for their rank
  2. How much money the result's Microsoft AdChoices make
  3. How many redirects back to Microsoft sites the result yields
  4. Whether the site is an affiliate of Microsoft (Hotmail, MSNBC,, etc.)
  5. How the result is trending on Google
  6. How much money the result's domain is worth
  7. How much money the result's domain's owner is worth
  8. Whether or not the user actually searched for the result

Naturally these are weighted with income being the most important, potential income coming second, and user input coming last. For such advanced searching algorithms to work, Microsoft has to employ a full time staff of over 300 niggers to constantly monitor and collect data, compare the data in Microsoft Excel, create a Powerpoint Presentation, consult their bankers, and finally print out a report in Microsoft Word, by which point he entire concept is so fucked up and unreadable from Clip art and MSPaint drawings nobody cares and they just print their bank accounts on the search result.

Fun Facts

  • The most searched for thing on Bing is Google
  • The second most searched for thing on Bing is Yahoo
  • Despite being one of the richest corporations in the world, Microsoft still manages to get assraped by Google in any field Google attempts
  • No matter how hard you try, you will have Bing as your default search engine or something somewhere (You should really try harder)
  • At least Macfags don't have to deal with this shit.

Did you mean Google?

See Also

External Links


Bing is part of a series on


Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

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Bing is part of a series on


Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.

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