Before the internets

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Before the internets, children would endlessly roam the earth for precious lulz
Shakespeare was lead developer of drama in olde Englande.
The first black man to peep white ass, forever changing the course of history.

Refers to the time period before the first tube of the internet was erected (as originally modeled after Al Gore's cock.) This tube experienced its very first use in 1969.

This time period extends from that time, backward to the birth of human civilization. It is commonly noted for its cheap imitations of features typically avaliable on the internet.

Example features of the before-internet:

  1. Sex was uniquely designed to weed out retards, as one had to figure out that the round peg indeed goes in the round hole. Those slightly less stupid understood this mechanism, though some eventually got it wrong.
    Modern day sex requires only a keyboard, made convenient with its 104 standard keys. seexxy... Cocks are clearly inferior because they have only one key. Plus, its USB connection is internal and it's all hairy and shit.
  2. Forums were these gigantic masses of land in which thousands of people were logged on at any given moment. The admin was given a metal goatse ring to wear on his head as proof of his superiority and to throughly shock any newfags who dare cross him.
    Today's forums are shit
  3. People had sex with other people.
  4. IRL forums were so gigantic that it would take large groups of people to effectively troll another forum. Getting plucked off a wheat field by King Leonidick to "go trolling" sounded really stupid, so they just called it war. This process involved years of planning and strategy to accomplish an epic win.
    Now, any jackass can do it. Often, one person can ruin a forum worse than any one IRL troll can ruin a country. At least by ratio of effort : amount of shit that gets ruined.
    • Note: Any action that resembles IRL war in size, scope, damage, or strategy is called a raid.
  5. Art was a sought-after ideal of perfection and grandeur beyond that within any scope of nature. It was painstakingly drawn stroke for stroke on canvas, or tortuously cock-chiseled from the dried cum of the gods. Artists were brilliant masterminds in their craft and probably got laid more than your pussy history teacher let on.
  6. Lulz was a foreign concept for many indigenous peoples of the world. Unfortunately, there were only 4 different types of lulz that occured during this time period.
  7. Capital punishment
  8. Embarrassing military defeats. Wikipedia is obviously biased as French military history has only 96.0% relevancy.
  9. Them crazy niggaz!
  10. and rape, obviously.

And then God/Jesus/Mohammed/Quasidan/Buddha/Longcat/Carlos Mencia said...

LET THERE BE LULZ! then in a flash of light, the mighty kingdom of the 7 chans rose up from the ground. it's walls gleaming with CP and loli, stained glass windows of girl on girl with a prostitute on every corner. and sitting on the pure wank pedestal at the top of the city, was anonymous. he opened his mouth to remove a golden ban hammer and said "this is our kingdom for which we shall forever reign, no furry shall be left un-lynched, no man shall be denied his pr0n and all who troll will be struck down with the mighty ban hammer and cast out into the abyss of IRL where there will be cutting and an heroing of fags. this will be our kingdom now and forever, lulz....."

Evolution & the first real WHITE AMERICAN humans

Evolution of man.gif

Since quite a time before the internets, people have believed in only one linear form of evolution.

Monkey - slightly-fucked up walking monkey - man with monkey face - black person - human!

However, since the dawn of the internet wisdom we know this not to be true, since this theory completely ignores nigras, furries, goons, fatties, btards, pedophiles (well actually, that fits in with...) and 16 year old girls.

In more righteous world, Charles Darwin would surely have been banned from Whitepeopletown, but alas... the man lived in a time of no internets.

See Also