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Bahrain is a small country in the Arabian Peninsula that is a protectorate of the Wahhabist Saudi Royal Family. No one would give a shit about Bahrain if it weren't for all the oil that it sits on top of and the fact that it has an excellent deep water port for Zionist forces to use against Terrorist Iran. Due to this importance for showing those Iranians and any other Arab who is boss, as long as the country remains stable for America's naval interests, things would be good for all. This peacefulness would not remain the case for long. For those who have been living under a rock, since December 17th, 2010, much of the Arab World has been engulfed in revolution. While there have been moderate successes in Tunisia and Libya, Egypt has been trickier business, and Syria has turned to pure shit. One revolution has experienced a media blackout due to the conjoined interests of American military interests and corporate media in mutual cahoots to hide the truth. This media blackout is an unacceptable attempt by numerous political forces to hide the fact they don't actually care about human rights and the Democracy they use as excuses to invade countries. Do you have doubts about this being a conspiracy? Well that was pretty stupid of you, but then again it wouldn't be effective propaganda if most people didn't believe those lies. In this eternal struggle for the right to simply tell the truth, Encyclopedia Dramatica wishes to present the greatest drama bomb ever to be unleashed on the United States: The Bahrain Revolution.

What is Bahrain

Not a bad list of exports.
Subjugated women don't protest for democracy using signs with quotes from American revolutionary Patrick Henry, suffrage feminists do.

Bahrain is a small island kingdom located in the Persian Gulf that no one cares about. In the long history that Bahrain has been inhabited, the people of Bahrain have ruled by many foreign sovereigns, but never their own. Currently, the occupation of Bahrain is controlled by another group of foreigners today who are cleverly disguised as the "legitimate" Al Khalifa Royal Family. When oil was first discovered in the Middle East in 1932, in Bahrain no less, only a small amount of oil was discovered. This development propelled the Bahraini economy to diversify away from oil, into aluminum and aluminum accessories, finance services, infrastructure, and tourism. This early economic diversification has allowed Bahrain to become much more modern in terms of socioeconomic and cultural values. Despite the common photographs of Bahraini women in Islamic Jilbāb, it is equally common to see Bahraini citizens in alternative clothing styles.

Due to the excellent economic management of the King of Bahrain, Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa, Bahrain is the 12th freest economy according to a very important conservative think-tanks. Somehow the ruling Bahraini elite have managed to convince conservatives in America that the economic status quo in Bahrain is some how "free markets," when the Bahraini Royal Family continually resorts to allowing corruption and nepotism to flourish among the elite. This would seem problematic for conservatives, but it isn't like these people are actual conservative capitalists themselves, so they look the other way. If it weren't for Bahrain's excellent port that allows strategic control of the Persian Gulf, America would be invading Bahrain for their refineries and other wealth under the guise of bringing "Freedom and Democracy" to an oppressed people living under a tyrannical autocratic regime. But this isn't the case because Bahrain is our friend much like our many other loyal Muslim allies in Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Turkey, Afghanistan, and Pakistan our regional partners in peace.

So what is the lol-down on what has happened in Bahrain?

Despite what corporate media tells you, or rather never mentions, is that our best allies in the Middle East are Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, the United Arab Emirates, Turkey, and Israel. Only the last two are democracies and only Turkey has a ruling elite who aren't radicals in either sense. While there is plenty to bitch about the Jews, there are other people almost as bad in the Middle East. The ruling families of Saudi Arabia and Bahrain are despotic autocrats with a notable few being terrorists or govern under the Islamist ideals of the Wahhabi sect. Not only did some our greatest enemies from Al-Qaeda were members from the Saudi Royal family who were never completely ostracized from the family's Arab Money, terrorism isn't unknown to the Bahraini Royal family either, but unlike any younger brother, they are much lamer and get caught. So when secular democracy protests broke out on the small, industrialized island nation of Bahrain, the cartel of oil tycoons, wahhabists, Western allies, and terrorists had their authority challenged by unarmed protesters, they only had one logical choice.

Revolution Begins

Look at how dangerous these protesters are.

On February 14th 2011, pro-democracy protesters inspired by the revolutions first sparked by a fruit merchant who set himself on fire decided to congregate in the Pearl Roundabout in Manama, Bahrain. This lasted for four days until a crackdown by police forces during the night left several dead and dozens seriously injured. This trend set by the police that night was the beginning of many times Bahraini hospitals would be overcrowded after a crackdown on unarmed protesters. This night became known as Bloody Thursday by Bahraini revolutionaries, and it became an early reminder to the Bahraini revolutionaries that no one cares about their struggle for democracy. On March 9th, 2011, the largest protest in Bahrain's history, various authorities claiming the numbers ranged from over 100,000 people to 250,000 people, meaning that 12%-25% were fearless enough to face violence to demand a secular democracy.

The Empire Strikes Back

The size of the protest scared the Bahraini Royal family that they called in foreign mercenaries whom arrived on March 14th, 2011. A day later the King of Bahrain declared martial law for three months during a crackdown that not only targeted unarmed activists, but also bloggers and even doctors.

look at all the "trolls" on the Stratfor Channel Youtube pagel

The Internet Clean up

After the crackdown led by foreign mercenaries waged a war of state sponsored terrorism against protesters, the government continued the crackdown further. The Bahraini government sponsored a program via facebook to identify protesters whose pictures had been taken at protests so they could be ostracized and potentially arrested. If you ever read a comment on a website that seemed incredibly opinionated to the point you don't think it is genuine, you wonder if a troll was paid to make that comment, this is what happened en masse in Bahrain. During this entire time, Facebook moderators remain indifferent for weeks at a time allowing numerous pages dedicated to this internet lynching to run amok.


The human rights violations continued recently when a Bahraini court upheld a decision to prosecute nine doctors for their political affiliations such as treating dying protesters or showing up at protests. Despite the absurd decisions of these kangaroo courts, the neocons at the Heritage Foundation continue to view Bahrain as a shining light in a dark part of the world. These people believe that "rule of law only applies to property rights and not to internationally recognized human rights such as not torturing your own people, especially for the crime of demanding secular democracy via peaceful means or doing things like this.

At the other end of the ideological spectrum of neocons, the United States government postponed selling $53 million dollars of weapons to Bahrain due to laws that prevent our government from selling weapons to countries who engage in human rights violations. Instead of obeying the common sense law, the White House utilized a loophole that if the weapons packages were each sold with a price-tag of under one million dollars, there are no legal restrictions on whoever the White House wishes to sell weapons to, including terrorists ranging from Al-Qaeda to the state sponsored terrorism of Bahrain. The State Department spokeswoman, Victoria Nuland, claimed that the shipments of ammunition, Humvees, and missiles couldn't be used on protesters.

Until recently, the protesters themselves have been mostly peaceful, occasionally footage of a single protester attacking police emerges on the internet as a justification for the crackdown, but that is just Bahraini regime's propaganda deceiving you from the truth. At this point in the revolution, the Bahraini government has denied all peaceful means for reform and invited foreign mercenaries to murder protesters as they please. Peaceful protests cannot work as you cannot convince foreign mercenaries to join your side, they have no loyalty to the country or its people. The American Founding Fathers couldn't have used peaceful means on establishing sovereignty against a force of foreign occupiers, they needed to use violence to overthrow the British Army. The same can be said here about Bahrain, only violence directed at overthrowing the thuggish elite can achieve a secular democracy and real human rights, not simply property rights for the plutocrats.

The elaboration on why/how we managed to pull this shit off

Encyclopedia Dramatica managed to pull this off because we weren't joking around about our claims in our Five Year Plan, we intend on doing all of this. However, Encyclopedia Dramatica can only do so much, since website content is submitted by users like you, we cannot accomplish anything without your dedication and your labor. The EDiots in Bahrain are literally risking their lives and careers in an attempt to expose the truth for your pleasure and education, the least you can do is donate with writing/editing or money. While such donations in writing and money are humbly desired, if you are dedicated to the cause your efforts can be used towards an article contribution similar to this article or Broadside would be most appreciated (not that any donation goes unappreciated here). If you can't do that, tell your friends about us, our only means of advertisement is word of mouth and plenty of internet users who don't realize that Encyclopedia Dramatica is back online.

We encourage any Bahraini revolutionaries who discover this article to upload information to this page as our EDiot on the ground can only do so much has gone silent. Hopefully, she hasn't been killed in the line of duty. This would make this brave EDiot the first to die in the lulz of duty. She most likely, like many others in this revolution, did not die well.

Timeline of events since infiltration

August 9th 2012

These are maps and emails from American officers in Bahrain sent out to various individuals that Encyclopedia Dramatica has acquired. We have self censored them as we don't need faggots doxing government officials when it is unnecessary. Disregard that, do as you please.

August 13th 2012

The documents we (look at North) have acquired match up with serious protest crackdown that happened on the ground, though the protest happened a day earlier than expected, suggesting that Bahraini and American officials have inefficient intelligence gathering techniques.

August 18th 2012

August 21th 2012

August 22th 2012

At a funeral for a teenage protester shot by police the prior week, funeral attendees pelted rocks and petrol bombs at security forces.

August 26th 2012

August 31st 2012

Tens of thousands of peaceful protesters marched in the first authorized opposition protest allowed since June. Numerous signs calling for the release of political activist Nabeel Rajab who was sentenced to three years in prison for leading protests. The peaceful nature of these protests is not expected to last long given the tendency of crackdowns at funerals and targeting Shia ghettos.

September 4-7th 2012

Protests are increasing in size and frequency that it is resulting in sudden school cancellations and gas mask fittings ordered upon American forces. While there still hasn't been any violence directed at Americans (despite the letters' subtext wishing otherwise), violent protests are increasing in number towards the autocratic regime's forces.



—The DoD doesn't like blogging

October 4th 2012

October 8th 2012

There is an APP to report all protests to the U.S. Embassy and NSA Bahrain. This APP can be accessed by anyone so use this as you please.

November 5th 2012

The Bahraini people celebrated this November 5th with IEDs today, but the people who died were Asian expats and not Bahraini police. The Bahraini government calls this terrorism as it glosses over the fact they are the ones engaged in terrorism against their own people.

July 31, 2013

A law restricting protests after recent amendments were added to it has received criticism by the United Nations. Protesters have been working to get a massive protest prepared for August 14. Hopefully this time, 200,000, or more, pro-democracy protesters marching in the street demanding real reform will get attention from the United States and Europe to actually put pressure on Bahrain for reform. Just kidding, that shit isn't going to happen since none of those countries care about democracy as the sad case of Bahrain has proven. Hopefully, 200,000, or more, pro-democracy protesters will have the strength to deal with state sponsored terrorism of a king who has lost his mandate of heaven deserves to be treated.

August 14

Given the protest planned for today was established several weeks ago, police had been preparing ahead of today's demonstrations by planting barbed wire around villages to prevent people from easily accessing the main streets. Undeterred by the pigs, the pro-democracy protesters managed to protest regardless. Day time protests were met with copious amounts of tear gas. The police retreated at night because it is dangerous for them to get away with smashing skulls any more without justified retaliation.

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