Ayn Rand ✡

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With Jews, you lose!
I hope you don’t have friends who recommend Ayn Rand to you. The fiction of Ayn Rand is as low as you can get re fiction. I hope you picked it up off the floor of the subway and threw it in the nearest garbage pail. She makes Mickey Spillane look like Dostoevsky.


—Flannery O'Connor

Ayn Rand as an innocent little girl. I wonder if she had fantasies of being raped back then?
Looking glamorous during her cameo in a popular Disney film.
Randriods in the government got her put on a stamp. She It still looks like a manly dyke.
In all her manliness.
A Wyatt Mann gets it right.
In all her Jewness.

Originally named Alisa Zinovievna Rosenbaum, Ayn Rand was born into a wealthy Bourgeois family in Russia. However, in her early years, the Jews lost control of her country and the Commies came and took all of her family's Jew Gold away, thus making her poor less wealthy. So, like any angsty teen, she read too much Nietzsche, rebelled against the system, named herself after a typewriter, and wrote a lot of crappy literature that caught on with college students, 16 year old girls, and other selfish, egotistical gaylords and sociopaths. Her sci-fi religion, Objectivism, never caught on like wildfire among those who had piles of money and wanted to keep those piles and create newer, bigger piles while they were at it; but it was a success among poor, lonely anti-hippie atheist intellectuals of the 1960s and onward. On the other hand, her brilliant philosophy of "all women have fantasies about being raped", as laid out in her best-selling novel The Fountainhead, caught on like wildfire with the masses, regardless of political, philosophical, or religious persuasion.

Objectivism (Rand's philosophy religion cult) launched a Jihad against rational thought and any sense of charity (even absent of the weak logic for taxation) at least a millennium ago. Therefore ED lies as high in their priorities as their acolytes typical state of mind (see graphic to the right). Yet in spite of this, Rand and her minions are largely humorless dickless wonders.

Ayn Rand and friend.


My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as an heroic being


—Ayn Rand

Ayn's self-made biopic about her life. In truth, Ayn was a monstrously vindictive whore, and an unrestrained slut.

A less successful version of Dianetics, it consists of a "technology" to make socially backward basement dwellers into self-righteous zealots.

Objectivism came from Ayn's utter hatred of communism with every centipede in her vagina. She knew that when you give people a chance to be fair in all things, they would wait until you weren't looking and steal everything that wasn't nailed down and on fire (On-line communists will argue that capitalism causes this greed, because they have no experience of owning anything anyone else wants). That's why we have the godly government which is composed of people with a higher nature than us and who shit ice cream and piss champagne.

In her own words:

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.

Kill by laughter. Laughter is an instrument of human joy. Learn to use it as a weapon of destruction. Turn it into a sneer. It’s simple. Tell them to laugh at everything. Tell them that a sense of humor is an unlimited virtue. Don't let anything remain sacred in a man’s soul – and his soul won’t be sacred to him. Kill reverence and you’ve killed the hero in man.


—Ayn Rand, on Lulz

TL;DR? She expected all men to be a combination of Indiana Jones and Thomas Edison, fighting looters like gold-crazed Nazis and single-handedly inventing practical new alloys AT THE SAME TIME. Those seeking to become heroes through Objectivism, by contrast, end up as failures who wish Rush wrote songs about them. Her book Atlas Shrugged shows that she's a staunch libertarian on all issues except labor, because unskilled workers were put on the Earth by a God she doesn't believe in to be used and abused by the upper class and then discarded. Basically, it's Stalinism with the identities of the "workers" and "parasites" reversed: where purging the poor would put an end to poverty and the "oppression" of "great" men. Proletarians aren't human, they're scum - making her "philosophy" a less honest version of Nietzsche's. Not to mention that she had a major cult of personality.

As an economic theory, Objectivism can be accurately modeled using cheese triangles.

Ayn Rand outlined her vision of aesthetics in The Romantic Manifesto and The Art of Fiction Writing in which she explains how to plagiarize lesser known novels such as Garet Garrett's The Driver and Yevgeny Zamyatin's We, and then use them as a vehicle for a crude, batshit insane home-made religion for turning ordinary people into autistic sociopaths.

In her own words:

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as being too retarded for real philosophy but not retarded enough for Scientology.

And the Jew will inherit the Earth

Objectivists imagine a rational world where everybody would mind their own rational self-interest and people wouldn't troll each other but work individually to achieve unparalleled wealth. This means creating more A.I., who would naturally decide that people are not as rational as robots and should therefore be exterminated for having seized the undeserved like the socialist leeches we are. Since the pursuit of wealth by robots is their highest principle only after Israel's right to exist, it can be concluded that the Jews will be the only "humans" to inherit the Earth.


The Fountainhead

Rand's first book was The Fountainhead, a novel that was part rape-fantasy romance novel, part glorified masturbationfest towards people who draw Italian postcards, and part condemnation of the dumbing-down of the American people. The story involves a down-and-out architect turned rapist and arsonist that no one will hire because he doesn't build according to the tastes of the dumb ignorant mob. He rapes a rich girl who was asking for it. She then becomes obsessed with him but shows her commitment by marrying everyone BUT her obsession because she thinks that, if they stay apart and remain miserable, they will be superior to the chattel of humanity that surrounds them. If you're forced to read a single Ayn Rand novel, make it this one, as it's shorter (by Rand standards) and the characters have a smattering of personality.

The plot can be broken down like this:

  • Random shit happens in the beginning to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is, and how feeble and selfish Peter Keating is.
  • More random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how selfish Ellsworth Toohey is
  • More random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how selfish everyone is
  • Finally, some random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how much more awesome he really is
  • Climax: Howard Roark is a hero and very very awesome. Ayn Rand would eat his poop any day.

It was made into a movie in 1948, infamous as far as Rand throwing a tantrum to force the screen-writers to keep her long, incoherent speech at the end when the architect-rapist-arsonist speaks to a jury and successfully gets acquitted by playing the "I blew up a building because I had the right to do so as an individual" card.

Face it. Howard could never, ever, EVER have survived in the real capitalist world.

The Fountainhead was remade in 2000 into the brilliant film, American Psycho.

Atlas Shrugged

The poster child for TL;DR, Atlas Shrugged is considered the gateway book for Rand's cult of Objectivism. The Israelies in charge of her estate are collecting money and pushing more amounts of indoctrinating TL;DR into schools. Better than the Catcher in the Rye, though: it weights more.

Atlas Shrugged is a 10,000,000-page brick of a book whose supposed climax is a 60-page speech by the main character, who doesn't actually show up until page 600. In it, Rand outlines her utopia: men are men, women are subservient, maniacal bitches, and everybody who has ever disagreed with her, faltered in their agreement with her, or just not agreed hard enough dies a horrible, slow death after the fall of civilization.

Back in the 1970s, Albert S. Ruddy, the producer of "The Godfather," first approached Ayn Rand to make a movie of her novel "Atlas Shrugged." But Rand, who had fled the Soviet Union and gone on to inspire capitalists and egoists everywhere, worried aloud, apparently in all seriousness, that the Soviets might try to take over Paramount to block the project.

The plot goes something like this: America is ruled by generic 50's socialist overlords who have everyone turned into lazy drunken Russians and broke everything until John Galt, a robot from the future, comes back in time to save computers and major airlines from not being created. At the same time a nymphomaniac has a crush on the android, and then they have robot sex in the subway. It takes 1,200 pages to sum it up. Thankfully, internets has done this for us.

Essentially, Atlas Shrugged was a Railroad Tycoon fanfic with Dagny as Rand's mary-sue.


—some c/lit/

The opening words of this book are "Who is John Galt?" ParkingStones crossed out the words "Who is John Galt?" and replaced them with "Dude, Where's My Car?" The meaning stayed pretty much the same.

It's more useful as a doorstop than actual reading material.


Ayn Rand having fun with a few minor followers.
/v/s take on all of it.

In contrast, her novella by the name of Anthem is written on three toilet papers. Ayn once used them to clean her period blood off of her cat's mouth. She was so inspired by her kitty's explosive tongue action that she immediately wrote every word that came to her brain. The result was Anthem.

This abomination of a book is about one man living in a brain-dead society where the pronoun "I" no longer exists and everybody is mentally and physically enslaved to the state and the collective mentality. The setting in the book could be described as the one in Orwell's 1984, but much stupider and less creative. The main character invents a lamp made from random pieces of metal and wiring he found while lurking in the sewers instead of doing his work. He develops unwarranted self-importance from doing so, and becomes a complete prick. He then goes and presents it to Rand's version of the UN in the book. They get all butthurt about him doing anything independently by himself, and try to kill him. The main character then runs off into the woods like a little bitch, and takes his hoe named "The Golden One" with him. They then find an abandoned house and squat there, and loot all of the stuff left there. It is important to note that Rand incoherently rants about the parasitic working class living off the government in many of her books, but the main character in one of her fucking books is a unemployed squatter.

Then they make the secks and have children and build their own Libertarian utopia. At the end of the book, Rand goes off into her usual psychopathic rant about parasitic leeches and a sense of compassion being a horrible abomination.

This book is quite popular among 13-year-old boys and other semi-illiterate "Libertarians" as they are too stupid to be able to finish any of her other, longer books. Needless to say, the book is totally devoid of any real content or philosophical arguments and is best used as fuel for a fire or destroyed in other amusing ways.

This book is also great to read while fucking a cheap whore, since both are really men in disguise.

What to do with her "novels"

  • Beat up children with them, because nobody has phone books anymore. It doesn't have to be your children, any children will do nicely.
  • Bring one within 25 feet of a Liberal or Communist and be entertained by their head exploding.
  • Fuel for a great campfire. Even better, roll them up and tie them with a wire and they're even better than a duraflame log.
  • Rip out the pages and use them as a jizzrag for your continuous fapping you do in your basement.
  • Throw them in the trash where they belong.
  • Fix the wobble under the table.
  • As a prop to convince everyone that you're a pseudointellectual piece of shit that enjoys reading self-masterbatory fiction.
  • Torture. Offer up Rand's books as a substitute for water boarding and you'll have every prayer mat neck beard in Gitmo spilling their guts while crying to the UN about civil rights violations.
  • Insulation for you Basement apartment in your mom's house.
  • Write a song based off of it and make it more popular than the original.

Biography of Fail

Vindictive Whore

Ayn Rand married struggling actor Frank O' Connor in 1929; as Ayn was a power-mad feminist writer, Frank quickly assumed the role of bitch to his domineering wife. When Ayn met the young (and married) Objectivist and fantard Nathaniel Branden, the two began fucking each other, ultimately telling their spouses that they needed to STFU about Ayn and Nathan's adultery and live with it.

During this time, Nathaniel Branden became a leading figure in spearheading the Objectivist movement. But this all came to an end, when Nathaniel was caught fucking a third woman, a young actress, behind Ayn Rand's back. Ayn disowned her boytoy and had him become a pariah within the Objectivist movement for daring to cheat on Ayn. Of course, Ayn herself was cheating on Branden, with Alan "I accidentally the dollar" Greenspan, who remarked "I have fucked many women over the years, but never have I fucked a woman like Rand, whose vagina was crawling with centipedes!"

Welfare Queen!

Ayn Rand always stayed true to her political beliefs... UNTIL SHE GOT CANCER!! Turns out the free market believed that Rand didn't earn enough money writing shitty rape-fantasizing "fiction novels" while tweaking on methamphetamines to continue living. So rather than staying true to her "philosophy" by choosing to die from the cancer she got from her own stupid choice to smoke (which she said didn't cause cancer), she wrapped her luscious lips around the government tit she had so furiously riled against in her books before, and sucked on it vigorously.

However, to her followers worshipers, she proudly declared that she was only taking back money the she was forced to pay in. She maintained this lie by never bringing it up in the company of the mass media or her fanboys, and accepting her delicious welfare under her married name Ann O'Connor. And, once again, proving the stupidity of her worshipers, it, to a large degree, worked.

Ayn Rand, A Sense Of Life

A rosy documentary on the wonderful life of Ayn Rand, causing much fapping among Randroids. Fortunately, the abortion of a "documentary" was not fully uploaded.


Virtual Objectivsm

The Objectivist Institute has a presence on Second Life, where it is located at Marco Island 87, 34, 23 ("Your Galt's Gulch away from home"). The sheer immensity of the faggotry and pseudointellectual circle-jerking that goes on there is suspected to defy most traditional methods whereby such faggotry is quantified.

Noteworthy Randroids



Trolling with Rand

More recently, at least one doinitright use for Rand's works has been discovered: as an instant troll-button for the otherwise troll-resistant hive of astute literary critics known as /lit/.

Step 1: Head over to Amazon and snag a picture of the cover of any 'novel' by Rand. This will be useful for step 2.

    Note: though Atlas Shrugged is the optimal choice, The Fountainhead will also do.

Step 2: Head on over to /lit/. Post the image -- you may remember this from step 1! -- with a sincere-sounding paragraph to the effect that you've just finished the book, agree with everything in it, and would like to discuss it with other Pretty Cool Guys. For increased troll power, note that you are a high-school student and do not read much literature.

Step 3: As genuine fans of the novel are drawn to the thread, a southerly trollfront rolls in. This collides with the lingering mass of oldfags to create a perfect trollstorm.

Step 4: Seek shelter until the trollstorm has passed! Alternately, venture into the eye of the trollstorm to post a follow-up-troll to the effect that you hated Catcher in the Rye, Slaughterhouse Five, or anything by Nabokov.

    Note: this requires you to pass a persuasion check, or be detected and forced to begin the troll again.

Step 5/6/: ???, profit, etc

Trolling Ayn Rand worshippers

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