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Atheism is a fad cult which has metastasized all across the civilized world. Whether it's due to teenage angst, high school bullying, repressed rage at parents, a superiority complex covered in self-loathing, or any combination of the 4, one thing is clear. Its adherents are attention whores, sycophants, stupid arrogant twats, bigots, assholes, and demagogues. In place of God they worship Richard Dawkins and what/whoever makes them feel smart. They have all the arrogance, dogma, and fanaticism that they accuse Muslims, Christians, Hindoos or Jews of having. They justify their attitudes by claiming to be backed by science, and in their arrogance many atheists believe that bullshit. Rejecting this paradigm makes you 'anti-science', AKA heretical. These heretics are supposedly the reason why humans can still hurt each other, and atheists hypocritically think removing or at least abandoning theism = world peace. Despite claiming not to be a religion, atheism is a grotesque parody of it. And worshippers of this religion don't follow it due to a genuine religious experience or to have a more fulfilling life, unlike Muslim or Christian converts for example.
In the beginning there was darkness, and then Richard Dawkins said "let there be atheism", and, to the misfortune of people who aren't completely arrogant cunts, that shit was created. Although it started out as a practical joke, it quickly grew out of control similar to an American's cholesterol level. In 1783, the website known as "Reddit" was created by Xenu and quickly became a popular place of worship by atheists and terrorists alike. This website contributed to the plague known as "free thinking" and as of the year 2013, over 0.3% of the world's population are known as atheists. Atheists can commonly be found fapping to a diagram of a mammal evolving or licking their own cum off their computer screen while the Wikipedia page on The Big Bang is loaded, because they're stupid enough to think that stuff disproves religion. While people are at church on Sunday, atheists can usually be found devouring the flesh of unborn Christian babies, because that's just what atheists do.
Their autistically encyclopædic knowledge of dinosaurs is what makes them first doubt the Book of Genesis. Realizing that Genesis contains no mention of super cool dinosaurs, they reject all religions because Judaism is the world's only religion. If a religion doesn't teach the truth about how awesome dinosaurs are, it must be false, and also the cause of everything bad in the world. Because in the time of the dinosaurs, life on Earth was a paradise, where no animals believed in God, especially badass dinosaurs- until religion ruined fucking everything and brought violence and suffering and death into the world. Only religion can make good people do bad things, because all religions are sorely lacking in totally rad dinosaur factoids.
The mere fact that dinosaur bones exist is proof that there is no God, since the Jews failed to write about them. See, scientists have evidence that dinosaurs existed because they found fossils, but scientists have found no fossils of God. And if anyone knows what God looks like it's scientists. If you tell an atheist that there are probably hidden fossils that humans haven't found yet, they would agree with you, believing in the existence of something they've never seen. But believing in God is crazy, because I don't see God or God's bones anywhere, do you?
Loving dinosaurs is the main reason atheists take any interest in evolution (besides wondering why they're so ugly). And evolution disproves God because the Jews didn't write about it (besides the whole mankind coming from dirt thing), and everyone knows that Jews would never lie about anything, evar. Their love of dinosaurs is also the only reason atheists argue with creationists, who don't love dinosaurs as much as they do. Any idiot who thinks the Earth is 6,000 years old skipped over the best part of life on Earth: totally cool dinosaurs.
Fun fact: Atheists' dinosaur fascination explains the emergence of Raptor Jesus, pictures of Jesus riding a dinosaur, or writing about dinosaurs on Noah's Ark. All atheists wish every religion featured more super awesome dinosaurs. That's all they've ever wanted. Is that too much to ask?
Recent studies reveal that atheists tend to be privileged, college educated with serious superiority complexes who are always willing to engage in pointless debates to further inflate their colossal egos. In an interesting contradiction, their liberal bias towards Islam conflicts with their hatred of all things religious.
Atheists are afflicted by an aggressive strain of unwarranted self-importance, which causes them to vastly overestimate their intelligence compared to their more temperate peers. They must convince themselves they’re omniscient geniuses, lest they break under the revelation they’re not always right and have been making faith-based assertions.
Atheists have a mental commitment to let everyone know how much people shove religion down their throats. They are, of course, oblivious to the fact that if they can call themselves atheists, no religion has been forced upon them so far, thus they fail to realize that by following atheism in such a militant fashion, they are shoving their beliefs down everyone's throats far more than they accuse others of doing.
In fact, atheists are so fanatical that they go around foaming at the mouth for "rational" debates. Upon watching an atheist in an argument, it becomes clear that their points consist entirely of condescension, lofty moralizing, over-generalizations, and "clever" quips about their opponents' intelligence—in other words, atheists think that poorly assembled sarcasm and ad hominem attacks amount to a valid argument. They will begin by stating they only want food for thought to "improve their position"; five minutes later, they'll state that talking to their opponent is like arguing with a brick wall. The irony of this statement is consistently lost on the atheist.
They believe that some philosopher (e.g., Friedrich Nietzsche, Richard Dawkins, or Karl Popper) has proven atheism. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God. The atheist argument runs thus:
- God does not exist, and this is obvious, ergo
- Anyone who believes in God is stupid, ergo
- Any arguments that God exists are invalid, ergo
- God does not exist MUDDAFUGGA
It is a known fact that every atheist on YouTube is subscribed to at least 100 atheist YouTube speakers such as TheAmazingAtheist and flood all of their videos, the "Other Channels" section of their profile, and channel comments with advertisements about said speakers.
Atheists freaking out IRL.
The Church of Atheism
See also: Reddit
With the creation of atheism in 1783, the Godless parasites, lead by the virgin Richard Dawkins, created a cult known as "atheism". Much like the Catholic Church, it is organized into different sections. The Fapacy, the holy atheist Richard Dawkins, is the president of the church. He exhibits omnipotent powers, and can banish evidence that supports intelligent design from existence. His Bishops, the moderators of Reddit and Encyclopedia Dramatica, control the minds of the public. Members of the church, also known as internet users, will torture you if they discover you have tarnished the shrine of Richard Dawkins in your home. Torture is mostly gay sex, because, let's face it, all atheists are atheists because they are secretly gay. Other members of the church, "scientists", also known as wizards, spend all their time creating potions to cure ailments such as free thought, even though it's evident that all problems in the world are caused by Thetans and witches. When intellectually challenged, atheists will begin masturbating violently and will eventually kill themselves. Atheism is a religion. Why the fuck do you think all their arguments are "I don't believe god exists?"
Tips for Arguing if You're an Atheist
Does the thought of shitposting your opinion on matters that nobody cares about excite you? Do you have a superiority complex that just needs fulfilling? Are you an autistic buffoon who thinks that questionable logic used by autistic teenagers is "common sense"? Do you feel compelled to vomit any time you're in a church? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you just might be ready to begin your journey down the enlightment that is Atheism! Now, we know that suddenly becoming open minded by militantly copy/pasting whatever crackpot bullshit you read on fellow euphoric blogs is an exciting experience that you just can NOT wait to test drive, but we at ED offer you a few pieces of advice to fit right in with your new unwashed brethren.
- Use as many double standards as you can muster. It's a little known fact, because atheism is still unfortunately a minority, that atheists are more intellectual than their religious counterparts. That's why anything a Christfag says is worth less than your statement, because atheists are too morally, intellectually, and scientifically superior to be compared to other people (ewww).
- Use the words "scientific", "ignorant", "rational", and any of the like as often as possible. Christfags need to remember that what they believe is wrong. They believe in stories translated from grunts of their caveman days. That is why you, as the savior to logic and reason, must constantly spam the same buzzwords over and over again until they lose all meaning until the point where nobody can read the bible because the English language will be destroyed! It doesn't matter if these words are used incorrectly, such as applying the word "scientific" to fallicious reasoning that you make (which is preposterous, as atheists do not post fallicious logic, but this is hypothetical), so long as you doctrine what is faulty logic that is "scientific" from faulty logic that is not "scientific" (AKA anything you don't agree with).
- Understand your opponent Why do we clarify Christfags? Simple process of deduction, really. Jews are too busy to waste time arguing on the interwebs, and Muslims are too angry at our Western Lifestyle to bomb our chatrooms (when they could be bombing us irl). Eastern religions will not be represented because anyone claiming to be from the east is either a weeaboo or an atheistic religion, which doesn't count, because that's not a religion, it's a philosophy (even though they believe in spiritual matters, it's still philosophy. Remember, keeping your stride is more important than being truthful).
- Any time a religious person does something evil it's in the name of religion. This is true about all conflict in the world, such as WTC. Atheism, however, does not do this, and anyone who does anything bad remotely to the cause of the eradication of religion is doing it because they're a bad person. Stalin is a good example of this. He didn't persecute religious people because they had a religion, he just wanted to make a lack of religion in his country. He can't do this for atheism, because "atheism is just a lack of religion".
- There's strength in numbers, so stick with as many atheists as you can and gang up on any Christfag you see. Even though you make up a minority of the world's population, let a Circlejerk be known where ever you stand with your brothers in autism far above them, because everyone knows that whoever agrees the most with the same people on his side of the debate is the one that is correct.
- Christfags do not read the Bible, so take as many verse from it out of context as you can and shove it in their faces. Because many Christfags fail to read the Bible, this will confuse the crap out of them.
- Point out contradictions in the Bible that aren't there. Because somebody took the time in MS Paint to put two Bible verses side by side, some of them are bound to be legitimate, unexplainable contradictions. 100% effective strategy because of above.
- Use as much testimonial as possible. Everyone knows that if someone smart says it, it must be true. Did that one famous scientist from 50 years ago question the concept of God during a depressing period in his life? Christianity: Dis-proven. Everyone knows that the more quotes you take from image macros and spam, the more intelligent you'll appear. In addition, many younger people join atheism to rebel against their brainwashing parents, so use as much "new age" copypasta as you can!
- Speak first, cite later. The Christfag will without a doubt not read your sources, so you don't have to worry about the credibility of anything you post on the internet, especially not whenever they promote the noble cause of atheism! Why would they? It's not like atheists are capable of lying.
Tips for arguing with atheists
Despite what they may imply, atheists are
almost as stupid as creationists. They have almost no knowledge of physics or cosmology outside of wikipedia. Many of them have a low enough intelligence to take the above section of this article as a serious how-to guide. After about 3 replies they will begin to deny causality and basic laws of physics. There's no hope in actually talking any sense into them as they are unimaginably arrogant. One thing that is hilariously true is that they're deluded enough to think that using the atheist sub-reddit as their only source of information means that no evidence for God exists. There actually exists numerous arguments for god's existence:
- The Kalam Cosmological Argument. Guaranteed to result in either the denial of causality, or a simple "How do you know it was God?" Atheists will go out on a limb to assert that because they don't know which god they should believe in, they deny the existence of all gods.
- The Fine-tuning of the universe. Guaranteed to result in some tripe about the multi-verse, even though ironically enough there exists no evidence to support the multiverse. Alternatively, they will miss the point entirely by referring to the Anthropic Principle (which is a deflection tactic that tries to refer only to humans and not the universe itself) From here then go on to tell them that the Borde-Guth-Vilenkin Theorem denies the existence of a multi-verse.
- It should be noted that when presented with the above two arguments, they will, at any time they don't have a good comeback, completely dismiss them by their field alone, rather than combat them. They do this because they've reached the conclusion that "because philosophy has no scientific evidence, all philosophy is void as evidence". Yes, they will justify their dismissal with moar philosophy.
- Baryon Asymmetry. They will immediately tell you this isn't evidence despite the fact that there is no cosmological model that fixes this problem without God.
- Violations to the Copernican Principle. Explain to them that because of the Ecliptic alignment of cosmic microwave background anisotropy,it basically means that the Earth is at the center of the universe.
When backed into a corner, or out of decent, original arguments, the atheist will play one of several trump cards and snark at you as they hope to cause the theist to roll on the ground crying in frustration. Sure enough, these arguments are tested in the comfort of strawman and I am silly! comics/rants, and thus cannot possibly backfire in any manner! What they don't realize is that several of their common offenses are common, therefore plenty of counter-arguments have been created:
- "Everyone is an atheist; I just happen to believe in one less god than you do." A common atheist argument that asserts that since Christians believe in only one god, but none of the other countless gods worshiped over time such as Zeus or Thor, everyone is an atheist. This argument is easily dismantled by pointing out that atheism, by definition, is the universal rejection of ALL gods, not just some. Since Christians believe in a god, they cannot be atheists, making this argument invalid.
- If the above fails...
- "You are either a theist or an atheist, no exception." This is nothing more than a cheap attempt to gain the middle ground and agnostics because atheists are subliminally aware that they're full of shit when they state that a deity doesn't exist. Surprisingly, the only sources outside of their ass that coincide with what they shit out are other retard atheist blogs with as much credibility as the inherited pseudo intellectual, with just as much logic (none). The atheist, in full ADHD due to a steady diet of Mountain Dew and Cheetos, assumes that everyone instantaneously forms a dedicated opinion about something as soon as it's introduced to them based entirely on personal preference. Needless to say, this approach is dangerously unscientific.
- The worst of them will try to defend their bullshit claims with "You can't prove a negative" when asked for sauce in their rants that say that God can not exist. "You can't prove a negative" is ironically unprovable by its own grammar, and thus should be dismissed on its own right by the atheist's favorite razor, Hitchens' (Their second favorite being the razor they use to cut themselves with while listening to Evanescence and crying that, despite their superior intellect, they cannot understand how to get laid).
- "Atheism is just a denial of theism, we don't have to prove anything." This does not excuse your average atheist from spewing copy/paste "religion is a lie" rants (ironically, stating religion is a lie is a claim, and thus needs evidence).
- "Occam's Razor supports atheism." In order for the universe without a deity to be provable, the universe must be proven to have infinite regression (which must fall to inductive reasoning, ergo, without evidence) or else be created with the help of the multiverse, which, unless the multiverse has a creation point, infinitely regresses as well in a never ending cycle of universe creation to be absolutely sure that a deity could not have created the multiverse (since Christfags love to push the boundaries of where their God resides). If the latter is the case, then what must be proven is a sort of multiverse within a multiverse and ad nauseam, or else some other factor outside of our comprehension creating something similar to a time loop (note, relying on the existence of this possible force outside of our comprehension to dismiss this flaw is a cop-out and, ironically, must be proven to exist). This is about as "simple" of a solution as tying a cat to a treadmill belt and leaving the machine active for a week to test whether or not the treadmill is safe for running.
- "Atheism is the default religious stance; theists are the only ones who must prove their bullshit." To fully understand this argument, two clauses must be established:
- "Atheism and agnosticism are the same concepts" (which is only "proven" by other atheists). This statement alone fails because rejection isn't the same process as ambiguity. For example, if you see a fine piece of ass on a woman but her face reminds you of Arguecat, it might take you a moment or two to decide if it's really worth ramming your cock into. On the other hand, if Arguecat's ass was in front of you, a "Hell no" is appropriate (unless you're a sick fuck). The former is different than the later because the thought of tapping that ass is considered and has a very real possibility of being acted upon, rather than simply walking away and deciding to not act upon the anus. In neutral agnosticism, both sides have equal consideration, and thus the claims of either aren't explicitly rejected or accepted.
- "What created God?" This is perhaps the most over-used trump in the atheist arsenal. However, because the atheist community is composed of self-righteous preteens with the memory of a hamster with ADHD, too many sources exist to address this. This cliche is presented by atheists who don't fully understand what the concept of God is. They will, without a doubt, create a fallacy of composition. They do not recognize that theists believe God to be the initial clause of the universe.
- "Studies show that Atheists are smarter." Because religion is found commonly in poor countries, niggers hinder the intelligence average of the religious population. Interestingly enough, there hasn't been an official, reliable study of intelligence vs. religiousness that's included the web atheist population (the world is long overdue for one, yet we can only wait until Reddit Island for a reliable study). Nevertheless, with all of the rednecks, WBC, niggers, and creationists, and other outliers that Christfags are associated with, the whole 3 point difference in average is very petty. One factor the atheist fails to consider, most of all, is the distribution of money with the two areas. Ergo, poorer people and countries are more likely to believe in a deity out of desperation or appreciation for tradition to stay alive, while at the same time being less educated because they don't have the money for ITT Tech. Wealthier peoples, however, can afford ITT Tech, and are less reliant on tradition because they have enough money to survive and do other things than pray to the sun for crops to be bountiful this harvest. The obvious deviant from this norm is the Jew, who may be religious while still hoarding vast amounts of wealth because he or she is a greedy fuck.
- "Religion doesn't approve of sex." The atheist in this case would like the world to be looser on sexual morality and social standards because he can't get laid. In any case, this is factually incorrect. While most religions have restrictions on sexuality, only a handful of fringe groups reject it entirely.
- "Magic sky fairies." Deists and pantheists (and really everyone with intelligence and maturity beyond elementary school) are unaffected by this juvenile appeal to ridicule.
- "You're basing your ideas off of a 2000 year old book? Have fun living in the dark ages, dumbass." A textbook example of the Genetic Fallacy. Politely inform them that dismissing anything because of its age is to scientific reasoning what worship of "new" pop singles by Lil' Wayne and Nicki Minaj is to music appreciation. They will try to claim that it isn't, based on claims of "evidence" existing (this evidence will end up being the first couple results pulled from a quick google search, presented without much thought).
- "Can you prove God exists?" Use one of the above points. When confronted with this, they will undoubtedly ask a form of "how can you be sure it was God?" or try to refute the massive problems with the universe's structure that the otherwise to the above creates. Inform them of all of the "biblical prophecies" that came true (bonus points for citing actual cases). They will, at this point, dismiss your entire case on no real solid reasoning, followed by a few ad hominem attacks.
- "Quantum fluctuations create something from nothing so the universe was made like that too" Some specimens with a modicum of acquaintance with physics might use this argument to avoid denying causality and/or logic when faced with "ex nihilo nihil fit" argument. This immediately falls flat on it's face because the particles created from quantum vacuum are not being made from nothing but are borrowing energy from underlying particle/quantum fields - ie. from "something".
- "Prayer works proportional to the country they live in. If not, then why are there more sick people in Africa than in America?" Atheists who say this are probably idiots with a sense of patriotism. Do you know that the U.S. has a higher rate of heart disease and cancer than places in Africa, not to mention the world!!!??? They don't know it because they are too fat to reach for the mouse and search.
This is the ultimate atheist tool. It's also one of the weakest arguments for a religious stance once dissected. The argument claims that extraordinary claims must have extraordinary evidence to justify it. This argument is the justification that "atheists do not have to prove anything." It's not uncommon for the atheist to try to empty themselves of the burden of proof. Once you understand it, you'll realize that over half of the atheist Facebook/Reddit macros will stem from this argument, whether they realize it or not ("You can't prove God exists"). The argument was made famous by atheist Christopher Hitchens, who stole it from some people over 100 years ago because he ran out of insults to call Christfags.
Several holes in the principle are presented once it's brought into the field, however.
- Employing this denies all forms of faith. The atheist wants this in order to appear smarter, but lulz can, and often do ensure whenever the Razor is used to deny the material world exists, not unlike a dream perceived by you.
- Cop-out alert! The atheist can, if "abuse" (read as application) of the razor is presented to several claims that don't explicitly require evidence but are accepted nevertheless, the atheist may define the razor as "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence to prove" or some variation. Yes, many atheists really are that blind to their hypocrisy.
- The Razor can't be used to disprove anything, nor advance a claim for a stance other than agnosticism. The atheist will still leave its burden of proof that God doesn't exist unfulfilled.
- Only when the claim that God exists is presented can the razor be used since the razor is a tool of retaliation. The irony is that whenever the atheist comes into the picture and makes his usual fundimentalist thread-initiating post, it can be used to dismiss any claims the atheist makes (the atheist can't support his claim that [insert religion here] is false because he or she does not have any confirmation in his arguments regarding the stance of a deity, only cherry-picking). In fact, one could say it's a double-edged blade.
Arguing with an Atheist
Even on this video, you will see Atheists circle
Dependence on seeing this original argument correlates strongly with how retarded the atheist arguing is. Unfortunately, since most atheists are mentally defunct britfag teenagers with internet access and an opinion that will SHAEK TEH WoRLD!!!, this occurs frequently. The argument's logic follows as such:
- You cannot prove God exists.
- You cannot prove that a teapot that orbits the sun in space exists (drones will substitute the teapot in space with something such as unicorns or dildo monsters).
- A teapot in space does not exist.
- Therefore, God does not exist. LOLPWNED!
However, this argument is complete bullshit.
Once the creative entity is removed from the equation, the whole point of the argument is a copy/paste from Hitchens' Razor. Bonus challenge: disprove that the mythical comparisons made by said teenager. (Hint: God is not bound to the universe. Santa Claus is) Eventually, they will alter the meaning of the entity in question until it no longer resembles the original folklore, ruining the strength of the argument as they try to cop-out, with rambling along the lines of "PROVE TAT AN UNPROVIBL THING DOSNT EXST AN FELE MY PAAAIIN THAT U ASK ME 2 DO!!!".
As much as everyone enjoys an atheist's company, you will feel nothing but utter love being with what can only be described as ex-Christian-Atheists. Essentially, these are just faggots who displace their rage at their church-going parents onto God. This is really not surprising. After all, how can an atheist believe in a loving God when they hate themselves? What they persistently fail to realize is that hating God means you believe in him, meaning you are, in fact, not an atheist at all, but instead a whiny faggot.
More likely than not, these are the people you will see in everywhere who cry and scream on the Internet with either THE FUCKING FURY or Exclamation points, so you have to have the pleasure of reading it all over again.
An example of such stupidity:
- God is a myth made up by sheep trying to control more sheep.
- It doesn't matter that I'm 13. I'm still smarter than you.
- I haven't told my parents yet, because I'm still 27 and don't want to move out for being a genius.
What causes atheism?
The leading cause of atheism is nobody loves you. Your mom doesn't count.
Maybe you're ugly, maybe you're fat, maybe you're short, maybe you're a virgin, maybe you have embarrassing body hair, maybe you're a homo, maybe you're a ginger, maybe you have a small penis, maybe you have a ponytail, maybe you're a Jew, maybe you wear glasses, maybe you suck at sports, maybe you look like a total dork, maybe you live in your mom's basement, maybe you have a whiny voice, maybe you're a gamer who plays World of Warcraft or Dota 2 or EVE Online, maybe you listen to black metal, maybe you have a serious disease and are confined to a wheelchair, maybe you were molested as a child and how could God let that happen?, maybe nobody wanted to molest you as a child because you were too ugly, maybe you were born with a serious physical deformity, maybe you watch animu, maybe you played Magic or Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh! or D&D, maybe you're a psychopath incapable of human emotion, maybe everyone laughs at you, maybe you collect comic books or boardgames or webcomics or piss bottles, maybe you're a socially retarded freak, maybe you're a burn victim, maybe you're a dyke, etc. Maybe you're one or more of the above. Each additional trait increases your chances of being bullied/being an atheist, which is inversely proportional to your chances of getting laid by the opposite sex.
Since everybody hates you and nobody will touch you because they all think you're revolting and your life is miserable and you have a giant chip on your shoulder, the only possible conclusion is that there is no God. Because if there was a God, He'd give you everything you ever wanted because you think you're a pretty cool guy and your mom said so too, yet you're also a megalomaniac who fantasizes about how you'd get your revenge on the world if you were God, which videogames, fictional works, and school shootings allow you to act out.
Most beautiful people believe in God, especially beautiful women. Men in general are less likely to believe in God, because most men are ugly as fuck anyway. Beautiful people have been blessed with good looks and their life is better than most. For them life is an easy effortless fun time, with little struggle, relatively speaking. Although the death of a loved one may cause them to doubt their faith, since that person is no longer around to love them, because again, atheism is caused by lack of love.
This is also why atheists tend to believe love is a mental illness, like religion, which is basically love of God. Atheists often feel love and religion are the very same mental disorder (while believers often say God is Love). Since nobody loves them, everyone around them must be crazy. Since their life is miserable, there must be no God, but since they think very highly of themselves and see no reason why everybody hates them, they must be right and everybody else (who doesn't love them) must be wrong. And even if by some slim chance someone does love them one day, it won't make up for all the time nobody loved them, the hurt and pain won't simply be forgotten. Emotional pain leads to atheism. Cries of "Why God why?" transform into "Do something!" transform into "in this moment I am euphoric..." They turn their bitterness and nobody loving them for so long into personal exceptionalism. Atheists might bring up science or lack of evidence, and yet gloss over the lack of evidence that anybody ever really loved them.
Why do so many ugly people believe in God? Because they don't blame God for all the bad things that happen in their life. They blame the Devil.
Since atheists believe God does not exist, they don't care about morality, usually stating that they prefer rationality over your primitive 'moral' ideas. This makes them amazingly easy to troll. Just ask them, "So are you saying that rationality is OBJECTIVELY BETTER than irrational morality?", then kick back and watch as the self-loathing God-hater ties himself up in knots trying to justify rationalism without morality.
Atheists are convinced that religion is the cause of all conflict and directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred, when in reality it is just a source of major lulz for their more temperate kin. Atheists fail to realize that with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who will fervently believe anything they read.
Failing to justify man-made morals, they resort to a comparative exercise. The main crux of their argument rests on body counts, but a short sample of atheist leadership data reveals a different picture:
- Mao-Tse-Tung, Atheist: 78 million plus dead
- Joseph Stalin, Atheist: 20 million plus dead
- Adolf Hitler, Atheist: 15 million dead
- Vladimir Lenin, Atheist: 5.5 million dead
- Kim-Il-Sung, Atheist: 5 million dead
- Pol Pot, Atheist: 2 million dead
- Fidel Castro, Atheist: 1 million dead
PROTIP: When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century, and caused more death in a much shorter time span than almost any other catastrophe that has happened in the civilized world, and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking.
The atheist, of course, will respond that "BUT DUDE STALIN DIDN'T KILL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM HE KILLED THEM IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM!!!!11", as though Communism's status as an atheistic philosophy had nothing to do with persecuting theists. It's sort of like saying "THE KKK DIDN'T LYNCH PEOPLE FOR BEING BLACK THEY LYNCHED THEM FOR NOT BEING WHITE!!!" Then ask them how many people did die in the Crusades (1-3 million, which seems hilarious against the numbers listed above). In response to this question they will attempt to shove "The God Delusion" book up their own urethra.
—Maximilian Robespierre, 1794 - How atheism would eliminate violence & achieve world peace.
Much like a teenager takes up smoking or a standup comedian takes up heroin because they think it makes them look cool, an atheist dives into depravity because they think it makes them look edgy. This atheist drive to seem cool typically stems from being picked on which is why they don't believe in God in the first place. By living in sin, an atheist feels they are getting revenge on the deluded sheep around them, and they can pride themselves that they are a freethinker unburdened by superstitious notions of evil or sin, and that their brain has reached an advanced state of atheism just like a cockroach, until of course entropy sets in. Atheism reaffirms their sociopathy and misanthropy which was driven into them by bullies because they are probably ugly. Of course, many atheists will claim to be humanists, which is the same as thinking that God created man to rule the world and all of its creatures, like it says in the Book of Genesis. That's why Jews can switch to atheism and "secular humanism" so quickly (besides the fact that they worship money, and nailed Jesus to a cross).
The God Delusion: Richard Dawkins and hypocrisy
In 2006 our lord and savior Richard Dawkins released a book that is probably the atheistic form of the Bible. Because it is completely filled with unwarranted self importance, arrogance and unsupported claims it is difficult to truly understand it's meaning. Most scientists agree that Richard Dawkins is a shape shifting reptile from a parallel universe and his books were a result of randomly copying and pasting excerpts from the Wikipedia page on atheism.
In his book, he uses something he's deluded enough to think is evidence and thinks that using big words will immediately make any Christian convert to atheism in fear of being called stupid. Some of these "arguments" includes:
- Albert Jewstein wasn't a Christian. Ergo God doesn't exist.
- I once heard a noise that could be misinterpreted as a ghost. Ergo God does not exist.
- I copy and pasted "proof" that God doesn't exist from Wikipedia. Ergo God does not exist.
- My friend rejected Judaism. Ergo God does not exist.
- Evolution. Ergo God does not exist.
- It is theoretically possible for an atheist to not kill other people and become an hero. Ergo God does not exist.
- Although I don't understand many aspects of theology, I don't like it. Ergo God does not exist.
- I don't want the fine tuning of the universe to be evidence of the existence of god. Ergo God does not exist.
- If God existed he would fucking tell me personally. Ergo God does not exist.
The rest of the book is Dawking ranting that atheism is evidence of a healthy, questioning mind. However, almost all atheists will use arguments in this book. This enforces Dawking's hypocrisy of criticizing theists for having faith. Although he wouldn't be caught dead having faith, he has no problems making assumptions as long as he mentions the word "science".
It should be mentioned that amongst professionals in religious AND atheist philosophy circles, this book mocked in the rare moments which it’s actually mentioned. It’s not even funny. You would think that the atheists are at least sympathetic but no, they think it’s just as shitty as anyone else thinks of it. Then again, what did anyone expect? A biologist writes a book on a subject he has no training or expertise in, let alone philosophy, history or all the other subjects he speaks of. Were we to expect a gem?
When invited to engage in intellectual arguments with people who weren't arrogant cunts, Dawkins admitted that God probably does exist. He is fucking stupid.
Even Catholic priests get more than the typical atheist. This results in the atheist having to take an alternate sociological path to survive, as no normal woman wants to find themselves naked in the same room as a neckbearded Yeti who thinks it knows everything.
Not that the 'forced abstinence' of atheists should come as any surprise. Hell, their whole philosophy comes down to 'BUT IF THERE WAS A GOD THEN I'D GET LAID SOMETIMES!!11'
The sad truth is that the population of atheists (ignoring the expanded meanings to include agnostics) is unfortunately on the rise just like most other demographics of the world's population. Given that the males of this population are forever alone losers who get less than Brian Peppers, the question of how these people reproduce quickly is brought into question. Enter the atheist female.
Given that atheists have no morals, there is nothing stopping the cum dumpster from taking in five cocks at once. Atheist women are either hardcore sluts or batshit insane bbw feminists. Either path guarantees at least a dozen cocks inside of the woman, the former from any cocaine-powered nigger and the latter from ugly beta losers who cry shortly afterwards. Atheist feminist pride is no different than girl gamer pride; both ideals are held by women who need to use their mouths for better uses such as blowjobs. The children, in turn, turn into anti-theists due to the parents' nature consisting of whiny delusion and liberal finger-pointing (if there was a God, he would pay for my 10000 Yu Gi Oh cards!) If you ever encounter this type of roving animal, avoid engagement. If you try to point out the slutty nature of the demographic, you will be met with "but athiest girlz are able to not be complete sluts, therefore we aren't sluts!" This is the equivalent to stating that "because black people may exist without being racist, all niggers aren't racist!" The Zimmerman riots proved that niggers are racist. At this point, the bbw will either try to justify that because she can't get any action (due to either being excessively ugly or having specific standards of what a slut is, such as "Sluts take 25 cocks a week. I only take 23, therefore I'm not a slut") that what you say is an "obvious lie", or rant about sexual limitations of religion. At this point, any methods for handling this speci(wo)men follow any standard procedures for dealing with feminism.
Why do people hate atheists?
The honest answer to this question depends on who you ask. Atheists will answer you by adopting a victim complex, that they are just making everyone uncomfortable with their beliefs and are soon on the verge of converting the masses, and that the religious people can not simply accept their scientific and truthful ways.
In reality, atheists are the scum of the Earth for multiple reasons, such as upholding a constant lack of personal hygiene, constantly proclaiming that they are smarter than most of the world (when in reality, save for a few outliers most atheists are autistic retards). The biggest reason that atheists are hated? Atheists are the equivalent to niggers, faggots and crackass pinkys pales in the civilized world:
- They constantly whine about how every other group is oppressing them
- They whine about "their people" being subjected to torture/slavery decades (or in the atheists' case, centuries) ago despite the fact that the harshest thing that's ever happened to them is to get off the couch to get more hand lotion
- They point out how whiny Christians who cry "persecution" because they can't teach creationism in public schools don't know what persecution is - but think they're persecuted because "in God we trust" is on their money, or that they saw a cross-shaped tombstone in a public cemetery. Hypocrites.
- They have few morals (atheists will argue against this, but the same study linked proves that most atheists only care about liberty-related morals)
- Liberals love to glorify and victimize them.
- They adopt an aggressive hive mind whenever one of their fellow drones is attacked
- Monkey howling in the face of "the man"? Instant hero. "The man" suggests that you're acting retarded? UN-GOD DAMN IT WHY DO YOU RETARDED ASSHATS KEEP OPPRESSING ME I HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND YOU CANT TAKE THAT AWAY THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT TYRANTS LIKE U!
- They constantly whine about modern oppression, while ironically spouting more bigotry than they claim to receive.
The next wave of the Atheist Agenda
Ever since its rise by bitter male teenagers and wallowing on internet forums into the early 2000s, the Atheist agenda will not ever end. To help combat the rise of human stupidity born out of getting high off of the conquests of man and hubris like jenkem, we encourage all who have information on anything new in the Atheist community that dares to spread its infestive fuckery like a newborn plague of dipshit unwarranted self importance to share here for great lulz. The witch hunts of Europe were unwarranted, and Christianity may have a lot of IOUs to the Karmic Buttfuck of Divine Retribution Department, but Atheism has already instigated enough lulz, evils, and bloodshed to warrant its own inquisitions and headhunts.
Similar to atheism
An anti-theist is an emotionally-unstable person who will go into screaming rage about the evils of any religion because the other choir boys didn't try to rape him, thus leaving him with an acute inferiority complex. An atheist is more or less the same thing, but instead of 'I didn't get to fuck the hottest girl in school!' it's 'why didn't God stop me from getting my head slammed in a locker!?' Of the different breeds of atheist, this type is by far the most painful to be around. Richard Dawkins and most of atheism's other "pastors," fall into this category.
Nihilism is the philosophical doctrine suggesting that values do not exist but rather are falsely invented. Frequently cited by deep thinkers and faux-Nietzschean assmunches who never moved out of their parent's basement. As well as being stupid, this is extremely sociologically dangerous. Atheists tread narrow paths bordering on this mindset, and like much of what we have provided it's the main reason why you'd avoid this shit if you know what's good for you.
Unfortunately for these quasi-atheists, pro-theist atheists (better known as weak atheists, but that seems a bit redundant) are also the target of atheists - because anyone who supports religion in any way i.e. "believing in belief", going to a church funeral or wedding, or donating to a religious charity will be savagely ripped apart by their fellow atheists for being a Christ enabler and denounced as traitors.
On the surface, a SJW is just your typical raging Tumbltard feminist. On closer inspection, we see a creature that lives and acts in the exact same manner as atheists, effectively swapping its "religion" for screaming about rape culture and patriarchy. There's a significant overlap between these two groups because of Atheism+, and it shows!
Because both beliefs are founded on evidence-less bullshit, shit-flinging any opposition is the creatures' primary defense mechanism ("Stupid sheeple irrational moron!", "Stupid oppressive misogynistic cis scum!"). This creates an opening for the creature to insert its own generalizations of the other party if namecalling fails them ("Fuck you, religious people like you oppress people every day! Just look at Islam!"/"Fuck you, men oppress people every day! Just look at GamerGate"). When their bullshit accusations are used in turnabout, they'll resort to one of three things, they'll either (1) make their accusations more extreme ("Religion is responsible for all of the wars ever fought!"/"Men are responsible for all of the wars ever fought!"), (2) try to redefine or brush their "weaker members" under the rug to save face, completely oblivious to the irony ("So what if some atheists are bad? Atheism is just the lack of theism, so there's a lot of people in that group! Are you saying all atheists are bad because of a minority?"/"So what if some feminists are bad? Feminism is just the belief in gender equality, so there's a lot of secret feminists out there! Are you saying all feminists are bad because of a minority!"), or (3) challenge you to debate every single point on some bullshit list of "proofs" that they found off of google/tumblr, without verifying its authenticity (also known as Gish Gallop).
Because of the overlap, the two groups behave in almost the exact same ways. The difference is that SJWs are smart enough to gang up on and harass people irl, while Atheists nowadays just stick to their own little flame wars for e-points.
Agnostics are known for 'not knowing' and are generally regarded as pussies by both Christians and atheists for not making up their minds. They are the few people on the planet honest enough to admit that they don't know shit.
Another word for agnosticism. A deist is someone who believes a God did create the universe but got too bored and promptly fucked off. Technically they are monotheists just like Christians and Muslims but live like atheists since the god they believe in doesn't give a shit about what they get up to.
Most famous historical atheists call themselves deists, as calling themselves "atheists" would have resulted burning at the stake followed by reservation seating in hell.
Apatheists are atheists, agnostics, deists, whateverists who simply don't care about religion, god, or anything related to the two. They don't make a scene and don't start arguments, unlike your token atheist. In other words, how it should be. This breed is unfortunately scarce to the point of many believing them to be a myth altogether.
Aka. "somethingism". These people may believe in God, gods, universal life force, Heaven, Hell, Xenu, Souls or something else entirely. Whilst agnostics are generally indecisive fence-sitters, ietsists are confused as while they believe in something, no one (not least themselves) actually know what it is.
Atheism vs. Irony
- Atheists will vehemently profess how evil and fanatical Christians are, all while completely oblivious to the fact that they themselves are fervent zealots waging their own brand of holy war in the process.
- Atheists will quote The God Delusion to avoid thinking of their own arguments, while mocking Christians for quoting the Bible in the same way.
- They claim to only accept claims that are justified through evidence, yet have no problem unquestioningly believing everything said by showman Sam Harris, reddit, or simple image macros
- Constantly quote Nietzsche's "God Is Dead". Never mind that he was talking about slave morality rather than the actual entity.
- Atheists worry that the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance is subtly brainwashing people, yet spend the time and energy putting up billboards and other monuments to try to brainwash people into not believing in God
- Atheists will go into another soapbox speech when they are compared to dictators or other extremists.
- In their desperation to deny religion or belief of any sort, atheists will adopt skepticism so extreme that they'll refuse to state whether they're conscious or not.
- Often dwell on religion and religious texts more than theists.
- Contrary to the above, they claim to understand religion more than the religious, yet constantly take quotes from whatever text they're attacking out of context.
- They claim to be "free thinkers", but they often fall victim to more bullshit than they're proud to admit.
- Occasionally you'll find an agnostic-atheist who justifies his beliefs at "we'll never know". Despite not knowing shit, this breed of fuck will condemn you for taking a guess at the origins of the universe. No matter how much philosophical or scientific thinking you base to your conclusion, you'll always be "wrong" to them because they don't know shit (I don't know, so you don't know either).
- The Crusades were proof that religion is evil, yet Stalin and Hitler's purging of religion in their governed lands doesn't prove that atheism is evil.'
—A typical atheist position. Notice the extreme self-pity and lack of self-awareness.
Miscellaneous Facts About Atheists
- Most atheists are white, autistic teenagers with access to the internet.
- Atheism is to religion what Macs are to PCs: a trendy subculture for Vegans and unemployed weed-smoking losers.
- Niggers can't be atheists IRL due to class restrictions.
- If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also still did 9/11.
- They have the ability to grow neckbeards at an accelerated rate.
- Atheists get their limited knowledge of the Bible by only searching "Bible contradictions" on Google.
- When backed into a corner or otherwise called on their bullshit, Atheists will typically scoff at you and tell you to read a book.
- They believe in evolution, thus they believe themselves to be hyper-evolved niggers that crawled out of the ocean.
- The few women who actually call themselves Atheists are fat. Really, really fucking fat.
- Atheists are completely without morality and treat the rest of humanity like shit, while accusing theists of the same thing. When called out on this, they will invariably justify their self-serving behavior by crying about religious persecution.
- Atheists claim that atheism is the default religion from birth. This is masked as an attempt to invoke some form of false valor against the "oppression"
- Atheists are known to rage when they die on runescape or any online game, be sure to back away from your computer when this happens.
- All atheists hate themselves, just google famous atheists and what they said about other atheists.
- Atheists due to lack of a life are in most corners of the internet waiting to insult religion to vent their self-hatred.
- Atheists are so desperate to propagate their message that even spam the talk page of this very article.
- Atheists love to blank this article, which is essentially the online form of their only argument (I.E: [[SHUT UP UR DUMB).
- Atheists are much like homosexuals, while homosexuals will claim every attractive male actor in Hollywood is a closeted homosexual, atheists will claim that nearly all people of scientific or historical importance were secretly atheists, despite multiple published works and statements to the contrary.
- They frequently pay tribute to our monkey ancestors by shoving bananas up their ass.
The Atheist Impossibles
"Blind pupils. -- As long as a man knows very well the strength and weaknesses of his teaching, his art, his religion, its power is still slight. The pupil and apostle who, blinded by the authority of the master and by the piety he feels toward him, pays no attention to the weaknesses of a teaching, a religion, and soon usually has for that reason more power than the master. The influence of a man has never yet grown great without his blind pupils. To help a perception to achieve victory often means merely to unite it with stupidity so intimately that the weight of the latter also enforces the victory of the former."
-Nietzsche, an atheist impossible, himself a victim of atheist fanatics.
"Bring orn the nukes!"
-Brett Keane, proposing a rational solution to the Atheist Question.
- TheAmazingAtheist - The myth: he is the miraculous lovechild of Friedrich Nietzsche and Tyler Durden. The reality: he is the exact opposite.
- thunderf00t - The emperor with no clothes. The Son of the Atheist Trinity.
- Laci Green - The
innocenthedonist. Abandoned her cringey feminist principles to suck alt right cock, because that's where the money's at.
- MrRepzion - TheAmazingAtheist's formerly Christian buttbuddy, he solicits nudes from under-aged girls and tells his fan to kill themselves in his honor.
- That Guy T - A rare specimen of that mysterious species known as the nigger conservative.
- Sargon of Akkad - An "edgy" Jew who touts mainstream politics. Replaced Rush Limbaugh as the number one talk show host of the American people.
- Paul Joseph Watson - The eromenos of none other than Alex Jones himself. Currently spends time tearing leftoids a new one on twatter and jewtube.
- Computing Forever - Knows little about computers and even less about critical thought. Used to bash cultural marxism in entertainment, but now devotes most of his time exposing the Kung-Flu agenda.
- Milo Yiannopoblackcockintheasspolis - Literally not an actual atheist but it's fine since he hates the social justice Jews so much. Has defended pedophiles on more than one occasion. Loves molesting little boys and taking big black cock up the ass. Claims to be an ex-faggot.
- Shoe0nhead - A ditzy whore who slutted up the atheist food chain when she was a 16 year old girl. Abandoned her anti-SJW phase, and is now a leftoid.
- Armored Skeptic - Atheist asshole lite. Fucks Shoe0nhead when not making dull and mediocre YouTube videos.
- ZOMGitsCriss - Broke Romanian prostitute who sucked Laurence Krauss' dick to go to conferences.
- XPD - Ex pastor Dan at exchristian.net. Whiny cunt full or unwarranted self-importance. Also has a tiny cock. Is known to cry about his mommy issues.
- FactVsReligion - thunderf00t’s joint.
- xxxThePeachxxx - A mulatto skank who played crack addict Richard Coughlan for all he was worth.
- Pat Condell - A stealth jihadist. The Father of the Atheist Trinity.
- BionicDance - A two trick pony: 1) "RELIGION BAD! ATHEIST SMASH!" 2) "Yes, all babies are atheists!" But, you know, don't run on automatic...
- Zinnia Jones - Somehow, he is both an ugly tranny freak and a boring square loser. Considers shoving enormous objects into his ass a career.
- DarkMatter2525 - Not Gilray, but not Bill Maher either. A descendant of both nonetheless.
- GrapplingIgnorance - A wannabe preacher who lives in a hoodie.
- stefbot - A barbaric piece of natural filth holding sway under the holiest of names. Replaced the Amazing Atheist as the Holy Ghost of the Atheist Trinity.
- fringeelements - A Nazi twink who is one-sixteenth black, therefore making him a nigger. Like with dogs, the smaller the more nasty.
- intergralmath - Another sheep pretending to be a shepherd.
- Snakepliskinist - Reason's weasel.
- RockingMrE - "How dare you slander me and strawman my arguments with broad generalizations, you mangina, Cultural Marxist, Stalinist, feminazi, fascist, statist, white knight, man-hating, leftist, nihilist, beta, cuck, soy boy, pro-Spengler, virtue-signaling, passive aggressive prick!"
- Dusty Smith - A loud, stupid, and obnoxious hick. Truly the people's atheist.
- Tooltime9901 - Like Socrates, an ugly hippie.
- Bill Maher - A dated limp punchline. Still thinks being an atheist is edgy.
- TheThinkingAtheist - Sloganeer, sponsor, host, cartoonist, executive, propagandist. But thinker?
- ProfM(E)TH - Editor who thinks he is a scholar.
- Edward Current - A clown who knows he is a clown.
- TheLivingDinosaur - A thesaurus makes one a genius. A thesaurus of images gives one an Oscar.
- FakeSagan - TJ's shadow.
- Coughlan666 - A dirty, ugly, degenerate crack baby that became a heroin addict. The perfect face of liberalism, really.
- Richard Dawkins - "I am against philosophy because it teaches me not to be satisfied in my understanding of the world."
- Rebecca Watson - Denies God because she wanted to be raped by Him, but wasn't.
- Sam Harris - "Atheism is the product of secular knowledge and humanitarian ignorance."
- brettppalmer - A wannabe scholar who doesn't know what a lexicon is.
- Immendham - A cave-dwelling troll who has nothing better to do than argue about antinatalism in 500+ YouTube videos. One of the few atheists who genuinely likes women, confirming he is one of the few atheists who isn't a total faggot.
- NonStampCollector - Can't draw for shit.
- Crazypills2 - gets his knowledge of the Bible from Sunday School for Dummies.
- Matt Dillahunty - phony scholar and occasional girly man.
- John Loftus - demands his own wikipedia article.
- Brett_Keane - Low life scum that blames his own belief system for his problems. Properly the worst of all atheists, because he kept changing his beliefs and acted retarded when everyone came crashing down on him for his e-begging and trolling. And he believes he's the ultimate voice of Atheism, until he became a Christian again.
- Jenny McDermott - Crack whore, drunk, drama queen, this damaged abused woman inflames every other atheist with rage and butthurt whenever she makes a YouTube video. This even includes atheist feminists as she hates trannies and doesn't want them raping her in women's bathrooms.
- Miri Mogilevsky - A kike feminist who infects everyone around her with her kike feminist bullshit. She should go kill herself. Go to FreeThought Blogs for more details on her and her slacktivist comrades.
and Jen- A talking skull on a mission to take back the skull icon from atheist losers, one pedantic YouTube video at a time.
- NoelPlum - A squeamish passive-aggressive coward who pretends to be the rational man in the middle. He isn't.
- Agent of Doubt - Another big fat turd of a human being. Pretends to be an objective man in the middle but is really an opportunistic cunt.
- Kristi Winters - A smug hypocritical "academic" feminist, she wastes her time making "academic" videos on YouTube, expecting the mass of imbeciles who lurk there to understand her.
- Contrapoints - (Powerword: Natalie Wynn Parrott/William Nicholas Parrot) A cultural marxist and degenerate before and after he became a troid. Is famous for putting style over substance, and does a better job at *appearing* intelligent than many of his peers. With the help of MSM signal-boosting, he has corrupted millions of impressionable people, doing permanent and widespread damage to society. There’s at least some lulz to had- on multiple occasions, portions of his fanbase have tried to cancel this faggot for not being as psychotic and retarded as they are. Also alleged to have ‘de radicalized’ many right wingers, but it’s likely MSM astroturfing because no ‘right-winger’ who becomes a leftoid tranny after seeing some Contrapoints vids was ever right wing to begin with.
- SJW101, the political gamer - Because George Orwell was an armchair activist who played video games.
- Steve Shives - BLOCKED
- Destiny - A pedophile who pwns his fellow scum atheists by asking basic questions needed in critical thinking, easily shooting down their reactionary talking points. Has lukewarm liberal views, which ironically makes him the edgiest atheist on YouTube.
The Atheist Impossibles Part 2, Rise of the Furries
Somewhere down the line the
four three cult leaders of atheism; Dawkins, Harris, Dennett - Hitchens is burning in Hell right now - decided to convert animals to atheism and open a petting zoo. Thus they gave the animals a safe space to throw shit at each other, if not kill each other on the spot, while humanity laughs at them. Beware of these subhuman scum. They are wild, dangerous animals and should not approached closer than 500 yards. Unless you're here to troll them. Then kick away at the hornets nest!
- Teal Deer - Boring, pedantic, pseudo-intellectual faggot mule deer.
- Atheism Is Unstoppable - A wigger eastern grey kangaroo who Percival McLeach should have poached and skinned a long time ago. Notorious for getting his followers to dox his opponents for him.
- Black Pigeon Speaks - Shits all over the chessboard, then declares victory.
- Bearing - a big, brown, annoying grizzly bear who lives in Ausfalia for some reason. Notorious for doxing other people and then claiming his freedom of speech was violated.
- Happy Cabbie - The manbeast that ate himself to death.
- NapalmTheUsurper - Another obese screaming ogre, but is a leftist who lives in the Deep South. No wonder he has no friends.
- Turd-Flinging Monkey - A common chimpanzee whose sole purpose in life is to spam the Internet with his shitty "thoughts".
- Bewildered Ape - A common chimpanzee who lives to troll all the other animals. A somewhat educated primate, his doctoral dissertation on feminism and the sex industry can be examined here.
- Logical Llama - An alpaca SJW parody created to troll the "rational community". You know your "movement" is horseshit when even SJWs look better than you.
- Skeptical Squirrel - A ground squirrel that looks more like a chipmunk. Another SJW parody who makes the "skeptic community" look bad, which is easier than taking a shit after eating too many chilly dogs.
- Warcorpse666 - Otherwise known as an American bear.
- Maoist Rebel News - American bear who went communist and has a hard on for chinks. Is a noted expert on "Marxist revolutionary science" and Fallout video games.
- David Sherratt, aka Spinosauruskin - An autistic spinosaurus that should have gone extinct 65 million years ago.
- Grizzly MGTOW - Another antifeminist grizzly bear. Won't a conservative gun-toting lunatic please kill these animals already!
- Realistic Owl - A northern white-faced owl with the brains of a black pigeon.
- Kevin Logan - An Irish potato that could easily be mistaken for a hairy man beast. His only friend and sexual partner in life is an orange tabby cat with a goofy fake French accent.
- The Wooly Bumblebee - An early bumblebee dumb enough to associate herself with MRAs and other incels. Naturally, she got pwned and raped by said incels. Really hates it when people make fun of her autistic children.
- Foxy the Wary Fox - A boring red fox who makes long, boring YouTube videos.
- Thinking Ape - Enough with the fucking chimps already!
- Anubis2814 - An Egyptian furry god and atheist oldfag.
- Creationist Cat - A tricolored white house cat that mocks furry atheists.
Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC!
—Atheist responding to an agnostic
Fun fact: Notice that the aforementioned quotes don't fall under the definition of logic, but under phiLOLsophy, a branch of thought that is deemed non-scientific by other more intelligent atheists. Oh, the irony.
Videos: "Reason" & "Logic" are their BFF
Even though there is no genuine proof for or against God, atheists will fervently proclaim that God is an artificial construct even in the face of basic logic.
How to troll your average Atheist
- Refer the atheism as a religion and a belief. This will automatically enrage atheists. GOD PREVAILS!
- If religion is the source of all evil, then why was it a religious person who invented the scientific method? (Bonus points if you reveal, after their surprise, that the theist was a crazy Muslim scientist called Ibn al-Haytham.)
- If they belong to a fandom and idolize, let's say an actor, tell them that Fandom is like Religion as they treat it in the same way as theist treat religion. Bonus points if they are anime Otaku or belong to an anime fandom since most of them see a certain animu girl as God.
- Tell them there is no Constitutional right not to have "In God We Trust" on the dollar bill because belief in a God by itself is not religion, just spirituality.
- Ask them if the names of the days of the Week are also unconstitutional since they are named after Roman and Norse Gods (Tuesday = Tyr's Day, Thursday = Thor's Day, Saturday = Saturn's Day, etc.)
- Tell them that "Atheists help spread AIDS because they approve of same-sex marriage"
- Ask them to "Prove God doesn't exist"
- If an atheist/hilist tells you that life is meaningless, then tell them that there's no reason not to become a theist if believing in God makes you happier.
- Remind them that believing there is no God without any proof is a faith-based belief
- Ironically, this is a valid response to many atheist rants, as the average atheist engage any Christian for stating that he is a Christian with the same tone of "Your invisible pink unicorn man is a lie" rantings. A christian can prove that he's a christian. An atheist cannot prove that God doesn't exist.
- Ask them to explain The Cambrian Explosion. Aquiver with perturbance and confusion because 99% of them have absolutely no idea what this is, they will simply stare at you slackjawed (if it's an IRL scenario). After googling it they will then invariably accuse you of being "anti-science" for even questioning it.
- Point out that natural selection explains why they never get laid.
- Tell them Charles Darwin was a Christian.
- Tell them that the Problem of Evil doesn't disprove God, because not all God believers (such as deists) believe in an omnipotent God who can just snap his fingers and "end all pain and suffering" on earth
- Tell them that pain and suffering aren't inherently "bad" - and that science actually shows that people are happier when they're active and working hard than when they're just sitting around slothfully
- Tell them that studies actually show that church goers are more mentally healthy than those who never go to church
- Point out that only one third of scientists identify as atheists, while the majority have some form of belief. pr00f
- "It was an atheist that caused World War I that lead to many historical clusterfuck events such as the Red October revolution in Russia that gave birth to dirty communists, World War II, the Arab-Israeli War, the Cold War, the rise of the People's Republic of China... just ask Gavrilo Princip's religion."
- "Theists killed more than one million people in a span of centuries, Atheists killed more than one million people in a few years, if not months"
- Bring up the infamous Stalin/Hitler argument, and watch them rage.
- "It's okay, if I were you I'd be pretty mad at God, too."
- "If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?" (Regardless of whether or not they can correctly answer it, they will fly into a butthurt rage that you would even ask.)
- Point out that the apes are not our ancestors. If they object point out that their own doctrine disagrees with them because according to darwinistic dogma, we stem from a species of anthropomorphized apes which later evolved into us humans and our ape cousisns.
- Bring up the fact that evolution and the Big Bang theory are still just theories with plenty of flaws!
- Complain about the liberal bias promoted by the liberal media against intelligent design.
- "God did science...your science is NOTHING without God."
- "Science is ALWAYS based on faith because you never know what the result of an experiment will be (Which is why you perform the experiment in the first place and not just jot down what will happen)."
- Tell them "Jesus Loves them" and for extra lulz give them a hug and a bible and see how they react
- Bring up the fact that "Hitler was an atheist." Bonus points if you use the above quote proving that Hitler was, in fact, an atheist.
- "Stalin was an atheist." Bonus points if you mention to them about the Holodomor (Stalin's Holocaust).
- Point out that their posts sound like evangelical preachers' rants, including their tone, intensity, rhythm and measure.
- Ask them to explain the manner in which subjective experience arises from brain tissue. Inevitably, they will break down and say that consciousness doesn't exist]. At this point you can just start laughing hysterically.
- "I'll pray for you."
- "Jesus said: Cast not pearls before swine."
- "What up faith-cripples!" (Best to say when entering one of their forums)
- "What makes moral relativism correct?"
- "Atheists are never moral because they do not believe in God," followed up by "Morals are God-given not man-made."
- Suggest that if you were down and out in Calcutta, you'd much rather see Mother Teresa than Christopher Hitchens.
- If all else fails, Goatse, pain and fifty Jesus posts never go amiss alongside with ALLAH AKBAR!!!
- Have feelings.
- The way Christians get all of their arguments from the Bible, atheists get all of their arguments from The God Delusion. So saying something along the lines of "Maybe if you formed your own opinions once in a while, instead of parroting everything Dawkins spits out of his sinful mouth, you could truly see the glory of God!" is always worth a good try.
- Atheists do not really hate religion, just Christians. Tell them you are a Buddhist. If they start to attack your religion agree with them via this copy pasta "Yes, I see how that could be, the teachings of Buddha taught me to be very open minded. I accept your argument, and I do this because Buddha was right." When they find a person they can't argue with they reach a state similar to an advanced stage of rabies. Kick back and watch the lulz.
- Give them an analogy (like this one): "Trying to disprove God with our narrow knowledge of physics is like being given only a hammer to build a house. Every problem looks like a nail".
- Tell them to take the Atheist Challenge. As the atheist does not believe in anything science cannot prove, ask him to prove that the universe did not pop into being 5 seconds ago with the appearance of age, then to call his girlfriend and tell her that love is an illusion caused by chemical reactions. Bring an umbrella to shield yourself from the sputtering bullshit.
- Apparently, atheism has its own definition of free speech: When I attack you, it's just criticism. When you attack me, you are practicing RELIGIOUS OPPRESSION AAAARGGH THE EVIL THEOCRACY!!!
- Copy/paste info from conservapedia's article on atheism. (Such as atheists donate less to charities than christians).
- Tell them they're going to hell because God hates fags
- Point out that Friedrich Nietzche was in love with his sister, but gave up and started taking it in the ass because he couldn't get laid (srsly )
- Imply that atheism is a form of liberalism. (refer to abiogenecism/evolution as liberal,this always makes them rage)
- Tell them that trying to disprove God within the confines of physics is impossible.
- Ask them where all the atomic matter came from in order for the Big Bang to start.
- If they answer that Big Bang actually built all the matter from energy, misinterpreting the meaning of the concept of mass-energy equivalence, ask them where all the energy came from. And ask them to describe what is energy, so after they googled the definition they would learn their big mistake.
- If they say that matter existed since forever, note that in that case matter would be god. If they say that matter came into existance from nothing, point out to them that is exactly the definition of creation by the medieval catholic-based Scholasticism.
- Ask them why the Big Bang happened. If they try to answer to this question with a question, because they are obviously unable to answer, asking you "so why God created the universe?", answer with a classical argument used by the historical Christian Apologetics, that they for sure don't know because they most of the time are illiterate kiddos who never studied the classics: "because he wanted, an he saw that it was good". This is an appropriate response because according to theology and religion God Almighty is able of autonomous will, is not a mere mechanical event like the Big Bang.
- Mention that atheism and satanism are the same thing
- Tell them: Science knows that the big-bang was a spontaneous, causeless, source-less, purposeless, meaningless event. By extension, all created by it is too.
- Use all these arguments. (flail arms for effect) Watch as the atheist sputters and turns red in frustration. That umbrella that was mentioned earlier? Useful here for when the blood vessel in his forehead blows open.
- Tell them that Darwin was a Christian, this will cause massive butthurt as he is one of the main ideologues of atheists.
- Kalam Cosmological Argument. It fucking works all the time.
- If they have provided a definition for Atheism, derail by telling them that their definition is retarded because some cultures have Gods that were simply sacred animals/objects/places (e.g. sun worship). Ask them whether they believe the sun exists. See Ignosticism for more details. Do not tell them about Ignosticism because in their arrogance they will believe you to be less intelligent and try debating you rather than recognizing you're right.
- Remind them that Stephen Hawkings has proved the multiverse theory is bullshit and has converted to Deism.
- Even if they still believe in multiverse theory, say them that the existence of infinite multiverses can't be proven by conventional Physics since other universes would follow different rules than the ones of our universe.
- Say them that if infinite parallel universes exists, then infinite probability should be taken in account, so in many of those universes could exist a god (or many gods) and even an afterlife. And who knows? Maybe our universe is one of those.
- When atheists claim that militant theists (Christian and Muslim extremists) kill people but militant atheists don't - tell them that Stalin and Mao were militant atheists. Then watch them fly into a fit of rage trying to prove that anytime an atheist kills someone it "wasn't really because of atheism" (yet every time a Christian or Muslim does it's automatically because of "religion").
- Remind an atheist that not all Christians and theists are fundamentalists - 99% of atheists arguments against Christianity and Islam (ex. Ghandi is in hell and Hitler is in Heaven) are strawmen views only held by a minority of inbred fundamentalists.
Some Ways to Confuse An Atheist
- Send them a link to an article on the Problem of Induction. Facebook religion status will revert to 'agnostic' within a year, or they will inevitably point out that it applies to the Problem of Induction itself, thus making a moot point, and missing the point entirely.
- "If atheism is true, then our minds are reducible to physics. Since physics is fundamentally deterministic, we have no free will. Ergo, I have no 'choice' whether to adopt atheism or not, and you're wasting your time by trying to convince me of anything."
- This argument only bothers atheists who are dumb enough to be dualists. Monists (of either stripe) will ask you to explain what free will is.
- After the above argument: "When you say that there is no God, I have to ask: what compelled you to that conclusion?"
- If our minds are unreliable, then where does mathematics get its consistency? And if our minds are unreliable, then why should we accept unprovable contemporary physical theories?
- Surely, if evolution was not guided by a God, then we would not have evolved minds geared toward truth, only survival. In that case, where do you get off making blanket statements about the nature of the universe?
- Inevitably, the poor atheist will begin to sputter about how he's heard all these a million times before. Of course, he won't provide a single worthwhile rebuttal. You'll get a lot of sarcasm and no answers.
- Why do you try to say that I do the same thing when you're trying to disprove me now?
- (do this one after a long debate and especially when the debate topic was one about souls and immaterial things.) During this entire conversation you have given me your ideals and ideas yet isn't this entire conversation just pointless since our thoughts aren't really real?
- Ask them for a single logical reason why people should not kill themselves. If emotions are nothing but chemical reactions and there is no afterlife then there really is no reason why someone should not kill themselves over small matters like losing an iPod.
- If our IQ is a product of evolution and survival then why are humans the only ones with the higher intellect? And why do people with higher IQs not live any longer than regular people?
- Ask them as a fellow atheist how it is possible they do not fully support eugenics.
- Tell him despite all his superior knowledge of biology Darwin still married his first cousin.
- Ask them how belief in a god without proof is any different than denial of a god without proof. Ergo Absence of Evidence is not the same thing as Evidence of Absence. Also, it's logically impossible to prove a universal negative
- Tell them that their beloved science is a product of great polytheists and christians.
- Tell them that the concept of Atheism actually came from early Hindu beliefs.
- Tell them that they are actually Christians but they don't realize this yet.
- Remind them that, since they don't believe in an afterlife, their only purpose in life is to complain about Christianity on Reddit.
- Ask an atheist why he existed to begin with? He'll inevitably answer that human consciousness is the result of chemical reactions in our brains - but then asking him why he exists in his specific body, when he could've been born as someone else such as his brother or sister instead? And watch his head spin.
- Also be sure to remind an atheist that there is scientific research suggesting that human consciousness actually exists on a quantum level rather than solely within the neurochemical reactions in our brain - at this point he'll likely attempt to discredit the sources
- Ask an atheist why he believes that killing people is bad. He'll reply with a scripted answer such as "people evolved to be social animals", but then remind him that sub-rational instinct is not the same as rational morality. And all rationalizations of morality are incapable of grounding themselves, thus, there is no way to truly know if negative utilitarianism is the way to go and killing people is actually a good thing or if following our instincts is a good thing—both would require a dogmatic standpoint.
- Tell them that their saint and messiah Dawkins would be fine with intelligent Design, provided the universe was made by naturally evolved extrauniversal aliens as opposed to God.
Videos to troll atheists with
Any video fromwill surely generate much lulz.
Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by over 9,000 hardcore neck-bearded atheists. They are world-renowned for shitting up religious discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "ralijen sux" no matter how intelligent or rationalized the comment seems to the untrained eye. Atheists constantly whine about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, yet demand blind compliance to their ideas.
Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a common sentiment or strain of thought running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists perpetually come across as arrogant, whiny assholes.
In this delicious irony, Joe Atheist is even more full of shit than Jerry Falwell. Every wacko fundamentalist Christian at least admits their beliefs rest on faith. The atheist insists that he has serious logic on his side, yet refuses to even consider any position that they don't agree with.
They have also yet to rationalize the minor problem of the origin of the Universe issue in this anti-theologic worldview of cause-and-effect, but that's okay because the universe has just always existed LOL!!1. If you push them hard enough, you can even get them to deny causality.
It is also wise to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand.
Sources of drama
Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of drama, both as subjects and creators.
YouTube has a sizable population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, Rational Squad. You can see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare African-American "Atheists"!
Internet Atheism: Facts Optional
Atheist comrades CardinalVirtues, SophiaRune, and HannibaltheVictor13 state the obvious, that most atheists are full of shit. Wanna become popular on YouTube? Just spout a bunch of ignorant bullshit in the most vitriolic manner possible (overused and unfunny jokes also work). This is proof that atheists are no different than any other ranch of herd animals. As such they only interested in sound bites and propaganda that make the world into an easy place rather than actually bothering to think critically and tackling the difficult questions and problems of the world. Next time you see such an ignorant asshole show them one of the videos here to cause massive butthurt to the turd and his horde of sheep and sycophants.
—Every atheist OL, not knowing how a debate works and trying to hide their lusts.
Even ED isn't safe from the Rampage of Atheists
Please visit the userpages of the following users and let them know that Jesus fucking loves them hard. God Bless.
- User:Stone_Mask - DIs page wuz riten by 1 buthert christfag lol!
- User:Xeno945 - Win is equal to or greater than me
- User:Raspberry_Rush - A line of coke and he is God.
- User:Acatisfinetookthxbi - SLAUGHTERING YOUR CITIZENS IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.
- User:JiggerWigger - God / 0
- User Talk:Atomicswoosh - It's perfectly okay to believe in something for which there is no explanation or proof, as long as it's not God.
- User Talk:AnonyMouse - "Atheists are people who have learned to stop sucking God's dick and realize humans are the top of the food chain, when you die, you get eaten by worms and that's the end. Too bad, go cry to your 'God' about it. many more think atheists are great, and those who believe in God are self-absorbed, holier-than-thou pieces of shit who don't know how or when to shut the fuck up."
- User:StoneTemp1Pilot - Jesus Christ pose.
- User:Atomheart - BELIEVING THERE IS NO GOD ISN'T A BELIEF! I DON'T WANT IT TO BE!
- User:Godlovesmeso - "If you are older than twelve, you should be an atheist by now."
- User:Nicekitty - This article is too mean. ED should be nice, like Wikipedia. 
- User:TheMontgomery - HAY GUIZ WUTZ GOIN ON IN DIS ARTICLE???
- User:D0nnerf0tze - See below then see TheAmazingAtheist article.
- User Talk:Aubnop - OMG I AM SO SMART BECUZ I TRIED TO REFUTE A SATIRE ARTICLE!!1111
- User:TapRoot - I did it all for the Nookie. (Would have done it for the Lulz but has been explained Atheists cannot comprehend the Lulz.)
- User:Dysrhythmia - If I have to choose between God and abortion then call me an atheist.
- User:JanusChrist - Has gay sex with Christian men he finds on Craiglist for the lulz.
- User:AnonymousWhore - d0 u lyk g0d?
- User:TractusVicis - Because Jebus was a dick.
Even the second coming of ED is harrassed
- User:Dontbanmebro - Beware, page contains ear rape.
- User:NAZIBOY - Apparently sucks cocks.
- User:Nikolai123 - Super butthurt appending vandal
- User:Double Nigger - A wild Nihilist appeared!.
- User:Stlson - Because i don't believe in the tooth fairy either
- User:Max998 - Typical atheist butthurt editing.
See also the BAWWWWWing and flamewars this article started in ED: Talk:Atheist.
- Richard Dawkins
- Christopher Hitchens
- Seth MacFarlane
- Friedrich Nietzsche - GOD IS DEAD! Unfortunately, his colossal hubris caused him to end up like
- Ayn Rand - Nietzsche wannabe who for some reason is now the darling of right-wing Bible thumpers.
- Marquis de Sade - killed and raped prostitutes for the lulz
- Karl Marx - A hypocrite who rejected God while promising a Heaven on Earth - but failed.
- Julia Gillard
- Woody Allen - fucks his underage daughter
- Linus Torvalds
- Ivan Pavlov
- Terry Pratchett
- James Randi
Eric GaedeAsalieri - a fat attention whore.
- Salman Rushdie
- George Carlin
- George Soros✡
Daniel HarrisRazorfist - what you get when Tiny Tim, Alice Cooper, and Dio are crammed in a blender and you hit "frappe".
- Joseph Stalin - killed 40 milion people
- George Orwell
- Benito Mussolini
- Sam Harris - Said that religion is worse than rape
- Margaret Sanger - Planned Parenthood founder and eugenics supporter
- Joss Whedon
- Steve Wozniak
- Mao Zedong - pedo who killed a ton of chinks
- Richard Dawkins
- George Carlin
- Ayn Rand
- Friendly Atheist
- Pinkiepony – Feminazi and brony in denial with a pink fetish.
- Use the points in this link to pwn a number of atheist hive mind arguments.
- Atheism now has it's very own wikia.
- Clearly, Uncyclopedia is not part of the Internet Hate Machine. "Anyways, Uncyclopedia is better in the lulz department and is less abusive to the senses."
- IRL troll Tobias Brown gets the Atheists in a froth fest with his article about the dictatorship of Atheism.
- The Atheist Delusion by John Gray
- Atheism vs. Christianity A fight of epic proportions.
- A perfect place to troll these fucktards
- The atheists' personal army - Note that this site is no longer being updated.
- A book called "Darwin's Racists - Use to troll liberal atheists
- Another webpage to troll atheist
- Atheism, pederasty, and NAMBLA - Atheists started NAMBLA, use this and many other Conservapedia pages to troll them.
- "An atheist registry should exist to track them like sex offenders"
- You might be a fundy atheist IF... - Use this to troll them! The term alone can get their panties in a wad!
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|Featured article September 26 & September 27, 2013|