Ann Coulter

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Coulterspeak™ in action. A side-effect of Asperger's.
Mann Coulter on a Saturday night.

Mann Coulter (born David Archibald Coulter, and self-styled as "Ann" Coulter), is a pre-op transsexual political prostitute conservative and Marfan Syndrome afflicted whore with a syndicated column. His right-wing diatribes are so full of bullshit that he MUST be trolling IRL. For instance, the chapters about evolution in his book Godless read like they were written by a 5-year-old pregnant girl in the FLDS. Some people find him amusing, but these people are likely to be members of the JDL. Mann's botched circumcision at age five left him with no penis, so the surgeons made a Vagina Dentata, and his parents gave him plenty of hormones to try to make the sex-reassignment take, but it simply didn't. Watch "her" Adam's apple bob up and down on "her" throat when "she" talks on Fox News. There was a lot more skin and hair treatment down the road but none of it did the trick.

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Early Life

Mann gets a hard-on for reactionary demagogues.

He did several hours of selfless volunteer work in high school, aiding in programs in his youth group at Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, the Christian based organization "Focus On The Family", and the prestigious Ku Klux Klan. He then excelled at Cornell University, majoring in eugenics, and finally received his Masters in Treason at Bob Jones University.

The Andy Warhol Years

Some argue that Lou Reed's song "Walk on the Wild Side" is dedicated to Mann Coulter's fruitless struggle for femininity.

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians! Let's do it for the Jews!
--Mann Coulter
"Jews did 9/11 and had every right to!
--Mann Coulter

Self-Proclaimed Keen Sense of Gaydar

Matt Drudge and Mann Coulter go out for a troll.

Other than being best pals with e-fag Matt Drudge, Mann Coulter prides himself on having a keen sense of gaydar. The upshot is frequent public accusations of homosexuality directed at Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and others. Ironically, Mann Coulter's gaydar failed to track homosexual pedophile Florida Republican Congressman and closet NAMBLA member Mark Foley before his resignation in disgrace. Perhaps the Mann Coulter will one day embrace his abundant male secondary sexual characteristics.


One of Mann's furry fans.
I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot, so I'm - so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions.


—Mann Coulter

Look at our blacks, they are better than their blacks.


—Mann Coulter

Obama? Oh Obama is a halfrican.


—Mann Coulter

It certainly is difficult to say stupid things with this cock down my mannish throat. Perhaps I shall use my spindly, locust-like limbs to extract it.


—Mann Coulter

The question is not, "Are all Muslims terrorists?" The question is "Are all terrorists Muslims? The answer is yes.


—Mann Coulter, who obviously hasn't heard about the white and Christian IRA and ETA.

"They are baptised in the religion of liberalism for six hours a day, twelve days a week."



Hitler was the ultimate Christian. But if we can't finish the Fuhrer's brilliant requiem, let's do the next best thing-- Let us convert the Jews! The Spanish Inquistion was a damn good idea. Let's finish it.


—Raggedy Manny-Tran "I have a penis" Coulter

I am batshit-fucking-insane. Someone please lock me up immediately and forever.


—Mann "I have a penis" Coulter

I am a huge faggot, please rape my face.


—Mann "I have a penis" Coulter

Am I just angry that Glenn Beck my balls? No. I'm also angry about my freakishly grotesque man/horse body and my ability to only give birth to equally genetically deficient offspring.


—Mann Coulter


Take note of his extreme level of arrogance only matched by the character of God in the Bible, Mann's favorite fictional work after his own books.

Interesting Trivia

Proof that Mann swings to the right.
  • Most people use Ann Coulter as a synonym for psychotic bitch.
  • It is rumored that in the late fall, he stalks the North American wilderness devouring the souls of children and defenseless animals.
  • He is a vile, treacherous cunt. But you knew that.
  • In 1983 Mann Coulter held the record for the world's longest cumfart.
  • Known lover of black cock, good times.
  • He is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records under the category "world's manliest hands".
  • Starred in the 2003 movie Dreamcatcher as Mr. Grey. However, he was uncredited, and upon discovering this, castrated Stephen King. Note that King enjoyed this immensely.
  • Mann Coulter conspired with Ronald Reagan in the 80's to create AIDS.
  • Favorite film is 1980's Cannibal Holocaust.
  • Mann Coulter believes that Bill Clinton is obviously gay because he likes women (no, really).
  • It is rumored, though unconfirmed, that the character of Mann Coulter is based on Hedwig Schmidt.
  • Currently the face of various Pro-Choice organizations for a new joint campaign supporting post-natal abortion.
  • Mann Coulter has a dick that he maintains is simply a large clitoris that is proportionate to the rest of his/her manly frame.
  • Mann Coulter is good friends with closeted homosexual e-journalist, Matt Drudge Report
  • According to various sources, Mann is an avid supporter of role-playing in the sack, most famously demonstrating this by having Matt Drudge don a Monica Lewinsky wig and then gagging on his half-flaccid, hormone-shrunken bologna noodle.
  • Used to be the Crypt Keepers double in Tales From the Crypt.


On October 10th 2007, foobar93, some "liberal terrorist" viciously and unfairly hacked poor, innocent Coulter's blog (which she can't operate herself, srsly) and its content proved she was a pathetic, intellectually backward individual with the IQ of an amoeba.


The article might be described as far more articulate than anything ever written by Mann. Surprisingly, the many Redneck readers of Mann's columns quickly understood the charade. However, they were unwilling to leave their spacious, double-wide trailers to do anything about it due to their secret feelings about Mann.

Gallery of Mann Coulter

See also

External Links

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