Gospel of Enbeecee: A Jessica By Any Other Name
The Arial font that YouTube uses makes capital i (the 9th letter of the alphabet) look like an l (the 12th letter of the alphabet). This is a source of great lulz for trolls on YouTube who will make make impostor accounts of any YouTuber with an L in their username and use it to hurl abuse at the victim's friends and subscribers, who will hopefully respond by blocking the innocent victim.
Jessica wanted to have the username AngryLittleGirl on YouTube so that old men who watched her videos would know that even though she was an eminently fuckable piece of
jailbait legal ass, they had to pretend that they were interested in her angry rants and not her pert breasts.
Unfortunately for Jessica the YouTube and rarely logs onto that soul-sucking site.username was taken by Kate, a normal person who does not give a fuck about
Jessica, using 16 year old girl logic, decided that what people thought her username was, was more important than what it actually was and swapped the last L for a capital i and became .
God bashing is a popular sport on YouTube as it provides infinite source of vlogging material for people devoid of the skill, imagination and/or creativity required for real filmmaking.
Most people who believe that God does not exist are ugly (and therefore choose to believe that God does not exist rather than that God hates them, despite all the evidence to the contrary). When the atheist's on YouTube discovered that Jessica was not ugly, they immediately invited her into their Blasphemy Challenge club and featured her video on their blasphemychallenge.com website on 14 January 2007. They then proceeded to watch her video almost 50,000 times from that God-forsaken site pushing it onto YouTube's most viewed pages and eventually causing it to pick up over 100,000 views.
Jessica's Blasphemy Challenge video had this quote in the description;
— Richard Harris (Marcus Aurelius in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)
Despite Jessica quickly realizing that her username was shit (since everyone misread it and no one could find her on YouTube), the views and subscribers that she had gained from this first video stopped her from ditching the channel and starting again.
In Jessica's "My Boring Life" video, (whose concept was cleverly stolen from a fellow Asian YouTuber), she sat silently in a slutty outfit for 10 minutes. Because of the abundance of skin and lack of Jessica actually speaking, the video facilitated masturbation by staring at her long, silky legs, soft but perky breasts and cutely sullen face. She got over 6,000 views. In her next video, "Church of Me" she spent 3 minutes as a typical YouTube talking head. She got less than 2,700 views. This proved conclusively that YouTube subscribers watch the videos of 16 year old girls with the sound turned off.
For YouTube's is the Power and the Glory Forever
Jessica spent another 5 months being unfindable on YouTube, as only hardcore atheists and/or masturbators knew how to spell her username. During this time she made 31 more non-nude, non-booty shaking, non-popular videos. She eventually decided to ditch her fucked up username and start again.
On 28 July 2007 Jessica posted a TL;DW video (now removed) in which she said her family and school friends had found out about her AngryLittleGiri channel and that she did not want them to watch her videos so she was going to make a new secret channel that they would not know about.
This was of course complete bullshit as every video that atheists make gets onto YouTube's completely not secret "Most Discussed List" as a result of their endless, pointless, senseless, circular, strawman arguments that are usually resolved in the real world with high explosives.
The next day (29 July 2007) YouTube decided to call her on her bullshit and made dumping her channel much more difficult for an ordinary little attention whore by featuring her video on YouTube's front page, (thereby adding over 7000+ new subscribers/haters to her AngryLittleGiri channel).
Some people are waiting to see if Jessica will still ditch her YouTube promoted insta-popular AngryLittleGiri channel (like she swore to God she would). It is more likely though that her inner attention whore will get the better of her and her fear of sinking back into the cute-but-not-naked masses on YouTube will cause her to cling to her new subscriber base for the personal ego-validation and promise of Honorz that it carries.
Other people don't give a shit.
Gospel of Faucknuez: Aids and Fail
AngryLittleGiri is the poster child for why VLogging is made of infinite amounts of AIDS and fail. After hearing from her mom about how God has failed to pay alimony for the past six years, AngryLittleGirl made it her life goal to denounce religion and call all those who hate her intelligent videos gullible idiots. It was during this time that YouTube, a terrorist organization fighting to overthrow all of the potential for lulz and win on the internets, featured one of her videos. In the time after the featuring of her video, a civil war erupted on YouTube. Anyone who pointed out that Jessica was just another ordinary 16 year old girl on the internet was flamed by atheists who thought she was pwning religion.
Note: The user that posted this video attempted to remove it from the page, and disabled embedding. He is cleeeeeeeearly asking to be trolled
Foreshadowing of Attention Whore's Remorse? So soon?
Shortly after her video got featured, AngryLittleGiri posted the following video, telling everyone who told her the video was shit why they were "fucktarded".
Please feel free to post hate comments and rate with one star as she is cleeearly asking for it
Her PM box quickly filled up with 1,400 important Private Messages such as "You are a bitch" and "You are a whore", so she made a video saying that she was turning off Private Messages, and promptly deleted it.
Jessica turns 18
According to her youtube profile, God has punished Jessica by permanently revoking her jailbait status (costing her half her fanbase). On the plus side, she will now do porn on request and that you can stick it in her pooper for $5. Jessica sez:
Shit That Noone Cares About
The name Jessica is of Jew origin, from jesca meaning "artificial insemination". It shares the same Hebrew root as Yeshua, which has been transliterated into the English name Jesus.
Allahu Akbar min kulli shay.
- Blasphemy Challenge
- Blasphemy Challenge
- Paperlilies - Who created an identical drama with her similar "You are all idiots" attitude in the video which was similarly featured in November 2006. If the pattern holds true to form, AngryLittleGiri should make a "I'm so confused" video about all the haters that she is attracting, probably in early September when the rate of new subscriptions has tailed away to nothing.
AngryLittleGiri is part of a series on YouTube.
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Alenonimo • Angie The Atheist • AngryLittleGiri • CapnOAwesome • Coughlan666 • FakeSagan • George Carlin • Jaclyn Glenn • OneLessGod • Pat Condell • Rebecca Watson • Ricky Gervais • Satanists • Saturnine Films • Steve Shives • TheAmazingAtheist • The Dickriders • Thunderf00t • Undertakerfreak1127 • Zionists
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