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Throughout the modern era, Aliens have been depicted as brutal, merciless, murderous, rapist reptilians that steal satellites for no reason. But in reality, most of them are actually perfectly civilized rapists who genuinely care about their victims and are masters in the art of anal telekinesis. And even though most of them are sex offenders, as records show that 99.99% of anal rape crimes committed in the United States are done by extraterrestrial beings, that doesn't mean that they're all bad.

Among their achievements are the invention and distribution of UFOs, tentacle rape, tacos, and burritos. Some have become presidents, top athletes, and even slurpee scientists. Nowadays an existence without aliens is hardly imaginable as they do our laundry, mow our lawn, iron our clothes, cook our food at Chinese buffets, and watch the kids when we're not home. They bring wealth, knowledge, and happiness to everybody... unless you are referring to a specific type of alien, who control all of Earth's resources, enslaved every government in the world, and brainwashing us through their media.

Sure they uniformly rob graves for sexual pleasure and as a result accidentally anal probe goths and emos, mistaking them for corpses, with their marvelous anal technology. And their horrid screams are often heard at graveyards as the aliens plunge their tiny, quivering, angsty, rectums with their evil phallic-looking machines. But that's a small price to pay for their contribution to society.

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Dr. Steel's take on Aliens

See Also

Extraterrestrial links

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