Alex Wuori

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigationJump to search
Alex is ready to mongle your cocks.
Looks like someone is in denial of their epic failure.

Alex Wuori was an acne-ridden lardass and former totse retard who begged Anonymous to raid a 16-year-old girl after she rejected him. Although nobody cared, Alex continued to bitch until his identity was outed by an Anonymous at his school. After realizing that Juden like him produce more lulz than his proposed target, Anonymous used his magical powers to obtain more information so Alex could have all the dick he deserves.

He is a prime example of why Anonymous is not your personal army. You can pass this message along to one of his AIM handles: MagicHobo [reported dead], ritlina, Naliitr or drop him an e-mail at [email protected] or [email protected] Alternatively, his most recent email address has been confirmed [email protected]

He also used to reside on totse posting faggotry under the screename Magic_Hobo

Initial Reaction

Last Thursday, Alex complained on #420chan to try to prevent further damage to his e-penis. However, users in #420chan were too busy doing drugs and greedily sucking Kirtaner's cock to care. It was reported in follow-up threads that Alex did not attend school in the days afterward because he is a pussy. Ads on Craigslist to help Alex get the oversized cock he so badly craved and more information about his online activities were posted with extreme prejudice.

Alex Thinks He's Important

Alex could benefit from some Clearasil and a diet.

Despite claiming to be one of Anonymous, Alex claimed to have shut down 7chan- naturally without a shred of evidence (because he is a cunt). After Anonymous flocked to 420chan in the days following /i/'s death, Alex threatened to have 420chan shut down as well. Information about his family was unearthed and prank phone calls began. Rumors about his status as the Final Boss of the Interwebs were discussed since he is somehow more of a closet faggot than Hal Turner.

Party Van Becomes Involved

Feeling butthurt, Alex had his parents call the Party Van, who told Kirtaner to remove Alex's personal information from the 420chan server. As a precaution, Alex's ED page was also deleted and threads about him were prohibited until Kirtaner got a new server.

PEEJ Sabotage

As a Perverted-Justice raid was proposed, Alex decided to go the way of yaoifan and attempted to sabotage it, despite his continued claims of /b/rothahood. Making a post on the PEEJ forums, he used his hax0r skills to find 420chan's whois info and post it. Rather than actually stopping the raid, his actions not only further enraged Anonymous but also made even more want to let Kirtaner stick it in their poopers for being harassed by overcompensating pedophiles. Alex then took credit for 420chan's subsequent downtime (naturally- without any kind of evidence), despite how it was actually PEEJ bitching to the host in an attempt to keep all good lolicon to themselves. In addition he began to claim responsibility (with no evidence) for 4chan's downtime (when we all know that it was because m00t was busy fucking the server).

Alex has posted several messages taking credit for the Chanpocalpyse and yet simultaneously attempts to cast himself as a martyr and betrayed /b/rother.

Alex Posts an Anon's Docs at a Sandkip Jihad Forum

Alex snitching to sandkips. Notice the Jawaspeak on the forum sidebar.

Last Thursday, when Anonymous planned a raid on Islamic Terrorist forums for the lulz and to prove the superiority of Raptor Jesus over that pedo Mohammed, Alex decided to prove his allegiance to sandkips once again and post 420chan owner Kirtaner's docs on the forum in an attempt to warn the poor defenseless jihadists. Despite the fact that posting this info could get Alex V& for aiding IRL terrorists, his intense love of delicious sandnigger cock must have obfuscated what little bit of common sense was left in his AIDS riddled brain.

Fox News Fiasco

On 7/26, Alex tipped off a local fear machine to the existence of /b/ and /i/. This hilarious clip resulted:

Alex has really helped Anon by this act of outrageous faggotry. Newfags that see this clip back out of /b/. Alex has broken rules one and two in the most stupendous way possible, and for this there is no forgiveness. Apparently he takes our threats way too seriously. After all, his mom bought a dog and got Caller ID (which everyone knows can't lie.)

One Of Alex's Former Friends Speaks Out

FACT Alex is actually a nigger.

Last thursday, One of Alex's former friends posted on 7chan. Not surprisingly, he's more fucked up than anyone had imagined.

You can read all the logs and notes this brave anon got here.

Crimes Committed

He has broken 10 codes of Anonymous:

  1. Being a lulzkiller by warning future raid targets in advance.
  2. Failing to post tits of potential raid target.
  3. Faggotry of levels that were previously thought to be unattainable.
  4. Using Anonymous as a personal army.
  5. Absurd amounts of fail.
  6. Distressing, excessive levels of faggotry
  7. Having secks with animals lulz
  8. Faggotry of levels that were previously thought to be unattainable.
  9. Uh...secks with animals
  10. GOATSE
  11. Having acne
  13. Spitting, rather than swallowing after fellatio.
  14. Not lieking Mudkips.
  15. Breaking rules one and two to the media.
  16. Appearing on Fox LA Channel 11 to discuss Anonymous.
  17. Attempting to provoke 2chan into invading 420chan

Alex is also wanted for the crime of Anti-lulz.

Also for being a fail faggot.

Anonymous's Opinion of Alex

TL;DR summary of Alex's faggotry

"Your pride has really fucked you over. After your little raid backfired and Anonymous started attacking you, you could've just STFU and let anonymous find a new target. After all, any true /i/nsurgent knows that eventually anonymous will get bored if the target does not produce lulz. However, you refused to just sit there like the bitch you are and take the shit anonymous threw at you. You whined and bitched and backstabbed your fellow channers, thereby making yourself more and more worthy of /i/nvasion. You are nothing but a filthy turncoat, and I hope you're a raid target for months (if not years) to come. You deserve every bit of it."

Thats an understatement, you WILL be targeted for the coming years, internet tough guy.

"He's a FAG!"








"Ha! I wish i knew this guy personally, so i could befriend him, get to know him, learn where he lives, how to get there quickly, when the family is going out....Then i'd break in o his house with a sledgehammer when noones home smash down some doors and run, and then all the family would be like "WTF! ROBBERS?" but cuz I didn't take anything it'll spend years bugging them all in the backs of their minds as they're going why the fuck did someone just break down all our doors and what did they take, what did they do! and hopefully spark a divorce between this guys parents, i'd be fucking shitting myself laughing if I could see his face as they broke up over that." HAHA REGARD THAT DANE COOK SUCKS COCKS

Fun Facts

Fun Facts on Alex #1: Did you know that Alex wanted us to raid a 14 year-old girl who was a classmate of his? This is his original post on our boards - the "***" are to censor out the information on this girl that he posted, as we wish her no harm and do not want her personal information given out. Also, I have not included a picture of her that he posted. Aside from the censoring, this post has not been modified.

Fun Facts on Alex #2: Did you know that Alex has spots which can actually cure cancer? However, due to a severe case of butthurt he decided against telling the world.

The original post:

I say we restart the raids on her. She's borderline emo, weaboo, attention whore, and the worst part is she sits right next to me in ALL OF MY CLASSES. Yeah, I'm a shota. Shut it. When we first raided her it proved to be ultimate lulz for you guys:

"-sigh- today ahs been an interesting day. Lots of emails. Though, some were very retarded, one called me childish, well truth be told... . . . I AM LEGALLY A CHILD. so whatever, another said suck it up or kill yourself, I wouldn't care about dieing[sic], I care more about what my close friends would do if I did. Due to people being idiots, I will change my terms of agreements, and credits when I get home. Happy? Honestly, I could really care less. Anyways, I've been working on a book for my dad, and the pages all have to be done in graphics, sorta like a magazine, and I'mn[sic] working on that for the next few days. Btw[sic]. I'm not perfect, and based on my rights, I can complain as much as I need to, as I do own ns. I have no problem complaining, its something I'm good at. I may be childish, but at least I can tell myself everything.",

and ultimate lulz for me as she cries her eyes out at school due to the fact that a few people raided her inbox.

Not to mention she fucking deserves it. Yes, I know "NOT YOUR PERSONAL ARMY", but this whining bitch needs it. Give her some REAL problems in life, shall we?


Pic = Her.

Name = ***

Home Phone = ***

Cell Phone = ***

MSN/Windows Messenger/Hotmail Address = ***

Home Address: ***

Make sure to insult emo bands along with everything Japanese. Make sure to "comment" on her parents getting divorced. To scare her, ask about Jake, Monica, "Douchebag", Michael, Mr. Hooper, Azarel, or Wesley. Insult philosophy for extra lulz. She frequents Neopets, but I have no idea what her account is. I'll try to get that info. Insult Prince of Tennis, her new favorite Anime show.

I'll get more info later. Have fun, Anonymous.

A followup post - note that he openly admits wanting to DESTROY her life:

No, I'm much more subtle with my destruction of her life. I don't destroy it face-to-face with her. Instead I hire you guys.

Also: Talk about her newly dyed blonde hair and eyebrows. Comment on how her eyebrows are now invisible to the naked eye.

Another followup post - he goes as far as to express a desire to RAPE her:

Yeah, so I would I. Problem is she'd probably be complaining about everything during sex. That's why I would rather rape her, so I can shut her up while banging her. Plus I get to ruin her life while raping her. Sex just = whatever when it comes to ruining her life.

Yet ANOTHER followup post - rape is not enough, he wants to KILL her too:

  1. I hate her. While I have physical attraction to her, I'd much rather kill the bitch/make her life miserable than fuck her.
  In fact, she has attempted advances on me (It is literally impossible, in her words, for her to live without a boyfriend to
  complain about her "problems" to.), and I simply went "Fuck you." when she asked me what I was doing Friday night. Needless to
  say, lulz ensued.
  2. Well, technically you'll get amusement by knowing that a weaboo, borderline emo attention whore is crying her eyes out
  because her little site got shut down. I can bring stories, too!
  3. No shit I live in my mother's basement. I'M FUCKING FOURTEEN. Also, don't go "lol, underage b&" on me, because you know
  and I know at least half of the userbase here is underage.
  4. Do you have any fucking thing better to do?

In the course of this thread, some of his classmates turned the tables on him by giving out his personal information. Rather than deleting the thread and going away, he CONTINUED to try to get us to raid this girl despite being told several times that we are not his personal army. Since he had already tried to start an attack against her a few days before this thread, we let him have it by using his personal information to prank him a few times as he so richly deserved.

Fun Facts on Alex #3: Did you know that instead of simply laying low and avoiding us, he decided to make it his personal mission to harass us and cause personal harm to an administrator of our boards?

These harassment tactics included (but was not limited to): 1. giving false information to and causing them to harass the mother of one of the administrators of our boards, 2. giving out the personal information of one of the administrators of our boards to the followers of Hal Turner, a neo-Nazi extremist whose show we had prank called, and 3. giving out the personal information of one of the administrators of our boards to Islamic extremists who advocated jihad, and claiming that there was an attack being plotted against them by us. Basically pwning our sorry asses (PS. Could you tell that the previous sentence was written by the fag himself? He watches this article like a fucking hawk faggot.)

Fun Facts on Alex #4: Did you know that Alex supports REAL terrorists? He made a post here (, blog not found.) two months before he requested us to attack this girl, and in his post, he says: "We need someone strong like you to stand up the big bully of the world. We need someone like you to unite the middle east against the imperialism of America. The world needs you, Ahmadinejad. You must not falter."

Additionally... Alex Wuori is such an annoying sympathy-craving sack of shit that even the cuntwads over on NSG thought he was a waste of flesh that should have been dealt with earlier and was too pathetic even for the cesspool of hypersensitivity that is NSG, and so the mods made him walk the plank. However, he returned under a different screen name, fooling no one (as his two NSG screen names were "naliitr" and "ritlina," indicating that it was in fact the same retarded whiner). At this point, he was probably bitchslapped again. Hopefully he'll take so much of his Ritalin that he'll realize he should end his pointless existence or be treated instead with electro-shock therapy. ({;})

Current Status

Now a former GamerGate supporter who cries about "harrassment" he receives after leaving and A TRANNY doing shows on Chaturbate.

See Also

External Links


Alex Wuori is part of a series on


Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage.